Here are the contents of my travel journal from my semester in Dublin:

Hibernophiles, read on.

The coast of Connemara.

Things to do in Ireland:

• Trinity College, Book of Kells, St. Stephen’s Green, Jameson Distillery, Phoenix Park, Guinness Storehouse, Kilmainham Gaol, GAA match ✓
• Howth, Galway, Connemara, Cork, Kinsale ✓
• Killarney National Park, Wicklow Mountains National Park ✓
• Cliffs of Moher ✓
• get dumped by an Irish guy over WhatsApp ✓

Food and drink: a retrospective

• # of fish ‘n’ chips: 9
• # of pints of Guinness, with or without a dash of blackcurrant syrup: 13
• # of times I’ve mispronounced Smithwick’s: 5
• # of times I’ve eaten only Irish potatoes for dinner, because I felt it was my duty: 12
• # of times making steel-cut Irish oats for breakfast, because I felt it was my duty: 21
• # of Jameson & ginger ale w/ lime: 25
• # of times consuming ice cream made with “Irish rain water” (€0.50 extra): 7
• (# of visits to the university gym: 11)

10 points to America.

Favorite Irish names:

• Eoin (pronounced “Owen”)
• Niall (pronounced “Nile”)
• Pádraig (pronounced “Podrick” or “Porick” or “Podrig” or “Porig”)
• Darragh (pronounced “Darr-uh”)
• Oisin (pronounced “Uh-sheen”)
• Aoife (pronounced “Ee-fa”)
• Saoirse (pronounced “Sear-shuh”)
• Niamh (pronounced “Nee-iv”)

Expressions and my attempt to decipher them:

• You’re very welcome. → rather than a response to ‘Thank You,’ this just means “Welcome!”
• deadly → really cool
• slainté → cheers/good health (pronounced “slon-shuh”)
• the craic → pronounced “crack,” this term confuses a lot of English-speaking tourists. In short, it’s the Irish word for “fun.” But it gets way more complicated than that. It can be used as a greeting, like, “Yo, Saoirse. How’s the craic?” And as you can imagine, previously mentioned English-speaking tourists might interpret a question about the quality of “the crack” a little differently without that knowledge base. There are also different levels of craic, depending on how deadly—both cool and fatal—your night out was: “good craic,” “mighty craic,” “savage craic,” “deadly craic,” and “the craic was ninety.”
• grand → good/fine (ex: “Ah sure, it’ll be grand” = “It’s fine,” when you really know it won’t be fine at all.)
• gas → funny
• pants → juvenile term for underwear; was advised not to use.
• your man → the person (male) the speaker is referring to, esp. if the name is unknown. Or someone’s genitals.
• Are you alright? → the Irish equivalent to “Can I help you?” when you’re standing by the bar at a pub, looking clueless and American.
• crisps → potato chips, a.k.a. Taytos
• chips → french fries/potato wedges
• the jacks → toilet
• gobshite → idiot
• eejit → idiot
• ride → attractive woman
• bird → girl/girlfriend
• culchie → someone from the country
• Plastic Paddy → someone who descends from the people of the Irish diaspora and misappropriates stereotypical aspects of Irish culture.
• taking the piss → making fun of
• piss in the bed → dandelions
• yis → you (pl.)
• fair play → good job
• gaff → house
• Howiya? → How are you?
• póg mo thóin → kiss my arse (pronounced “poh-g muh hone”)
• arseways → sideways/backwards

How can you say ‘no’ to that face?

Observations and miscellany:

• The Irish are so nice that even the bus signs say ‘sorry’ when the bus is full.
• Dublin women love a strong brow, even if it’s drawn on.
• Irish people are dog people.
• Plastered old men might cop a feel in a pub if you happen to be standing close by. Take heed.
• All the Irish know “Take Me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver because it’s performed frequently in ‘authentic’ tourist pubs. If you tell someone you’re from Virginia, they’ll assume you also mean West Virginia. And then you’ll say, “Hmm, not exactly. You know Ireland and Northern Ireland? Well, it’s like that.”
• Falafel is EVERYWHERE.
• An Irish Car Bomb isn’t something a Dublin pub could offer you.
• Every guy—and I mean EVERY—has an undercut. You’ll find a men’s barber shop on nearly every block in Dublin—because undercuts require frequent maintenance, obviously. And when you pass by one, you’ll notice that all of the images of haircuts displayed in the window are variations on the undercut—a vaguely threatening insinuation that one ought not don any other kind of chop.
• “Irish guys only care about their friends and their mum.” -my Irish friend, Fiona