Nocturnal

by Liz Christensen

My life is run by the lunar calendar — not because I’m Jewish or Muslim or one of the ancient Greeks. It’s the most important cycle of my life, and since I’m a hormonal woman with a regular period, that’s saying something. See, I’m a werewolf. Before you get all bent out of shape, let me correct your misconceptions. There should be enough time. Looks like moonrise is at 4:30 am, at least according to Google.

When the moon breaks over the Wasatch mountains in two hours, I’m not going to transform into a bipedal wolf and woman hybrid. My ears aren’t going to heighten, and my nose won’t elongate. My mouth will stay put, and nothing about my face will be muzzle-like. As you’ve probably noticed since you’ve been running your fingers through it for the past hour, I already have incredible hair. You’ve been thorough in your investigation of my mouth with your tongue. Found no fangs. That’s not gonna change either, so relax.

I’m not a bloodthirsty killer. I’m not even a boring killer. You’ve fallen victim to the sensationalized Hollywood stereotyping of fearmongering speciesists. It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you. But tonight has been great, really great. On any other night, I’d be hoping to make you breakfast and spend the morning in your t-shirt, or out of your t-shirt, whichever. And maybe you’d call me again sometime. Maybe not. It wouldn’t be a big deal.

That’s not going to work in a few hours. Possibly, I should have made a different choice earlier tonight, but I’m not sorry. When a guy like you offers to take a girl like me back to his place, a girl like me isn’t going to say, “Yes, please yes, just not tonight, okay? Raincheck?”

Really, come back to bed. We still have an hour. You’ll see this isn’t anything to panic about. People have Werewolves all wrong. I’m not going to black out and lose control. Even if I did — which, let’s be clear, I won’t — I wouldn’t get all indiscriminately violent. Wolves aren’t like that, why would Werewolves be? Do you know what wolves are really like? Smart. Super smart. And caring too, actually. They care for their injured. Not a lot of other mammals run around doing that. Not even every human does that.

Wolves are playful. Right? Come on, you have to admit it. You noticed, and you liked it.

We educate our young and live in family groups. In fact, wolves are devoted to family. That’s kind of where I’m going with this. That’s what I wanted to warn you about.

See, in about fifteen minutes, when the moon rises, I’m going to be a little different. I’m going to be very interested in Family. I know. I know it doesn’t make sense, and it’s pretty funny actually. But I mean it. I’m going to care an awful lot about my family. No big deal, right? But my family is all gone now. We live in different parts of the country, and my brother passed two years ago. From moonrise to sunrise is only a few hours, and my wolf self knows that. I couldn’t possible get together with my family in that amount of time.

I’m also of an age — ugh, this is so embarrassing. The thing is, any minute really, I’m going to want to start my own family. I might drop to one knee and propose to you. I might throw you back on the bed and beg you to be my baby daddy. I’m never really sure how it’s going to go, but I promise you it will pass. Soon as the sun comes up. I’m just that playful, clever girl, with thick rich hair you brought home from the club, and you don’t really need to call tomorrow.

So, don’t freak out okay? It’s not really me. And you’re not in any danger. You don’t have to hide in the bathroom, okay? It’s just family stuff. Everyone has a family. You came from one. Don’t you want one of your own? We could run in a pack together. You could be my alpha. I could be yours. The lone wolf isn’t really a thing. It’s this silly notion. No one wants to be lonely, and we don’t have to be lonely anymore. We could be mates, for life. Just open the bathroom door.

Open the bathroom door. Open it. We need each other. We are pack animals. We’ve bonded. Open the door. It’s perfectly natural. It’s normal. Don’t scream, don’t cry. You’re freaking out the neighbors. Someone is pounding on the apartment door and shouting. Don’t worry, Alpha. I got this. We protect the pack. You stay here calling out, attracting his attention. I’ll separate, crawl out your bedroom window, and circle back into the building. We’ll surround him. He doesn’t stand a chance. He’s worried. He’s alone. I can smell him. Be right back.

For more from Liz Christensen, visit lizzylizzyliz.com