Crossroads #3 — The Letter
Dear Meera,
Addressing this to my Seerum Sinamika before she leaves for her adventure halfway across the globe. The past six months have been amazing. Perhaps the happiest I’ve been in a long time. And I’m writing this for a reason. I know you deserve the vacation, but these two weeks will be hard, and I decided to get it all out by writing. A little old school, but hey, it’s all fair. I don’t get emotional over and give meaning to a lot of things, but on some level, I’m glad I took the road that lead me to you. I’ve been throwing back to all the time we’ve spent together in the last two months, and most importantly, everything that I’ve overcome just by being around you. The feeling of being wanted and being a part of something gives every single human a push, and that’s a feeling I thought I’d never experience again. But thank you for proving me wrong. Looking at myself through your eyes has been helpful. The fact that you were comfortable enough to open up around me made me feel more comfortable with myself. I’ve told you this before. And you, you pointed out that it isn’t the right way to go about accepting myself. That I didn’t need your validation, or anybody’s, to be myself. It took me a while, but made so much sense later. And that set off another stream of emotions. So hear me out.
Imaigalin thaazhvil, udaigalin thalarvil..
I distinctly remember the day we decided to hang out by staying in and watching Netflix and eating cold pizza from the night before. It changed my idea of fun, taught me that alcohol or flashy restaurants or malls don’t always have to be involved. I love the range of emotions that I see as every episode gets cheaper. Be it the loud laughs you let out or the way you yell ‘Bitch!’ when something goes wrong, it’s something I’ve grown to enjoy. These are moments where you’re unabashedly yourself, and most importantly, I love how you go from being Amy to Rosa whenever I accidentally reveal a spoiler. (Chances are I might continue to, my apologies). Sometimes, I just like watching you from a distance. Like the day we decided to chill at the park and predict people’s futures there. I like how you pretend to be annoyed by kids, but bring out your maternal ‘mommy bear’ side every time they come up to you and invite you to play. Every.Single.Time. And I love how protective you are of even the most random strangers(Read: Puppies) out there. I do hate the fact that you’ve bonded well with my dog to the extent that he’s replaced me with you now. Or how you finish your drink and say “Meera wants more beer” and claim ownership over my glass. That’s just Meera being Meera, I guess?
Ennodu pesa mattum, kuyil aagum un kuralil..
But again, there’s a side of Meera that I’ve gotten to know. The side that broke down crying on my shoulder for no reason at all. The “I’m not worth it” side. The “I’m going to overthink and question myself” side. The “Pamper me!” side. The “I’m going to be petty and regret it later” side. The sides that you aren’t comfortable with. The sides that keep you up at night and occupy your mind as you get lost in thought on your bus rides back home. The sides that make you zone out in the middle of conversations and drop ketchup and fries on your favorite white dress(I remember). These are phases that all of us go through, and it’s human to feel this way. But don’t let it define you. I know you probably wouldn’t want this, but try seeing yourself the way I do. I’m not asking you to use it as a benchmark. But just give it thought. You’re strong and bold, and you can outsmart and knock out anyone with one of your kickboxing moves. You’re compassionate enough to walk up to lost strangers on crowded roads and offer them a shoulder, and you prove that you are more than what meets our eyes at first sight. I wish you’d see that. And I wish this helps to at least bring one of your beautiful half smiles out.
Varunda udhatin vari pallangalil, Kadhal thaanadi en meedhunakku.
I’ll be waiting. For you. Your response. Come back soon.
