Ranking Every Episode of ‘Twin Peaks: The Return’
Last night, after 18 breathtaking hours of summer television, David Lynch’s small-screen masterpiece came to an end. This has been a series with highs and lows — so how do the episodes hold up when ranked?
17. KISS FROM A BLUE ROSE (PART 12)
The clearest embodiment of filmmaker indulgence, this was Lynch pleasing himself to only moderately enjoyable results.
Standout performer: Clark Middleton as Audrey’s husband Charlie
16. YOU’RE BACK IN THE ROOM (PARTS 1 & 2)
The series had a shaky start, with a two-hour premiere that lacks most of the things I came to love about The Return (Dougie, Gordon and Albert etc.). It picks up pace toward the end, but this is 2 hours that could’ve been condensed to 1.
Standout performer: Chromatics, the first performers at the Roadhouse
15. RED OR BEIGE (PART 9)
Simply an episode that isn’t very memorable. Some new characters are introduced, and there’s a significant amount of exposition.
Standout performer: Kimmy Robertson as Lucy
14. JUST YOU AND I (PART 13)
An episode with 3 incredible scenes: Sonny Jim playing on his new gym set, twinkling in the night garden; Sarah Palmer watching an old boxing match on a loop; James Hurley making a surprise musical appearance at the roadhouse.
Standout performer: Grace Zabriskie as Sarah Palmer
13. THE SPIRIT OF AMERICA (PART 5)
The Dougie storyline expands with the introduction of the Mitchum brothers, and the episode ends on a heartbreaking note with Dougie befriending a statue.
Standout performer: Don Murray as Bushnell Mullins
12. FREDDIE’S FIST OF FURY (PART 14)
Dedicated to David Bowie, this episode includes the superhero origin story for English cop Freddie and his magic glove.
Standout performer: David Lynch as Gordon
11. DOING THE DOUGIE (PART 10)
Janey-E seduces and beds her husband, and we’re introduced to the terrifying/amazing bear that says “Hello Johnny, How are you today?” on a loop.
Standout performer: Amy Shiels as Candy
10. A MATTER OF LIFE & DEATH & DOUGIE (PART 15)
Ed and Norma together at last. David Bowie resurrected as a giant kettle. The death of the Log Lady. The end of Dougie. “Part 15" is an emotional rollercoaster.
Standout performer: Caleb Landry Jones as Steven
9. WAKE UP, DON’T DIE (PART 6)
Harry Dean Stanton witnesses a child being killed by a car, and runs to comfort the mother. It’s an astonishing and transcendent moment, a clash of the destructive and the constructive, of youth and age.
Standout performer: Harry Dean Stanton, an American national treasure
8. WHERE’S WALLY (PART 4)
In a sequence sure to define Michael Cera’s entire career, the Arrested Development star appears as Wally Brando, the son of Andy and Lucy, wearing a Brando Wild One outfit and perched upon a motorcycle. It’s a scene that seems improvised, and it’s incredible. Meanwhile, Dougie comes home for the first time, and entertains Sonny Jim during breakfast by wearing his tie over his head.
Standout performer: Michael Cera. No question.
7. COOPER WALK WITH ME (PART 17)
Cooper returns to Twin Peaks, and Twin Peaks briefly feels like Twin Peaks again.
Standout performer: Sheryl Lee as Laura Palmer
6. SQUEEZE (PART 7)
An average episode until one of the final scenes, when Dougie and Janey-E are assaulted by Ike the Spike and The Arm appears to tell Dougie “Squeeze [Ike’s] hand off!”. The most spectacularly bizarre moment of the series to date.
Standout performer: Christophe Zajac-Denek as Ike the Spike
5. THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS (PART 3)
After the tedious premiere, this was Lynch the Artist unleashed: a journey through space and time reminiscent of Dreyer and Meliés, with fantastically low-fi special effects.
Standout performer: Linda Porter as the woman who nicknames Dougie “Mr. Jackpots” after his slot machine lucky streak
4. AUDREY’S DANCE (PART 16)
The most satisfying payoff we could’ve hoped for: Dale Cooper returns, declaring “I am the FBI” before bidding a heartbreaking farewell to Janey-E and Sonny Jim. Diane confesses a tragic secret. Eddie Vedder is the Roadhouse entertainment, and Audrey arrives at the Bang Bang Bar just in time to enchant us with a dance.
Standout performer: Laura Dern as Diane
3. THE RETURN (PART 18)
Cooper goes to find Laura and bring her home. But what is home? And WHAT YEAR IS THIS!?
Standout performer: Kyle Maclachlan as Cooper
2. WHAT’S IN THE BOX? (PART 11)
The most purely entertaining episode of the series, “Part 11” is non-stop fun from start to finish. It climaxes with Lynch’s hysterical homage to David Fincher’s Se7en, as Dougie’s ominous box is revealed to contain a delicious cherry pie. A restaurant pianist closes the episode with an Angelo Badalamenti composition.
Standout performer: Laura Kenny as the hysterical horn-honking driver
1. THE WATER & THE WELL (PART 8)
On June 25, the premium cable network Showtime aired a one-hour experimental film on the origins of evil, and the rules of American television were changed forever. “Part 8” is one of the most distinctly visionary TV episodes ever produced, from its haunting depiction of an atomic explosion to the unforgettable image of a beetle crawling into a girl’s mouth. And there’s a Nine Inch Nails performance stuck in the middle.
Standout performer: Robert Broski (longtime Abraham Lincoln impersonator) as the smoking woodsman
Agree with our choices? What have been your favourite episodes of The Return?
