Guest post: “Weakness upon weakness”
“And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship…” [Quran 46:15]
“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness…” [Quran 31:14]
These verses are so beautiful they bring tears to my eyes. In both these verses where Allah asks us to be kind to and take care of our parents, He specifically and only mentions what the woman, the mother, goes through and puts herself through as the greatest sacrifice of parenthood: carrying and delivering a child. Allah acknowledges how it is not only the excruciating act of labor and birth, but even more the different stages of carrying a child that are such a strain and demand on a woman’s mind, body and emotions.
Why these verses are so comforting is because while being pregnant and giving birth seem to be the most normal and natural processes of human life, the struggles associated with them are consequently normalized to such an extent that it may actually seem weird to sit and admire a pregnant woman for everything she’s putting herself through. In fact, only when a woman is actually in labor and giving birth do people seem to remember and pray for her and give her struggle SOME acknowledgment.
But reading posts of how women go through months of constant vomiting, daily/weekly hospital trips to get IV injections because they cannot even hold water in their stomachs, terrible nausea the entire day with no relief, constipation, haemmarhoids, preeclampsia, deep vein thrombosis, fibroids, bleeding, back and joint pains, severe weight gain/loss, bloating, heartburn, restless legs, itching, stretch marks, linea negras, pigmentation, varicose veins, swelling, anemia, urinary and yeast infections, severe depression and mood swings, kidney infections, gestational diabetes, sciatica and unbearable pain due to nerves getting pressed/dislocated — ALL of this just while CARRYING the baby, and in situations where they have no domestic help or family support topped with completely unsupportive, inconsiderate husbands and other children to take care of too; I am left breathless trying to comprehend the strength and selflessness that Allah has placed in a woman. It is no wonder that Allah Himself has recognized and singled out this immense struggle of even CARRYING a child as the one act of parenthood that deserves the most honorable mention.
You are heroes, each and every one of you who is pregnant. When you are tossing and turning at night because of the discomfort of your changing body shape, when you are sitting up unable to sleep because of heartburn and reflux or leg pain and you watch everyone else around you sleeping soundly, when you are alone in the bathroom throwing up and feeling like you will faint with exhaustion, when your depression makes you close yourself off from the world and cry in a loneliness you cannot understand or escape from, remember Allah is watching you, and He is watching your “weakness upon weakness”, your “hardship upon hardship”. Hear His immortal words of empathy and feel Him comforting you even when the whole world seems oblivious to your daily, constant, exhausting struggle.
And, how ironic that a moment after the birth, all eyes are on the child for whom praises and gifts start pouring in, while the real star is left to watch from her bed, with the most content smile on her face. If a woman you know gives birth, get her a gift, because it is SHE who deserves it more than the child!
Written by Zaynab Chinoy.
