I once read a short article in a literature regarding a Hmong Womxn’s perspective on her personal experiences of oppression within her own community.
Mai Kao Thao’s story is told in a short section titled Sins of Silence. She states in her last sentence, “If to be a good Hmong woman means to ignore my identity, to swallow my pride so others can abuse me, or to shut my eyes in the face of injustice by turning the other cheek, I do not want to be a good Hmong woman [sic].”
I found this passage massively inspiring and empowering. For starters, Hmong womxn are not represented in textbooks and to finally read a Hmong womxn’s story was eye opening. I was surprised to read a story that hit so close to home and sounded so unimaginably familiar.
Growing up in a Hmoob household that was quite traditional, it created a lot of internal oppression within myself. Internal oppression that has taken years to analyze and comprehend. Although I have come a long way, there is still much to understand, deconstruct, and unlearn. Like, many stories that I’ve heard from my fellow Hmoob sisters, being a Hmoob daughter/womxn is harshly difficult, unfair, unjust, and damaging. The expectations of being a good traditional Hmoob nyab, daughter, and wife are unrealistic and over-demanding.
In my personal experience, I have discovered that as a Hmoob womxn, I, too, do not fit the description of a “good Hmoob Womxn”.
I do not ignore my identity.
I do not swallow my pride so that others can abuse me.
And I do not shut my eyes in the face of injustices.
I do not hold my tongue if someone is spitting hate.
I do not allow cultural traditions/expectations to define my moral values.
I do not sit silently as womxn, who I know and love, are abused or beaten by the men who claim to love them.
I stand with the strength of my mother.
I shout with the roar of thunder.
I rise with the coming of the sun.
And I grow with the power of love.
Especially as a Hmoob activist, I call out my friends and family members for their poor, unjust, and hateful behaviors. Therefore, in the eyes of many community members, I have now become a “bad” Hmoob womxn, because I question and hold our community members accountable for their hateful actions and words. I have become too opinionated, too aggressive, and too demanding for men and so their parents tell them to not date me.
I was born a Hmoob womxn, not to please the men and my community members, but to empower and challenge them to do better. And if that intimidates them, then so be it.
I do not want to be a good Hmoob womxn.
