I Think: Sex should not be owned by only one gender
Archana Kavi, actress & YouTuber, Mumbai
I get most of my news from the internet. When I read about sexual violence, it stings. Rape is the most disgusting thing to happen to anyone.
I have lived in different parts of India and I think the incidence of sexual harassment increases as you go up north. I was born and raised in Delhi. And I might be wrong, but Delhi is not a safe place for women. There were always men passing comments about us, stalking us: it felt normal for me. The first time my cousin took a public bus, her mother told her to carry a pin for protection. It was a way of life.
I started travelling alone very recently. It feels very liberating. But right from the time you leave home you are practically prepared to get raped. My parents were pretty protective. As a kid I don’t remember hearing the term rape or talking about it. Now the number of sexual assault cases has increased and people talk more about it.
If the government doesn’t do anything about it, [sexual violence] will become a way of living. Recently I read an article on the gangrape of an 8-year-old by boys who were 12 to 14 years old. One of the boys had watched a pornographic video and he was curious about it. Where are we heading? It is normal for boys and girls to undergo biological changes at that age. But it is the parents’ responsibility to teach them to be sensitive about it. In this case I’m sure the boy did not know what was right and what was wrong.
Parents need to be educated. And they should in turn educate their sons first. Fathers ask their daughters not to go out late and say that they don’t trust the world outside. Parents are sending their daughters to self-defence classes, but what about their sons? I feel a lot of men do not know what is right or wrong when it comes to women. And this is because of their upbringing.
The rules are different for men and women. There is a lot more freedom given to men and some do not respect women. Girls and boys are not allowed to interact much at a younger age. There is not even casual friendship, because parents are so overprotective. Once boys are out of their parents’ sight, they tend to take part in ‘forbidden’ practices. The concept of consent should be taught to boys and girls both. I wish sex education had started earlier in time.
I strongly feel that sex should not be owned by one gender. People tend to forget that it is something women need equally. If we start respecting that, I think we’ll be in a better place.
Punishment for rape should be served quickly. I wish the government would act quicker with stronger punishments.
The media should be more careful about reporting rape. They should be more sensitive towards the survivor and harsh towards the rapist: the latter’s name should be called out and pictures should be put up. I think the survivor should be given her/his privacy. Their comfort should be prioritised over anybody else’s. Journalists should not try and protect the accused just because he is influential.
One of my friends from the Malayalam film industry was sexually assaulted recently and the media mentioned her name at first. The story differed everyday and became an entertainment spectacle. The truth should be reported and there should be no unnecessary sensationalism. My father is a journalist. He always told me that we should publish unbiased facts and not our opinion.
The film industry has a huge role to play. The tactics used by heroes to ‘get a girl’ in the movies of the 1990s were the worst. And people tend to believe that the same happens in real life. If it’s imperative that a certain character be portrayed like that, they should at least not be glorified. Maybe a disclaimer should be added. There should be more films from the woman’s point of view as well.
As an actress, I have observed how the script for a woman’s character is written by men. And we have been watching it and believing that what they are portraying on the screen might be the truth. I think it’s time we portrayed women from a different perspective. Why are women actresses always playing intense drama — why can’t we pull off an all-out comedy?
If I were a journalist, my primary focus would be the mind of the rapist. I would really want to know his back-story, the kind of family he comes from, what he was thinking when he committed that crime.
I feel that class and caste have nothing to do with rape. It happens everywhere. More than education, I feel it is upbringing that will make a difference.
I haven’t spoken about rape to the media before. It is not that I’m uncomfortable doing it. It’s just that I think it is pointless. It is not that the perpetrators do not know it is wrong. A week after the Nirbhaya case, yet another rape was committed, in spite of Nirbhaya being talked about by so many people on so many different levels. We’ve been talking about it enough. It’s time we do something about it.
Find Kavi on YouTube here.
