Dear Father,
You have sacrificed a lot for our family. You have sacrificed a lot for me. You have done many things that you are proud of and many things you are not so proud of, to make sure your children grow up with a roof over their head and food on the table. You worked hard to make sure your children did not grow up in poverty as you did. You were patient with us and gave us the things we wanted. You are a wonderful father. You did all you could for us.
But you also damaged us.
I still remember the day you finally brought home your second wife. It was new year’s day; a cold and dark January night as you walked inside the house after picking her up from the airport.
And she was not going to be your last wife either.
When I was younger, I remember hearing my mother cry and scream at you because you had upset her. I remember thinking that mom was always over-reacting, but I never really knew why. I was too young to understand that you had married someone else from another country and too young to wrap my head around the fact that you had chosen to share your love with other womxn.
It was not until I was in middle school that I started to understand, but by then, you had already sent the funds oversea to marry her.
And the more I learned, the more I resented you.
I could feel my mother’s pain as she became more sad. How could a father who had a heart of gold be so selfish and evil?
Father, you taught me to be humble and kind, to forgive often and be patient, to give always and ask for nothing. But here you were, destroying the love you took so many years to build.
There was nothing I could do to change what you had done. I was just a Hmong daughter. I had no say in your affairs, and even if I did, you would have rejected them all the same.
Father, you taught us what love could have been and what love should not be. My mother has now become cold and hard. She has become numb to pain and suffering as she walks by you without a single word. There are times that her voice would rage at you, but not like how it used to.
You have worked hard father, and I could never repay you for the love you have given to our family, but I will not be able to forgive you for forcing your children to suffer while you use womxn to combat your unhappiness.
I know you can tell that your sweet little daughter no longer looks at you the same way that she used to—nor talks to you with a smile. I know that you can tell that I am disappointed in your actions as a father, but that must not matter very much to you.
But father, I must apprehend you. I now know. I know how not to love someone, how not to ruin my marriage, how not to damage my children.
Love,
Your Hmong Daughter
