Ranking Every Michael Stuhlbarg Performance To Date
The chameleonic Michael Stuhlbarg, I truly believe, is one of the greatest American actors working today, if not the greatest. After appearing in three Best Picture-nominated films this year (an extremely rare achievement for an actor), let’s remind ourselves of his exceptional body of work, as I rank every performance of his from film and TV minor a few exceptions I haven’t seen.
19. DERBY MILTON (CUT BANK)
In this appalling Coen/Nicholas Sparks mashup, Stuhlbarg plays a psychotic taxidermist who goes on a killing spree looking for a missing package like Grover on Sesame Street. He has a stammer. Stuhlbarg’s only genuinely bad performance.
18. NICODEMUS WEST (DOCTOR STRANGE)
Stuhlbarg’s contribution to the Marvel canon is so profoundly insignificant, no full-sized high res images of his character exist online. It’s a good thing, ultimately, that Stuhlbarg can’t be cast in a bigger MCU role, which would be a horrific waste of his precious working time.
17. LEW WASSERMAN (HITCHCOCK)
I studied Lew Wasserman’s career in university, and the size of Stuhlbarg’s role in this passable 2012 “Making of Psycho” drama does not justify his importance in 50s and 60s Hollywood.
16. ABE ROSENTHAL (THE POST)
This is barely a role. Rosenthal hardly registers in Spielberg’s The Post, a fatally overstuffed ensemble piece, but his hair and makeup look about as silly and unprofessional as everyone else in this movie’s does.
15. TOMMY (SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS)
I suspect most people don’t realise Stuhlbarg was in a Martin McDonagh movie, but there he is, in the opening scene of Psychopaths along with Michael Pitt, waiting to be shot in the head by a mysterious assailant.
14. DR. FLICKER (BLUE JASMINE)
Dr. Flicker seems nice enough, until he starts making sexual advances towards Cate Blanchett’s Jasmine. Stuhlbarg isn’t a very convincing creep, he’s far too likeable. Pity he didn’t get a bigger role in a Woody Allen movie while, y’know, people still watched Woody Allen movies.
13. DIMITRI MOSENKOV (THE SHAPE OF WATER)
A quiet scientist revealed to be a Soviet spy, Dimitri bakes a delicious butter cake, helps save the sexy fish man and is brutally killed by Michael Shannon. Stuhlbarg got to take the Oscars stage when this won Best Picture, so his small role was ultimately worth it.
12. AGENT HALPERN (ARRIVAL)
Agent Halpern is the one thing standing between Amy Adams and alien invasion, he’s a typical government stooge, a pretty one-dimensional role for Stuhlbarg, but he gets a few decent moments opposite some amazing actors.
11. EDWARD G. ROBINSON (TRUMBO)
You never thought you’d grow to dislike Edward G. Robinson so much. A serpentine right-wing traitor who reports his friend Dalton Trumbo as a communist, Stuhlbarg’s portrayal of Robinson allows for some terrific Hollywood ham.
10. JERRY THE CENSOR (STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP)
Stuhlbarg appears in 2 episodes of Aaron Sorkin’s short-lived masterpiece as the majorly assholic Jerry, who gets in the way of such classic comedy sketches as “Crazy Christians” being broadcast. Jerry’s the worst.
9. MR. BURKE (AFTERSCHOOL)
In this grim high school drama starring a young Ezra Miller, Stuhlbarg is the sympathetic but relatively strict teacher (or maybe principal?) who must deal with the fallout from 2 drug-related deaths. He wears a bowtie, which is awesome.
8. SY FELTZ (FARGO)
A whole season of Fargo didn’t give Stuhlbarg the truly great material he deserved, but Sy was an oft-compelling figure of bureaucratic buffoonery, his strained relationship with Ewan McGregor’s Emmitt Stussey providing some of the season’s little emotional heft.
7. PAT CONNORS (MISS SLOANE)
Stuhlbarg actually has a pretty major role in this mostly-forgotten Sorkin karaoke, as the gun lobby antagonist to Jessica Chastain’s driven martyr. Chastain vs Stuhlbarg in a political debate is must-watch stuff, even if Sloane’s script doesn’t quite deliver on that premise’s potential.
6. RICHARD CLARKE (THE LOOMING TOWER)
Hulu’s currently-airing 9/11 miniseries is giving Stuhlbarg the chance to be Angry Powerful Stuhlbarg, which you don’t see very often, opposite Jeff Daniels and Alec Baldwin, which is setting my heart aflutter every Wednesday.
5. ANDY HERTZFELD (STEVE JOBS)
One of the good souls orbiting Michael Fassbender’s Jobs in the Aaron Sorkin drama, Andy is one of Stuhlbarg’s purest Embodiment Of Kindness performances, and he stands out amidst grander performers like Jeff Daniels and Kate Winslet throughout.
4. RENE TABARD (HUGO)
Rene might be the most heroic figure Stuhlbarg has played, the kindly and beautifully-bearded film historian who helps two Parisian kids win the trust of an elderly Georges Melies and organise a retrospective of his films. Hugo is one of the best films of the century, and Stuhlbarg’s involvement is a key element of its excellence.
3. GRIFFIN (MEN IN BLACK 3)
Griffin is the best (and arguably the one good) thing about Men in Black 3, a loud and brash cacophony of idiocy that’s mercifully only 106 minutes long. Griffin has the amazing talent of envisioning multiple futures at any moment (“Is this the reality where they come through *that* door or *that door*?”). It’s a fun role, and the first time I went home and googled Stuhlbarg’s name. He gets to wear an adorable hat and, when he takes it off, is the subject of an amazing visual effect.
2. PROFESSOR PERLMAN (CALL ME BY YOUR NAME)
The Professor is a background character for most of Luca Guadagnino’s romantic drama, but in the final act he arrives and delivers a loving monologue to his heartbroken son (Timothée Chalamet) that’s undoubtedly the most beautiful scene of 2017, and elevates everything else in the film.
1. LARRY GOPNIK (A SERIOUS MAN)
The only time Stuhlbarg has ever received top billing in his career, A Serious Man is one of the greatest films ever made and Larry is any actor’s dream role. He’s a middle-class Jewish father suddenly facing divorce, poverty, illness, bribery and general unfortunate circumstances that he’s emotionally ill-equipped to handle. Stuhlbarg is extraordinary in this film; it’s a true performing masterclass.
