All the Kids On This Show Are Surprisingly Well Adjusted

Judging by the amount of press posted up outside Bette’s house the morning after her daughter’s play, you’d think she was OJ Simpson hiding out hours after the Bronco chase. I don’t know how her gently shoving a man down some steps in self defense (and he seems fine??) has solicited this much attention, but apparently Bette is a big fucking deal in this mayoral race and the tabloids can’t get enough of this very lukewarm love affair.

Alice cuts through the crowds outside Bette’s house, looking like a pastel MC Hammer, with Shane following behind her. Determined to make this all about her, Alice gets mad at Bette for not telling her she was still having an affair. Because this somehow gives her daytime talk show less credibility? But didn’t we kind of kiss credibility goodbye when we invited our friends on the show and didn’t fact check their stories? We sure did! Anyway, Alice is pissed and leaves, because she didn’t come by to see how Bette was doing, she came to rip her a new asshole and then go indoor skydiving.

After Alice leaves, Bette suddenly remembers she has to take Angie to the DMV for her driver’s test later that day and basically loses her shit and says she has to quit the campaign because it’s all too much — even though she’s really rich and has a completely competent co-parent she could call. Shane offers to…