The “Your Table Will Be Ready In About…100 Years” Edition
INSTAGRAM: @LZSundayPaper TWITTER: @LZSundayPaper
May 15th, 2016
Dear Readers,
I am not the type of person who likes to stand in line for things. But then again, who is? Yet, who amongst us has not at some point found ourselves on wildly long lines, frustrated, bored, or even a bit angry?
I’m on one pretty consistently: the snaking airport security line-slash-circle-of-hell we’ve come to know as travel, the fake promise of “TSA-PreCheck” held out like a scepter of civility that never quite delivers.
In the past, there were occasions when for one second it seemed like it would be fun and a good idea to acquiesce to the pleas of our momentarily adorable-seeming children imploring us to spend two days in a theme park. Suffice it to say, the phrase “Your wait time from this point will be…” has become close to a triggering event for me.
One thing that I did not succumb to was standing in line for a certain brand of cupcake, when that craze originated in the West Village, near where we lived. It’s not a political stance or anti-cupcake thing, I just don’t care for them. Mercifully, the cronut craze seems to have been shorter lived.
I am, however, the type of person who sometimes considers it an okay idea to stand in line at a restaurant that doesn’t take reservations. If I want to try to avoid that but still want to eat at that restaurant, I will go very early (not afraid to be uncool, knowing I already am) or really late (not afraid to be tired, knowing I already am). Sometimes, though, during restaurant primetime, I find myself jammed into a hot vestibule, or hopping back and forth on a cold sidewalk, or nearly bumping up against diners’ tables at the front of the bar/restaurant area as we (the prospective eaters) meaningfully glare at the seemingly slo-mo diners as they, in return, studiously avoid the jumble of coats and bags at their elbows. Their check remains stalwartly face down on the table in front of them for what seems like eons.
There are lots of restaurants that do take reservations, but are so popular that they have elaborate systems for booking them and often very long delays in securing a table. Some have a “call on the 1st-of-every-month to make a reservation three months later; others have a “secret” email address that can be procured from an insidery shadow network of influential Foodie types. I’ve been on the inside (Thank you, Top Chef!) and I’ve been blown off — plenty. But never, I mean never, have I been given such an honest appraisal as this one, of a wait time for a reservation that spans years — in fact, a decade! And so politely!
I just want to make sure that you have read this email carefully: In the first scenario — the positive one — the wait is approximately 10 years. In the latter, friendly reservationist T_____ encourages me to keep in touch to check on the sporadic availability of talented, yet capricious, Chef’s Monday/Tuesday slot. At the same time, he recognizes that this could entail a wait of “over 100 years.” That is a hot ticket! I’m willing to wait, but likely in 2116 there will likely be no more fish in the ocean and our great grand-kids will be eating virtual Snapchat Snap Peas or some other chemical concoction because all the soil will have turned toxic. Oh and also I won’t be alive.
But let’s look on the bright side. T_______ and I have been emailing for over 3 years already, so I am that much closer to the coat check. By the way, I have never met anyone else who has heard of this restaurant, but apparently 217,000 other people have. Their reservations must be on a very big clipboard.
Sent right to your virtual doorstep, and with no delivery fee, please enjoy this feast of news on the topics of business, politics, technology, media, film, tv, fashion, sports, literature and general pop culture. Organic. Kosher-style. It’s hand-picked. By me. For you.
You can peruse the archive at LZSundayPaper.com.
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See you next week,
LZ
THE PIC(K) OF THE WEEK:
Why Does The Misty Copeland Barbie Doll Look So…White? via The Washington Post
BUSINESS, POLITICS, NEWS:
Trump: “All of the men, we’re petrified to talk to women anymore” via Vox
There Are Just 20 Women CEO’s Of S&P 500 Companies: Here’s How Much They Make via Forbes
Women Outnumber Clerics In Iran’s Parliament For The First Time via The International Business Times
There’s Nothing Wrong With Having A Baby In Your 70’s via The Guardian
Harvard Is Finally Cracking Down On Its Exclusive, Sexual Assault-Prone Final Clubs via Vox
ARTS, FASHION, MUSIC, LIT, SPORTS & POP CULTURE:
‘The Good Wife’ Made The Case for Strong Women, Good Writing via The San Francisco Chronicle
Azealia Banks Has Finally Been Suspended From Twitter via Vulture
Does A Woman-Dominated Line-Up Help Progression In Music? via Dazed Digital
High Maintenance: Down With High Heels via The New Yorker
Why Does Trinidad Hate Its Olympic Gymnast Marisa Dick via The Daily Beast
THE REST:
Why Do These White Women Look So Sad? via Pacific Standard
Unpopular Opinion: I am A Rape Victim, Not A Survivor via XO Jane
CAN THIS ACTUALLY BE A THING? OR IS IT THE NYTIMES’ VERSION OF CLICKBAIT WHICH I TERM “SHAREBAIT” OR ACTUALLY THINGS-TO-MAKE-PEOPLE-WORRY-ABOUT-NON-EXISTENT “ISSUESBAIT”:
More Teenage Girls Seeking Genital Cosmetic Surgery via The New York Times
AND WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE ABOUT:
What To Give Your Husband For His Birthday, Better Than The Girls At The Office Do It via YouTube
The LZ Sunday Paper™ (It is supposedly trademarked and might be copyrighted — I’m afraid to ask my lawyer again because each time I do, I still don’t understand the answer but get a bill for asking) launched at the dawn of 2014. We expose and recirculate interesting content that is about, and frequently by, women in business, with a dose of ultra-relevant culture. We think that culture comes in sizes high and low, not much room for medium, though we like to publish on capital M Medium. Our audience is vast and not gender-driven. Every week we expect to deliver at least one good laugh. Send suggestions, clips, or names of people you think might enjoy this to LZSundayPaper@gmail.com.
