The Cinematic Moment We All Want & The Fear Behind The Curtain
By Josh Wolfe
The best experiences (and certainly the best pitches from founders and startups) are the ones when recounted that sound like critic pull-quotes from movies.
“Bold, daring, original.” “So damn scintillating”, “Heart-racing” “Fresh, important and relevant, ”Fantastic, utterly fantastic”, “Impossible to resist.” “Electrifying!”
We long for cinematic moments: memory-searing, emotionally-salient, grippingly unique experiences. The kind possessed with an eagerness to share and retell to our own and other’s delight. The scenes that replay like highlight tapes and sneak preview clips deserving of soundtrack music in our life reel.
But we also want the real. Authenticity, unfiltered, no sheen, no shine, no stage direction wrought with vulnerability and vigor, void of production values. The kind possessed with an urgency to keep inside as hidden truth or to be shared with only your closest nonjudgmental friends and family.
There’s a voluptuous chaos between what’s oft projected outside and what’s felt inside.
We tend to romanticize founders and entrepreneurs as confidently poised heroes on a journey and the drama and cast of characters surrounding it. This is the cinema. But if we could peep, like Pixar’s InsideOut, into their minds, we might see hidden emotions, self-doubt, nervousness, anxiety and fear. The common call and refrain most of founders’ conversations with friends and acquaintances go like this:
Friend: “What’s new? All good?”
Founder: “Everything’s great! Amazing actually! We are [insert amazing thing you are about to do or really hope you will do or but if you don’t will feel like shit or thing you just did but are exaggerating]”
Everyone fronts like they’re cool under pressure, but for many it requires effortful energy to suppress. Like Black Moon said, “Don’t Front Ya Know I Got Cha Opin.”
The rare and powerful thing I love most about the founders we back is that they overwhelmingly do both: they make cinematic experiences and share their successes, but have a relationship with us that’s honest and safe to share their fears too.
Fear isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign you really give a shit.
What are founders afraid of? Fear of failing, fear of being rejected, fear of being fired, fear of being wrong, fear of being made fun of, fear of being talked about behind your back, fear of losing control, fear of running out of money, fear of your employees or partners not liking or respecting you, fear of your spouse, family or your friends or anyone whose opinion you care about being disappointed or falling short of the expectations you have set or they have of you. Fear of saying or doing something stupid. Fear of seeming weak. Fear of letting people down who look to you. Fear of not winning, fear of losing, fear of losing to someone you despise.
Add to these fears the anticipation of these fears and you can have anxiety, a full-blown cage match between Woody Allen and Larry David in your chest and your head.
When we founded Lux over a decade ago, I could barely speak in public and was a nervous wreck, but along the way I found physical and mental tricks that let me hack emotions to go on and give hundreds of public speeches, many TV appearances, pitch countless investors for capital to manage in our own funds and hundreds of peer VCs to finance our companies, and hundreds of founders to choose us as their investment partner. Here are a few tricks you might find useful.
1. Remember that everyone gets anxious about something. It confirms you give a damn.
So many heroes we admire harbor and hide their fears and nerves. Apparently Baryshnikov never lost his fear. Laurence Olivier had it for years. Daniel Day Lewis too. Thomas Jefferson only gave two speeches as President and was mortally afraid of speaking. Gandhi was terrified, his vision would fog over and he’d fall mute. Barbara Streisand froze in Central Park in 1967 in front of 100,000 people and never set foot on stage for nearly 30 years except for charity events. Adele and Jay-Z too.
Kevin Parker from Tame Impala talks about this self doubt, remarking:
“By far the worst concerts that I know of have always been in dreams…musicians have this dream of just standing on stage and there being all these people out there, and for some reason, the song isn’t starting. One time, I looked down and my guitar was an empty Gatorade bottle, but it had the strap on it and everything.”
A survey going back two decades of 50 major orchestras found that nearly 1/3 of the musicians used beta-blockers to block stress hormones from binding and blocking their fight or flight response. (Is this akin to doping? At the moment I feel it is and prefer no substances, though a jolt of caffeine before speaking probably makes me hypocritical here.)
2. Breathe.
Mindfulness and meditation seem to be trendy. I’m generally a skeptic about most things but there is something to these practices. In meetings, my partner Adam Goulburn, PhD will give a knowing glance and laugh when he hears me let out an exalted sigh. It’s my tell in a pitch or a meeting that I’ve grown impatient or think I’m hearing BS. But his response is also a signal reminder for me. Consciously controlling breath is a great way to take over from automatic breathing that might be the result of a feeling, and in turn, can often change said feeling. I’ve even found that yoga (though as a skeptic I think it’s just “sequenced stretching”) is useful for repeatedly training your mind in physically uncomfortable positions to breath calmly and not let outside stimuli control the way you feel. As a result, I’ve found that when I’m in a real-life annoying situation I pretend it’s just an uncomfortable stretching pose that will soon end. New Age stuff isn’t my thing, but when Steve Jobs died he gave his last parting gift to everyone at his funeral, a book by a yogi.
3. Have A Stoic Mindset
Stoicism is just a mental hack that says in its most simple form: pretend things are or could be a lot worse than they are. Now you feel better. Some of us are easily excitable, intense, competitive, passionate and vengeful. I find that emotional volatility is almost a prerequisite for the most daring, creative and interesting people. But for decision making (whether in investing or in an important forking strategic choice at a portfolio company) and keeping cool under pressure, the opposite is true, and attaining equanimity trumps volatility. We can all learn form the timeless wisdom of ancient thinkers and rulers like Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca with Stoicism. I’ve found this to be a great simple mental hack that evens out highs and lows and prepares us for dealing with disappointments. Here’s the trick.
Whatever just happened could be worse.
Missed a flight? Annoying. But it could’ve crashed. The weather sucks and it’s too hot, too cold or too rainy. It could be all that and you could have a broken leg. Much of this becomes a mindset. Whether from Victor Frankel’s Man’s Search for Meaning or Shakespeare’s wisdom that “Tis Nothing Either Good or Bad But Thinking Makes it so” or G.K. Chesterton’s quip that an inconvenience is only an adventure rightly considered, or David Foster Wallace putting into perspective the seeming jerk who just cut you off: “…the Hummer that just cut me off is maybe being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he’s trying to get this kid to the hospital, and he’s in a bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am: it is actually I who am in HIS way.”
Anxiety has been diagnosed in over 40 million people in the world, let alone those without it. The ancient Greeks coined the word “angh” its root, which meant constriction. Kierkegaard thought it came from the dread that results from freedom of choice. He distinguished between fear (anticipating a present risk) and anxiety (anticipating an uncertain one). You fear stuff you know. You have anxiety about what may be. Fear and anxiety map a bit like the Frank Knight distinction between risk and uncertainty. I always tell my daughters we are only scared of that which we don’t know. So let’s learn about whatever that thing is that scares us: a movie character, an animal, heights, an amusement park ride, a strange group of kids, swimming, whatever. [When I say it a flying star with a rainbow and a jingle goes across my mind from 1980s PSAs“…The More You Know.”]
(If you’d like to read more about the neural circuitry and chemical cascades underpinning the emotion, and the state of the art treatment methods, I recommend neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux’s “Anxious” or this book review by Susanne Ahmari in Nature.)
I polled many of the founders we have funded who I know have been in high-pressure make or break situations. Here Is Their Advice:
Marc Barros, Moment
As a CEO you want to avoid the “big” conversation, which really means you want to avoid surprises. Anytime you are walking into a situation where the outcome is completely unknown, you end up creating unnecessary anxiety around the result. Whether you are closing a deal, preparing for a board meeting, or having difficult employee conversation, you want the result to be as pre-determined as possible. And in order to do this, you should always be direct in your communication while keeping people constantly informed. Something about success is predetermined if you are doing the work in advance. Being direct early avoids nasty employee meltdowns. Keeping the board involved early avoids confrontation down the line.
Helen Greiner, CyPhy
I ask myself if I would be happier if someone else was taking this on. The answer is usually no. Being an introvert, I used to throw up before public speaking. My advice is to keep doing them and the feeling goes away. Practice from when you are young, in school, at activities, etc. and grab the mic even if you would rather not. Remind yourself that you know the material/idea/topic better than anyone in the world.
Bill Gallo, Kurion
1. Recognize the anxiety and stress and accept it. When Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr found his team trailing the Cleveland Cavaliers 2–1 in the NBA finals this year, he said: “It’s hard. It’s the Finals, it’s supposed to be hard.” Well, the activity, speech, presentation, or meeting that you are facing is important; it’s supposed to be stressful. It is stressful because it’s important to you, and anyone else in your position would feel it as well. Don’t fight the anxiety, accept it. Every top performer accepts the stress.
2. Perspective. Big picture, you are very fortunate to be in this position. This speech/presentation/meeting is a step on a path which you have worked hard. You’ve cleared every hurdle prior and there are very few people who can do what you do. There are also many, many people who have helped you get to this point and they support you.
3. Perform. Prepare well, rehearse, and remember that luck is what happens when opportunity meets preparation. Anticipate the questions and issues which will arise, and prepare your strategies for them. Expect success. Visualize in your mind the achievement of your goals in this event.
Gaspard de Dreuzy, Pager
My best and only piece of advice is to go for a long walk before and after something like a board meeting or a presentation. I use this technique every single day.
Kate Rosenbluth, Cala Health
My go-to trick is go for a quick walk and have a hypothetical conversation with myself about “What is best for the company?” Focusing on the life-changing impact our technology will have on millions of patients struggling with chronic disease, and for the team of people giving so much time and energy to make it happen, reframes my thinking from one of personal self-doubt (“So what if I screw up? Who cares! This is the right thing to do for the company.”) to one of enormous personal motivation. Another mental trick is I take some of my most impactful personal advisors and ask myself, “How would ___ handle this?” Then I do that!
Alex Tkachenko
As founder, you face an unsolvable dilemma: you must believe that what you pursue is right and just and must exist and yet, you must accept that time and context may not be right for you to prevail, and so, the horror of horrors, an American entrepreneur may benefit from accepting a French philosopher’s worldview: “the struggle itself against the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy”.
Once you figure out how to live with this reality, no amount of irrelevant feedback by an ignorant VC will ever make you lose a good night’s sleep. (And you should not be pitching to those anyway!)
Nathan Kundtz, Kymeta
You’re the only advocate for your position. If you don’t believe in it, who will? Never believe anything your opponent “tells” you. He’s not your friend! This “don’t believe it until it’s proven” attitude is a trained mental state- you are going to have to force yourself to enter that state by using the word “Rubbish” until it all becomes an unconscious process.
Matthew Zeiler, Clarifai
The main two things I do is 1) practice practice practice and 2) go for a run. I try to practice enough for presentations / meetings so that when I’m on the spot, I don’t need to rely on memorizing anything ever. What I’m supposed to say should flow naturally once I’ve practiced enough so if I’m thrown off course with questions or any other reason I can continue focused on what I wanted to get across. I also try and run whenever I can. It’s one of the rare times I’m away from my phone and computer so I can clear my head!
Kegan Schouwenburg, SOLS
Running through conversations with a co-worker / role-playing has been super helpful in learning to be more deliberate and focused with communication and ultimately ensure the conversation moves in the direction you want it to. Big meetings, conversations etc. also have a tendency to make me feel physically sick (that’s how stress effects me) so having something on hand to eat / drink usually helps! :)
Josh Bruno, HomeTeam
Getting ready for the big meeting is all about preparation:
1) Know your goals, who will be present, and the context for each participant. Have materials ready a day in advance, and practice it at least once the night before. Too many entrepreneurs try to wing it, and that never ends well. Most importantly, you should make sure you have your 3 bullet points ready for the meeting. If your audience were to hear nothing else but these three points/ideas, what would they be? Knowing them allows you to fall back to your main points if you get lost in a pitch.
2) Choose the battlefield wisely. If it’s a really important meeting, try to book it in the morning. If it’s in the afternoon, don’t plan a stressful day beforehand. Back to back meetings before the big game is a recipe for disaster.
3) Have a ritual. Get a good night’s sleep, go on your morning run, eat your wheaties, and grab your favorite coffee. Even if you’re nervous, knowing that you’re prepared, the stage is set, and you’re in peak mental state is comforting.
Even if you do all these things, you might still find yourself nervous during the big meeting. That’s ok. The best advice I’ve ever received on this topic was from my father, a former air force fighter pilot. “When you get nervous, wiggle your toes. I don’t know why, but it works.”
While not formally part of Lux family, I really liked something author, entrepreneur and investor James Altucher wrote recently about a rapper who has gotten over 200 million views on his YouTube videos. Altucher asked him, “Do you get nervous if one of your videos gets less views than others?” His response: “Nobody remembers your bad stuff. They only remember your good stuff.”
