20 lessons in 20 years of existence

Today, I turned 20.

As much as I believe age is just a number, I still feel your age is significant, in that it reminds you how quickly time is passing. Not only that, but it reminds you of how each year, each day, brought with it a new, maybe challenging experience for you, shaping you to become who you are today and who you will become tomorrow. And that is why I decided to write this post. To remind myself of the lessons I’ve learn throughout my childhood and adolescent years.

So what have I learnt from life so far?

1. Time is of essence. Our mere existence is just minutes and seconds and milliseconds. All which make up the greater image of our life. If we were to truly understand the value of time, we would accomplish so much in a short period. If we understood how quick time passes, we wouldn’t let a single minute go by except that it was utilised in the betterment of ourselves or those around us.
2. Maturity is sought through experience. Sometimes we meet people who have lived less years on this earth, yet they carry a special kind of maturity. It’s as though they have known heartbreak, pain, challenges before they were supposed to. It pushed them to stand up on their own two feet and battle the storms that came their way. It strengthened them. It gave them a new, maturer perspective on life.
3. Failure is inevitable. Mistakes are going to be made. We will fall into potholes and traps we may have been avoiding for so many years of our life. But the ground is where humility lies. We are made to fall to rise. We are made to sin to seek redemption. We are made to break so we can be remade into better people. We are made to bleed to experience the sweetness of healing.
4. Sometimes silence isn’t gold. Not when you are burying a deep, dark secret. Not when you are being hurt, abused, used, broken. Not when you are in pain. In these moments, it isn’t wise to suppress. But to express to someone you can trust. Never keep silent about injustice or oppression. It will destroy you on the inside.
5. Trust takes a lot of time to rebuild. People will betray you. ‘Friends’ will violate your trust. And it will keep happening. Your heart will keep on breaking. Till you believe that the only One you can trust is Allah. But it’s trust in Allah that will help you trust His creation again. Knowing that He will place you in safe hands, knowing that if someone is removed from your life, then it is because they are not worth your time and energy. They are not worthy of your trust, but they will be replaced by someone who is.
6. Soulmates do exist. There are people you come across that you will instantly click with. People whom can see beyond the layers of masks you’ve been wearing all your life. And when they come, you’ll know it. They’ll see through you and you through them and no matter how many miles apart they may be from you, it won’t change a thing.
7. Du’aa is your ultimate weapon. In times of hardship and ease, in times of joy and sadness, in despair, in failure, in hope, in fear, in anticipation, in gratitude, Du’aa is your lifeline. Ask and ask more, because He is readily awaiting to hear your hearts plea.
8. Plan, but remember the best of all planners. You may set a goal. Take a route and expect a certain outcome. You may plan and prepare, you may wait in anticipation, you may take a certain road, only to discover that the destination isn’t what you expected. The road took you elsewhere. That’s why, whilst waiting or working towards your goals, enjoy the experience. Because sometime it’s not about the end goal, but the journey that leads to it.
9. The challenges only get harder. But at the same time, you also get stronger. Each battle you fight, each storm you pass through, each hardship you persevered, meant you were becoming more braver, courageous and resilient every time. It doesn’t mean that the next challenge will be a breeze. But you will have new tools to help you with each obstacle next time you meet them.
10. Marriage isn’t easy, but nothing worth pursuing ever was. It isn’t all roses and petals. Some days it can feel like your walking on thorns. But that’s the beauty of marriage. Even on those days, you choose ‘we’ over ‘me’, you choose forgiveness over resentment, you choose mercy over hatred, you choose excuses over blame, and that is what paves way for the roses and petals.
11. You will never meet any human beings like your parents. Nor will another human being give you the unconditional love, care, nurturing like they did. Even in their moments of discipline, they wanted good for you. And to detach from them and become an independent person, is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
12. Dreams do come true. They make take time. They may come at a cost. They may be delayed. But if you’re true to what you believe in and you work for it; if you have faith in His plan, you will see your dreams unfold under your very eyes, sometimes when you’re least expecting it. Remember, His delays are not His denials.
13. Walk away. If a relationship or friendship is not making you a better person, but a worse one. If you feel like a relationship is toxic and suffocation. If you are being destroyed by it; stand up and walk away. Don’t continue validating people whose actions are unjust. If they really want you, they will come back, better and with a changed attitude. That is the best kind of apology.
14. They key to contentment is gratitude. It’s in seeking the positives in every seemingly negative situation. It is in finding the silver lining in every grey cloud. It’s in enjoying the sight of the rainbow even when there is heavy rain fall.
15. Travelling teaches you about attachment. Because you have to wave goodbyes, you have to leave places and people, you have to continue moving without letting go, and that’s a tough thing to do. Your heart is always longing for another place or person, but for as long as the heart is attached to its Creator, no matter where in the world one may go, if His remembrance remains alive within our hearts, then He will be with us wherever we may be, wherever destiny takes us.
16. Change is the only constant thing in life. Just like the seasons change, so do people. So do you. And every phase of your life will bring to surface a new version of you. Embrace this person. Embrace the change. You are only growing through the experience.
17. Write to feel, recite to heal. Whenever I feel pain or sadness, I find two steps that help me heal. The first is to write what I am feeling. Writing is like opening a wound or removing a stitch that is hurting, then I would recite His words; the Qur’an, because I was so raw after writing, I was able to take healing from His words. They were like a bandage that helped the bleeding stop.
18. Babies give us hope. They remind us that innocence and purity still exists in this world. They remind us that even the most evil person was once a baby who knew nothing, but so is the best person. Babies become either amazing human beings or the most wretched. It’s how we nurture them. There is hope that even one of them could grow up and bring light into this dark world.
19. Strength is not in willingly giving up on a dream, an ambition or a deep longing to achieve something for His sake, in order to live more comfortably. It is to continue the journey *despite* the limitations, the worries, the obstacles. It is to keep chasing that dream, despite the many times life has knocked you back or you have failed on the way. Strength is struggling to choose certainty and contentment over the worry, uncertainty and sadness buried deep inside. It’s easy to want to stay settled in our comfort zones, but to come out of our cocoons and choose to take the risk with tawakkul and ihsaan, that takes courage and strength.
20. Sensitivity. To be extremely sensitivity is a strangely beautiful quality to have. At times extremely bitter, at times extremely sweet, at times deeply frustrating and painful, and at other times deeply pleasing — but nevertheless a rare gift I wouldn’t trade for the world.