Two Bowls Of Oatmeal Find Love In ‘Happiest Season’

We’re about to enter into the holiday season of one of the darkest years in human history. What better way to top it off than with a movie about two nearly identical white women falling in love?? All while possessing the chemistry of distant cousins who kind of hate each other and ultimately themselves.

Starring America’s Only Lesbian, Kristen Stewart, Happiest Season is a new rom com about a dyke, we’ll call her Lesbian 1, who expects to get to know her live-in girlfriend’s family over the holidays, only to find out she hasn’t even mentioned her existence to them. Like most movies about gay people, it focuses entirely on how gay the characters are and about how gross and weird that is.

As in any healthy relationship with open communication, Lesbian 2 doesn’t tell Lesbian 1 she’s still in the closet until moments before they arrive at her family’s house. We find out she told her family her girlfriend is an orphan she lives with. I’m not sure why “roommate” wasn’t a better option considering idk how funny people without parents (like a lot of queer kids!) will find this joke — *especially* around the holidays. (FFS!!!)

Calamity, of course, ensues!! There’s lots of really funny jokes about gay stereotypes and the gender binary, with a sprinkling of playful homophobia — all the things the cishets need to feel…