Carol Is a Fuckboy

Now that the world is ending, I feel safe admitting to you all that I hate Carol. It’s like watching gay paint dry. And I’ve never understood why people think it’s so romantic, when Carol is basically a femme Shane in a fascinator and gloves.

First, this bitch just breezes into the toy section of her local department store and makes a beeline for the 20-something hottie working behind the counter — like she hasn’t done that before. Therese, who has the energy of a serial killer who owns an Etsy shop, looks shook. Carol’s like “can I get a doll?” and then basically lights up a cigarette right there in the middle of the store (classic fuckboy move). It’s clear Therese and her baby bangs don’t stand a chance.

As her weird way of hitting on Therese, Carol shows her a photo of her four-year-old daughter, Rindy, who for some reason has the same exact haircut as Therese. This definitely wasn’t a coincidence, considering the director clearly labored over every detail of this film, but it’s definitely fucking creepy. This is the first of many parallels the filmmaker draws between Therese and Rindy. He really wanted the viewers to think Carol’s attraction to Therese somehow stems from her longing to be with her daughter. Why? Who knows! But it’s gross.

The entire time she’s talking to Therese, Carol maintains eye contact like an actual animal hunting prey. She…