Escaping caged paradise
Despite all the admiring faces in the room. She never felt like the beauty they were waiting for. Perhaps it was the crazy hurt that moved in her body, feeling like waves that could overflow her whole environment within a moment she wouldn’t be able to count. So she never felt at ease when someone approached her with an unfamiliar kindness. When it came to laughter and sweet words she felt the urge to hold up her arms to prevent them from touching her heart. A place that was so easy to find for many. Still it was the place that was out there impossible to hide. Therefore she had learnt a mechanism to keep them from finding her fragile spot. Even though it was out there to see, it will never be easy to hold. She will keep her heart from many. Even the kindest loving words can’t open this caged paradise.
There were too many experiences that made her bleed from within. She carried too many memories that felt like sharp knives into her chests. Unhealed wounds and scars were still on the surface of her soul, but she will never acknowledge the ongoing small bleedings that kept dripping time after time. So she decided to find the best flowers to cover her wounds and scars and she will look like a unique creature with the sweetest smell so they will never ask why the flowers were on her skin. Everyone will be mesmerized by her appearance, her glow, the sparkling magic she gave when she entered the room. Never did she know that this flowered mask will end up to be the greatest burden to carry. Never could she imagine the energy it will take to pursue with this glowing image of constant perfection and gracefulness. So there were times she cried from pain. The pain of carrying. The pain of missing. The pain of pretending. The pain of constantly trying to hide the truth below the sweetest flowers on her skin. In the end, she couldn’t hide the truth behind her caged paradise of skin and flowers.
One day there was one who was brave enough to remove the covers on her scars. Someone who thought her wounds and scars made her more beautiful than ever. Someone who considered her the greatest diamonds to find. Someone who was willing to help her heal in a true way finding the person she would become with every bit of pain she experienced. It was the most terrifying she experienced for a long time. Not because of the unfamiliarity, but because of all the good and kindness when she was naked. For the first time, her wounds were open for the eyes and all she could do was scream with tears hoping it would chase away the love and tenderness, but it didn’t. Dedication and love was what was needed to make her get through the hurt and heartache she felt going through the memories of the burdens on her skin.
When she was crying she thought about the flowers when hiding felt so safe, but she knew this was the only way to continue her promised quest to finding the clarity of true love in this world. A love that still existed, without secrets and buried caged flesh and bones. It’s this place you reach after going through stages and lessons of heartache, grief, pain leaving the greatest scars deep within letting you know you’ve reached the universe of unconditional love, light and magic.
~when the new Layla is coming your way
by Pherawaty
