What I Learned From Working in a Group Home

For approximately a year and a half, I supplemented my writing income with a full-time gig at a high behavioral group home. It was the most impactful job I’ve had. I learned some things about myself and the industry. It impacted my writing.

Patience Can Be Practiced

Before working at a group home, you wouldn’t call me a patient person. I have my father’s temperament when it dealing with people, which isn’t a compliment to either of us.

In my first week of working at a group home, I uncovered a well of patience I could only obtain when backed into a wall (sometimes literally). I learned being patient or impatient can be a tool rather than a reaction. Some situations call for a lack of patience to push a vulnerable adult to complete their program, to stop a behavior from escalating, or to deal with a coworker who is too power hungry.

I Learned to Take a Hit (Literally)

I’ve had chairs thrown at me, my hair pulled, and have been forced into a corner and punched and kicked multiple times.

I dealt with it.

I took the hits, stayed calm, and hoped that it would end sooner rather than later. Rarely did I make an audible note that what they were doing to me was painful. And when it was over, I didn’t get mad; I covered the bruises and moved on with my day. If it was a bad go around, I did take a moment in the office, put my face in my hands, and questioned my life decisions.

They Shouldn’t of Hired Me

I was unqualified to work with a house full of vulnerable adults by myself. I have no degree or interest in psychology or related fields. My qualifications amounted to a recommendation of a friend who had worked at one of the company’s homes for a year.

I probably would have got the job without her recommendation.

The group home industry doesn’t pay. The turnover is high due to lack of training, long hours, and immense responsibility. In a better world, I wouldn’t been given an interview for the job. In a better world, I would of been paid a lot more for the job I did.

It’s Easy to Fall Through the Cracks

I worked with vulnerable adults who most definitely needed to be in a group home setting. I worked with vulnerable adults who didn’t need to be in the setting they were in. But once you fall through the cracks, it is insanely difficult to crawl out.

Some people, mostly teens, just need guidance. There were others who were pretty good on their own but became frustrated by the arbitrary rules they had to follow and the unfairly stacked system. They vented their frustration with disobedience. For this, they were punished.

Once you are called crazy on paper, it is hard to prove that you aren’t, especially if you are screaming it.

Words No Longer Hurt (Most of the Time)

Working in a group home will thicken your skin.

I wouldn’t call myself thin-skinned, there was something unique about being cursed out repeatedly. I tuned it out, and I also learned to take no offense.

I Learned How to Follow and Lead

There is nothing quite like a vulnerable adult running at you with a knife to really put some shit in perspective.

I learned when I should lead, and when I should follow. If I did not regularly deal with a particular vulnerable adult, and there was a behavior involved, I immediately listened to the most experienced person in the room — regardless of what I thought of them outside of work.

I realized it was better to stand in solidarity for the moment rather than “break rank” even if the leader made the wrong call. What is most important in a group home is showing the people in your care that there is a standard everyone adheres to.

When I was expected to lead, I did my best to make confident decisions. As a leader in a stressful situation, communication is paramount. If you are calm, the people who are listening to you will be calm as well. This was especially true for new employees, those thrust into the group home world with no experience.

I Learned When to Shut Up

I am a writer. I am a talker. Silence is often better than talking.

My friend who recommended me for the job was employee of the year. She dealt with the worst of the worst. When she spoke, I listened. Instead of talking to the vulnerable adult, I listened and let them vent. If they had a behavior, I responded with silence.

I was the kid who was encouraged to say whatever what was on his mind. This was a tough one for me to adjust to. It has served me well.

I Will Never Do It Again

I learned a lot in the year that I worked at a group home. A hell of a lot. I am not eager to go back to it. It was stressful and exhausting. There is only so much verbal and physical abuse one should expect to handle.

I don’t regret the experience. I look back on it fondly. It has helped me grow as a person. I truly believe it would be good for other people to experience. It is amazing what caring for someone else can show you about yourself.