Morning Dump: October 7, 2022

Mailing It In Pod
Published in
4 min readOct 6, 2022


Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen Headed for Splitsville

Tom Brady, the football boy, retired a few months ago. He spent about two weeks at home with the family and said: “yeah, no thanks, I gotta get outta here.” So he went back to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and that didn’t exactly sit too well with his wife, supermodel and Brazilian business queen, Gisele Bundchen.

The couple reportedly hired divorce lawyers, a move that’s been in the works for a “weeks” now. Brady’s had quite a bit of face work done, but he’s worth hundreds of millions of dollars so I’m sure he’ll rebound with a nice gal; the kind he can bring home to mother, even. As for Gisele, who gives a shit.

You’ll never be able to convince me this broad wasn’t responsible for Brady leaving New England. I simply won’t hear otherwise. She wanted him in Miami, and when that went south, she was willing to settle for K-Mart Miami (Tampa). Hopefully her next boyfriend is a bag of dogshit.

Literally — that’s not a metaphor.

Some Loon With 42-Foot-Long Fingernails Is Having A Hard Time Using Her Hands

I don’t know, but if I found myself unable to wipe my ass — or, hell, even able to take my pants off so I could paint the bowl — I’d probably cut my god damn finger nails.

This woman’s finger nails are 42 FEET LONG. That’s longer than five Yao Ming’s. Imagine the greatest Chinese basketball player of all time standing atop himself 5 times and still being shorter than a WOMAN’S FINGERNAILS. Just complete batshit insanity.

If I was one of her children, I’d take a chainsaw to those demonic nails in the middle of night and bring in a priest to bless the entire god forsaken house.

Armstrong struggles to zip her pants and jackets and needs a knife to pop open a can of soda.

“I drove a car but had to stick my hand out the window, so I don’t drive anymore,” she said.

As for using the toilet, Armstrong didn’t disclose whether there were any issues at home. However, she admitted that public restrooms present a challenge.

“I need to use the biggest stall,” the grandmother declared. “My nails are usually longer than the regular-sized stalls.”

The nails, the inability to drive a car without scratching someone’s face two lanes over, the fact someone in her house definitely has to wipe her ass — complete clown show.

This woman needs Jesus.

Draymond Green Fought Jordan Poole At Warriors Practice

I’m with Draymond here. Jordan Poole spends 30 minutes a night launching shots from the god damn parking lot and if they go in he acts like he just parallel parked into a compact car spot with a Dodge Durango while blindfolded.

Poole’s extension most likely means Golden State will have some tough financial decisions ahead — such as not extending Mr. Green, for instance. I presume Draymond would very much like to stay in Golden State, what with the team being quite good and such. If Jordan Poole is what prevents Draymond from sticking around, I don’t blame him for tossing a few fisticuffs at Poole’s face. That’s leadership.

At least in Draymond’s mind it is.

U.S. Department of Heath & Human Services Is Spending $290 Million on “Nuclear Emergency” Pills. Cause That’s Normal.

North Korea’s been launching bombs into the Sea of Japan since the dawn of times it seems. So, this isn’t in response to their grudge match against a body of water.

My money would be on the Russians stoking some fear here. The Ukrainians have been handing out iodine tablets in Kiev, and certain areas in Poland got ahead of the curve two weeks ago.

Fun times.

The Russians announced they’d officially annex territories in the eastern region of Ukraine, and with Ukraine’s application to join NATO, there’s been an under-the-radar escalation within the past few days.

While the U.S. hasn’t explicitly announced support for Ukraine’s NATO bid, there’s a growing sense they might become involved on the front lines at some point — whether that’s been the plan all along is another question, entirely.

Regardless, there seems to be a forward march toward something rather disastrous. Hence the purchase of $290 million worth of Nplate.

Nplate is approved to treat blood cell injuries that accompany acute radiation syndrome in adult and pediatric patients (ARS).

ARS, also known as radiation sickness, occurs when a person’s entire body is exposed to a high dose of penetrating radiation, reaching internal organs in a matter of seconds. Symptoms of ARS injuries include impaired blood clotting as a result of low platelet counts, which can lead to uncontrolled and life-threatening bleeding.

To reduce radiation-induced bleeding, Nplate stimulates the body’s production of platelets. The drug can be used to treat adults and children

Certainly an ominous buy, and one that signifies there’s either no feel for what Ole Vladimir has up his sleeve or there’s a growing sense he’s unleashing the big boys in due time.



Mailing It In Pod

I don’t know what to do, I know what not to do.