‘Mary Poppins Returns’ Teaser: Let’s Go Fly Another Kite

I freeze with fear every time Mary Poppins Returns debuts some new material; so terrified am I that this film will destroy one of the most beloved films in my life with cynical decontruction of what made Poppins so magical to begin with. This Oscars teaser could be much worse; in fact, it’s pretty much the best it could’ve been short of featuring a shot of Dick van Dyke (footage of his small role was shown at D23 in July and I’ve been waiting to see it ever since).

I am HERE for Admiral Boom’s roof boat still polluting the Cherry Tree Lane skyline. But by god does Cherry Tree Lane look depressed.

Okay, this is starting to resemble a Fincher movie just a little bit. Fuck, I love kites.

I can only assume the colour palette will lighten up once Mary Poppins comes into the children's’ lives, and that Rob Marshall isn’t attempting some neo-realist take on the story.

There’s that Hamilton fella. He’s certainly no Dick van Dyke but we’ll see what he does in this part.

This woman knows HOW TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE. I mean, I wish it was Julie Andrews as much as anyone. But, failing that, I am satisfied that Em Blunt will be sufficiently perfect in every way.

The voice! She has the Andrews voice nailed. If only Alden Ehrenreich and Harrison Ford could’ve figured this out quite as well for Solo. The mirror gag is alright. It’s a big unnerving that Paddington is playing Michael Banks, but I’ll get over that.

This is a harmless teaser. I can’t possibly judge the quality of the film yet. But I’m glad they chose the kite as an important symbol of the Poppins vibe, and I’ll see this film for — if nothing else — Angela Lansbury as The Balloon Lady and DICK VAN DYKE AS MR. DAWES JUNIOR OH GOD YES.

It’s due to arrive Dec. 21. I’ll be hyping it a lot between now and then. Stay tuned.