NEWSLETTER
Your True Friends Will Absolutely Whoop Your Ass
August 3rd edition of the Ma(n)ximize newsletter
Published in
2 min readAug 3, 2022
As we’re panting like galloping horses, “Pair up! 30 Cossack squats each side! Quick!”, screams our coach.
As we struggle to 20, “Let’s take a 5 second break”, I plead with shaky legs but my friend goes, “At 25! Grind on!”
25 in and I don’t want a break — as we pause to gasp at 35, “Let’s round it to 40” he croaks.
Another round of this mutual pushing and we had hit 50 cossacks! — leaving us with spasming legs and the coach grinning with pleasant pride.
Most “Friends” = Crabs or Sycophants
We live in a society that encourages mediocrity and views relationships as profitable transactions.
So, most of the humans we call our “friends” fall into two categories:
- Mediocrity-loving crabs that slyly pull you down. Shoving cigarettes onto your face, popping open beer bottles, “Skip the gym! Let’s party”, and dissing your ambitions with, “Bah! Keep dreaming. That’s impossible.”
- Fawning sycophants looking to curry favor. Slathering you with fake flattery, feeding your ego, and validating your bullsh*t.
