Genocide & Hijrah: On parenting amidst conflict and change
I can’t recall the last time I sat down and opened up Medium. The last time I wrote a blogpost or article is a truly distant memory. For someone who has always found healing, clarity and a voice through writing, I am surprised it has taken me this long to pick my pen up again. I have almost forgotten how to string sentences together in a way that incites reflection, or how to translate those buried thoughts into a language both I and the reader understand.
But I will try anyway. The first step is always the hardest. And though the pen hasnt been used for a while — the ink has not dried.
My reason for return is to relay the new hurdles us parents face as we witness alongside those under our care, the most documented genocide in history. Whereby thousands of Palestinians as we speak, are being brutually killed — starved, displaced and tortured whilst millions of them have been forcefully removed from the place they knew as home. A place that belongs to them, filled with memories of moments only they know of and remember.
As a parent, it’s a time of global crisis and uncertainties. A time where the parts of our heart and soul that awake when we become parents, surface to connect and empathise with the pain of those parents who are burying their children, watching them go through excruciating pain and not be able to do anything — carrying the guilt of not being able to provide the basic necessities to their own flesh and blood.
Our hearts break, our eyes tear. Our mind struggles to process and so we find ourselves absent from the present day to day moments with our children. We feel the guilt and helplessness. We talk to our children about what’s happening but their innocent questions and confusion at the state of humanity leaves us feeling more concerned about the future of our Ummah.
We turn the pages of our Mushaf to find solace and peace and raise our hands alongside our children to pray for those oppressed and suffering. We continue to soothe, nurse, feed, play with and read to our children, whilst our mind grapples with the unimaginable loss another mother thousands of miles away is experiencing not far from the third sacred land.
Moreover, whilst the world is shifting and the good and the evil is being made apparant, as a family we have been navigating a change which although has no comparison, has made us reflect about the future generation and our role as parents in today’s dystopian world. Moving from the West to the East and for me personally, moving country for the first time, is a change that comes with its own anxieties and uncertainties. From the rain and cold air of Britain to the sandy deserts of the Middle East — in order to give my children a better environment that will aid in their Tarbiyah and to be close to ageing parents of my better half bi ithnillah. This is not a shift that will come without its own challenges.
And so from one parents to another who like us are not the same person as we were before October 7th and who like us may be experiencing life changes of our own, here are some things that might help to keep you grounded:
- Communicate: Supression is not healthy and if you’re a small child not knowing why your caregiver is extra irritable, more teary, a little bit absent and more fatigued, it can be quite anxiety inducing. Talk to your little ones, albeit according to their age and level, about why you may be feeling this way. Children are great empathisers. And when you talk, you open up space to have discussions that allow you to educate them about the true reality of whats happening and about Allah (swt) and why He allows such things to happen. Car discussions or a quick chat before bedtime is all you need sometimes. If it’s a big change you’re navigating, encourage expression through drawing, writing and thinking about the good coming from the change.
- Keep connected to the Quran: The words of Allah are our anchor admist crisis and change. Everyday as a parent make it a goal to recite the Quran by yourself and with your children. And play the Quran regularly in their environment — as they play, whilst in the car, as you go about your day. A heart that is turbulent can find steadiness and peace in the words of Allah.
- You are a teacher too: Over the past 2 months, I’ve been thinking alot about this question. What if our children are the generation who will grow up and be present when the Imam Mahdi arrives? Or when Easa (as) returns? We can’t afford for our children to not know their religion, who they are, their beliefs, their history and what is to come of the unseen. We must parent like we are preparing leaders of the Ummah who may possibly have to witness far worse than a live genocide from our screens. Will they be strong enough to adhere to the truth and not falsehood? Or will they simply follow the crowd? Knowledge is power and realising that we are their teachers can enable to us to give them a well-rounded and well-informed education of our religion, values and our history.
- Tarbiyah is a combination of both nurture and nature: Yes, whilst it does begin at home, we can no longer remove the big part society and the wider environment has to play on a growing child. We are seeing it now on social media and the power it has over influencing people and their whole mindset. And this is why as a parent we need to be more alert and aware of our children’s environment. From school to madrassah to their afterschool socialising to what they view on their screens. Be conscious. One motivator for our own hijrah was to enable for our children whilst young, to grow up in an environment where the values at home are being echoed in their surroundings. And as I navigate the UAE with its warm weather and sandy air, whilst I get used to this new place unfamiliar and novel, whilst I try and make a home here, I keep on reminding myself when the Adhaan is called loud and proud and when we see modesty being practiced more often than not, when halal food is served everywhere and theres no excuse to miss prayer with masaajid and prayer rooms everywhere — that this is precisely why we are here. To solidify for my children this idea of being a Muslim. To make them feel confident and alive through the Signs of Allah and through ease of worship. To allow them to freely worship without the anxieties of Islamophobia and the reality of being the minority. To pour into them from our time and energy so they can one day serve and pour from an unbreakable and full cup.
- Response over reactions: I have found myself being more reactive . A mix of second-hand trauma that the world experiences and the stresses of packing up a life to start from scratch in another part of the world have both been contributors. But as a mother of three littles, it is important for me to relearn the art of responding over reacting regardless of how I feel. What helps me usually is to pause and take a break from what I’m feeling and come back to it later. Or if I find myself reacting due to overwhelm, I take a break from the kids in the form of a cup of tea alone in my bedroom for 10 minutes (with baby closeby don’t worry!). Finding a way to help the Palestinian cause in a creative way or through donations and reducing the amount of graphic videos I watch some days, whilst still educating myself through talks, discussions, podcasts and non biased media outlets — all help me in becoming more emotionally attuned and less reactive. Being more aware of this means I am not frozen doing nothing, or the opposite- constantly viewing and sharing, but rather I choose to make more Duaa for example or work on teaching and nurturing my children. Doing those things have a longer term benefit.
There’s more, but my ipad is jamming up and my baby will be up soon for another feed. So I hope these suffice for now.
I pray these tips are useful and if not, I am just so happy to be using this space again.
May Allah have mercy on our oppressed brothers and sisters. May He alleviate their pain and suffering and grant them justice over the oppressors. May Allah allow us to be firmly-rooted parents who raise leaders of the righteous and grant us Tawfique during all seasons of our life, ameen.
