Saying Goodbye to Barcelona
A few weeks ago, we left Barcelona, which has been our home for the past 9 years. Living in a foreign country taught me a lot. If you happen to have an opportunity to change your own life in this way, or you’re thinking of doing so in the future, I highly recommend taking the leap and going for it. I’d like to dedicate this month’s blog to some of the things I learned from living in Spain.
Based on what we know of a certain place, we have a mental image of what it is like. The less we know, the stronger and more assured, but also narrower and more limited, this image. It’s similar to the way we sometimes group people in our mind by where they come from or what they look like, and assign traits to the whole group based on our limited knowledge and beliefs.
Think of Paris, for example, and consider what immediately comes to mind. Are you thinking of the Eiffel Tower and other tourist attractions? Or maybe you’re visualizing an experience you had when visiting Paris in the past, when you enjoyed a romantic walk around the picturesque city and had a wonderful dinner at a fancy restaurant accompanied by a bottle of excellent red wine? Maybe you’re hoping to visit the city one day and have your morning coffee with a freshly baked croissant? Most of us don’t think about conditions in the Parisian suburbs, the cost of living, or the way municipal authorities handle waste, for example. Normally, we don’t give much thought at all to the everyday life of the residents or the less touristy parts of the city.
Now think of Kenya. What comes to mind? Exotic animals and a safari, perhaps? Or maybe the hot sun blazing down on an African savannah? Chances are you’re not thinking about the local cuisine, simply because we know very little about it. And how about employment or taxes in Kenya? Or even the different languages they speak?
The world is pretty big, and we can’t possibly know everything about everywhere. That’s natural and normal. However, it’s important that we remember that the mental picture we have of most places (arguably all places) is far from complete. If we keep this in mind, we are less likely to become too attached to our existing image and be more open and willing to learn and welcome new information and ideas.
At first, when you move to a new country, it’s what’s different that strikes you. All those little things that are done differently than what you’re used to. It feels a bit strange at the beginning. In Spain, they eat dinner later than I was accustomed to, around 10pm. Most places of business close around 2pm for 2–3 hours. Grocery shopping is commonly done 3–4 times a week, as people usually buy only what they need for the next day or two. These are just a few examples. When you move to a new country, it’s those little things that are new and different that you notice first. Allow yourself to try out new ways of doing everyday things, and take the ones you like with you on your journey. My husband and I never got used to working at the slow pace that is common in Spain, but we learned to slow down when we weren’t working, and to allow ourselves much needed breaks when we were. I will be forever grateful for learning that from the Spanish.
When the time comes to learn the local language, my one piece of advice would be to do the opposite of what I did. When I was learning Spanish, I was so worried I’d make a mistake in grammar or pronunciation that I often avoided speaking at all until I was sure I would get it right. My husband, on the other hand (being the better half as usual), took a much more effective approach: he simply talked, improving his Spanish at a fantastic pace. It took me quite a long time to gather the courage to do the same, but as soon as I started speaking, I began to notice significant improvement. Speak, and you will improve. You’re also likely to discover that no one is judging you. On the contrary, the locals were kind and patient, and even appreciative of the fact that we were making a real effort to learn their language. Invite friendly neighbors to correct you, and you’ll improve even faster.
Ask for help when you need it, and you’ll find that people are usually happy to lend a hand. And most importantly, give yourself permission to make mistakes. It’s only when I allowed myself to get it wrong that I started getting it right.
As time passes, you start feeling more comfortable in your new environment. You are now familiar with the day-to-day way of doing things, and are feeling more confident. You begin to blend in, and it feels great! Now, you look at all those tourists and identify yourself more as a resident than a visitor. This is precisely the time to remind yourself not to get too cocky. You are still guests in your new country. Be respectful and polite, and people will be welcoming and friendly.
When it comes to politics, my rule of thumb is not to talk, only listen. People tend to have strong opinions and beliefs, and as new residents, we often don’t know enough to give a reasoned opinion, even if we think we do. It’s better to avoid some issues altogether. Spain, for example, experienced a terrible civil war from July 1936 to April 1939, and it is still a sensitive topic for many of the locals. Indeed, political opinions are often rooted in the past. Listen to different opinions, and remind yourself to stay humble and respectful. You will learn a lot if you just listen. The world will still go on even if you don’t weigh in on every discussion.
With that said, you are of course entitled to your own opinion, and you don’t always need to agree with everything that is taking place in your new home. Even given its history and celebrated tradition over the centuries, and after doing some research, I personally object to bull fighting, for example. I detest the practice and hope to see it disappear forever, and not just from certain parts of Spain. Still, when it comes to most sensitive political issues in Spain, like independence for Cataluña, for instance, I usually abided by my own rule and chose to listen rather than offer an opinion. While politics and other controversial issues vary from one country to another, the principle remains the same. Simply put, being respectful and kind is universal.
Use your time in a foreign country to see and absorb as much as you can. Take the opportunity to visit other parts of the country, and don’t be afraid to discover the less touristy wonders it has to offer. When it comes to culture, dress, and traditions, as well as to the local food, art, and personal stories, if you say “yes, please” rather than “no, thank you” you’ll end up gaining a lot from the experience. Allow yourself to grow and your view to expand. You will still be you, just a more well-rounded version of yourself.
Most of all, if you are presented with the opportunity to live far away for a while and decide to take it, let yourself fully enjoy the unexpected gifts hidden in your new environment and just waiting for you to discover, embrace, and take with you on your journey. For me, learning to slow down was such a gift. Another was discovering the work of the architect Antoni Gaudí. I travelled across the country to see more of his work, and I will continue to read about it and be inspired by it for years to come. And there were many other gifts as well. Living in Spain gave us a chance to travel to other places in Europe, for example. I will leave the stories of these adventures for another time.
I am grateful for the nine years we lived in Barcelona and travelled to other parts of Spain. I am thankful for the insights, the experiences, the friendships, and for everything I learned.
Thank you for reading this. I wish all of us many wonderful adventures.
