These Alternative Woodcocks Would’ve Made ‘Phantom Thread’ More Watchable

I fell asleep during Paul Thomas Anderson’s Phantom Thread, because it is a boring film and Daniel Day-Lewis is — more often than not — a terribly boring actor. Yes, I love his performance in There Will Be Blood — that sort of shouty, operatic overacting is what he’s good at. As enigmatic dressmaker Reynolds Woodcock, he is a chore to watch. So here are 5 other actors who, as Woodcock, might have made this dreary work a bit more palatable.

Jude Law is ageless and spectral and can play any role, and he’s the most charismatic English leading man of his generation. His Woodcock might actually have had some much-needed sex appeal.

If we’re sticking with Irish silver foxes to play Woodcock, Pierce Brosnan is the obvious choice. He may not be a great thespian, but he’s incredibly watchable in everything he’s ever made, and would have handled Anderson’s awkward comedy interludes much better than DDL did.

Michael Stuhlbarg should be in every film, play and TV show, because he is the greatest actor on earth. His amazing voice would make Woodcock’s dialogue sound significantly more interesting.

In some scenes, DDL is clearly impersonating Mark Rylance, a far more talented contemporary of his. Rylance is the rational and correct choice for Woodcock.

Why not Adam Sandler? We’ll have to presume in this instance that Woodcock is American because god help anyone who tells Sandler to do an accent, but he’s a very talented dramatic performer as we all know, so I’m sure he’d be up to the challenge!