I’m Pretty Sure Acrylic Nails Were Created To Prevent Women From Masturbating
Hear me out…I’ve tried and tested this theory
You know it, I know it, we all know it — men are always trying to control our bodies. Well this time they’re doing it through our nails.
Hear me out, this may be a satirical piece, but there has to be some truth to this.
I recently got into the acrylic game, and let me tell you — these bad boys are a hoot. They look incredible — but hurt like hell. It’s nearly impossible to function on a day to day and eating with your hands is a big no no (try telling an East Indian not to eat with their hands). Oh yeah and masturbating? Out of the question.
Technically it’s impossible. These things are long and painful just on my fingers, I can’t even imagine what they’d feel like…in…there.
My dog runs away from me every time I get near his penis — even he knows, they’re weapons in and of themselves.
They were first created by a dentist, Fred Slack, who “broke his fingernail.”
Okay, he probably did. But even you know once they got a hold of his invention, it was immediately developed into this masturbation shock collar.
Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘why don’t you just hop on over to your local sex store…
