Getting office discussions right
I had a recent conversation about how arguments get ugly really fast at work places. I found the conversation exciting and truly connected to the problem, even though at the time of this writing i do not work at a workplace.
Better to have a strong stance and be wrong
It is only when one has a stance and holds it strong that the discussion actually becomes useful. Having a strong stance helps in two ways
- Makes sure you are communicating what you believe in succinctly.
- Makes sure you gain enough rebuttals to prove it wrong.
Be strong or don’t speak
Even if one has an opinion but not very strong about it, it is in the best interest of the discussion to hold the stance strongly and try to defend it, in precise objective ways. If you are right, you will be able to communicate the message without ambiguity that arises from uncertainty of the stance. If you are wrong, the other person will be able to make pointed statements about why a certain opinion is probably incorrect. Either ways this strong stance helps resolve the discussion faster.
It is better to not participate in the discussion, and add chaos, than to take a half hearted stance.
Accept being wrong
Even though one should take a strong stance, it is important to note that once the other person has made points that invalidates the stance you have taken, it should be made clear that you accept your stance to be incorrect. This is probably much harder. Accepting defeat in a discussion, in most people’s eyes, is a big let down. By definition, a discussion can come to an end only if one of the participants accepts that his/her opinion is not best suited in the given context.
This should be accepted as soon as there are objective leading indicators to the fact. In a discussion, if you realize that you are wrong — you had missed some facts, you had not reviewed some data, you didn’t have the required background, you made a bad calculation, you misunderstood some past communication — you should call it out and break down your stance.
Accepting a mistake is a sign of the strong
A good way to take down your stance is
“I am wrong, and Alice is right. I made a mistake in the calculations. I am sorry. I will make sure i revise my numbers before i come to the meeting”
Just like an apology, backing out should have all the 4 parts
- Admission : That you were wrong
- Explanation : Why you made the mistake
- Remorse : Say sorry
- Correct it : How will you not let this happen again in your personal capacity
Speak objectively
Many arguments are made standing on an egoistic pedestel. It not only makes backing out harder, but introduces friction in the discussion and prolongs the length.
Points should be made against other points, not people.
You should clearly separate the person you are referring to from the comment he/she has made. Always raise points on the opinions, never attack the identity of the person. The moment you attack the identity of the person the person will move from participating in the discussion to defending his/her own image.
“You are saying this as if this is the first time you are making a quarterly report, Bob.”
“We should not include this statement in our quarterly report because our investors will not react to it positively. You know better, Bob”
Though both the above statements display clear frustration about the fact that a certain opinion was put forth by Bob, one attacks Bob while the other attacks the point he raised. Bob is more likely to react in a positive way when his identity is not directly attacked.
A good hack to make sure you are not saying something that might potentially attack someone else’s ego, is to ask for your turn to speak and take a couple of seconds before you actually start talking!
Discussions in a workplace is a taxing experience. We can atleast help keep it short :)
