Spring has sprung!
Quarterly Update: Spring
May 1, 2018
Spring finally sprung. It took a while. We had sleet on Easter, and freezing temperatures into mid-April. I ran out of patience and appreciation for winter about then. It was a longer and colder winter than usual. Six months of being on the colder side was enough. I think Mother Nature was just initiating us. How much can you take? Well, I found out.
Spring, when she finally made her entrance, is spectacular. The violets and wildflowers were the first to make an appearance, dotting the hillsides with purple and white sparkle. The daffodils and dandelions popped opened their sunny heads as a proclamation, “Wait! Just hang in there! She’ll be here soon!” The pear and cherry trees decided to imitate cotton ball clouds, and give us a taste of heaven. A few weeks later, the tulips’ tight buds opened and basked unapologetically in the sun. Now, the maples and oaks are putting on their bright green lace. It is beautiful. Flip flops are back. Winter coats and hats are put away. Olie wore shorts to school this morning. We’re all glad that Spring finally got over her cold.
We had many adventures this season. That last three months kicked off by my accepting a job. I left full-time employment 7 years ago, when Olie was 6 months old. I’d tried going back to work shortly thereafter, and found that I was not a Super Mom, the kind who could do everything. I tried, and it broke me. It took me several years, a few bouts with depression, a couple of identity crises, and a lot of help, to begin to recover my well-being. I didn’t realize it while I was working, but the entirety of my self-worth and identity was tied up in my job. I loved the work that I did. It was a lot of work to get to know and accept myself without those external parameters. I’m happy to report that I now understand that I am a human being worthy of love, rest, play and fun, even when I’m not a human doing.
One of the biggest things that helped was Hand in Hand Parenting by Connection. It’s a Palo Alto based non-profit whose mission is to support parents with the insights, skills and tools necessary to build the meaningful connections that parents and children need to thrive. I found Hand in Hand during one of those desperate internet searches on helping children sleep. Olie was 18 months old, and I hadn’t slept much in as long. I needed help. I didn’t know how to parent the way I wanted to, but I knew it was different than what I saw around me and read about in books. Through Hand in Hand, I learned how to make space for my son’s emotions, in a way that respected both him and me. I learned how to allow myself to be imperfect, and I’ve learned how to let myself play. It made such a difference in our lives that I decided to enter their training program and become a certified Instructor of Hand in Hand Parenting by Connection. Promptly after receiving my certification, we moved to Missouri. I took several months to recoup from the move and settle in. Olie was settled in school, taking the bus, and I had a lot of time on my hands. I realized that I need regular intellectual stimulation, and I was just ready to begin looking for a job.
Just then, the Program Manager position opened at Hand in Hand, and after some prodding, I decided to apply. Within a couple of weeks, I was getting trained. As Program Manager, I manage the classes and talks sponsored by Hand in Hand, I support our global roster of over 120 Instructors, and manage the Instructor Certification program. The position is part-time, and I work from home. If I could write a job for myself, this would be pretty close. I’m happy to say that I love it.
Because of the challenges we faced the last time I had a big job, we were a bit nervous about my venturing back into the work force. I’m proud to say that thus far, it’s been going well, especially considering all of the extra and unexpected activity over the last three months, including a trip to CA for my 7Directions Dance Ceremony facilitator training graduation, my grandfather’s death, a trip to NYC for Mama Gena’s Mastery, Olie’s spring break, two sets of friends visiting from CA, the death of two of the last three chickens, the adoption of baby chicks, and the death of our family cat Orson, all while taking good care of myself. It’s been intense, exhausting, exhilarating, heartbreaking, and joyous. It’s been a big stretch for me that I did without breaking. I think I needed this to prove to myself that I’m a lot stronger now than I gave myself credit for. I’m definitely proud of myself, and of my family.
I have so much gratitude — for spring, for baby chicks, for the last chicken who keeps me company now, for the amazing live music scene here in St. Louis, for dancing, for my new friends, for my old friends, and, most of all, for my awesome family.
Happy Spring, everyone!
