Behind the scenes of the perfectionist mother
Living with teens and tweens can be somewhat exhilarating, eventful and even mindboggling but above all requires a truck load of patience. Hands up, I’ll take the wrap, I am guilty of allowing devices to get in the way of conversation. I am a perfectionist and often what I visualise as the perfect mother bears no similarities to me at all.
What does a perfectionist mother really look like anyway?
When I look back over their childhood, I suddenly realise that these years are flying by far too quickly. It’s time to live in the moment, put down the devices and deal with the perfectionist in me. It’s time to start being imperfect and reconnect with my teen and tween. This is exactly how our new Thursday evening mantra came about…Anything Can Happen Thursday!
It may not be the shortest name but it pretty much sums up what its all about. It also means that it doesn’t have to be perfect as anything can, and should, happen. There is no right or wrong. After all lets not be perfectionists here!
The idea is a simple one, borne from a love of creating and a need to entice the children away from the solitude of the xbox / tv / tablet device. The seed planted one evening, strangely enough over a bowl of popcorn. We choose one activity for us all to do together on a Thursday night and take it in turns to come up with said activity.
So, let the mess and wonderful creations begin. The plan is to have fun, enjoy each other’s company and cherish the imperfections that arise when learning something new. Now this brings up major issues for me, I am a perfectionist through and through (have I mentioned this already?). Whilst this can provide positive outcomes in some aspects of my life, in others it is a downright nuisance. My perfectionism doesn’t manifest itself with OCD, for some it does but for me, thankfully, this is not a battle I have to deal with.
I’m indecisive because I see eight sides to everything (April Kepner, Grey’s Anatomy)
I find it difficult to embrace imperfections. If you’re going to do something, then let’s do it right first time. If it can’t be done right first time then I will procrastinate and put off the task so much so that sometimes it just doesn’t get done at all. It’s an all or nothing approach with me. I’ll often spend an eternity getting it right on paper but, what often is the case is, the best learning occurs along the way.
Sometimes the learning process is more important than the end result. What happens with me however is that if something goes wrong I deem this as a failure, rather than an area with room for improvement. This is my battle!
Armed with being a perfectionist let’s now throw into the mixture a couple of children, a craft project and the mantra Anything Can Happen; suddenly I’m feeling slightly queasy. However, the children have stepped away from their devices (without any threat of the electricity supply being cut off) and they are keenly waiting to take on this challenge. I am too, just let me first manifest how I want it all to go.
Let us begin. I’d brought some blackboard heart labels, along with some paper cups and the children wrote down what they were to plant in each pot. The attention to detail is impeccable. So far so good. Perfect one might say. Me and my nerves are coping just fine and the children are displaying some magnificent creative talent.
Embracing the selection of seeds, they choose to plant basil, lavender, rosemary, sunflower, tomato, cress and cornflower. With the exception of the last two in the list, these are all ingredients that I love to incorporate into my skin care products. Lavender is such a wonderful all-rounder, the perfect essential oil for any budding aromatherapist to begin with. Just remember not to apply essential oils neat to your skin, always dilute with a carrier oil such as sunflower oil.
Needless to say, I simply cannot wait for the lavender to grow and we can bear the fruits of our labour (when I say our I do really mean their’s). My days of working in the gardening industry will hopefully pay off as I oversee this part in the watering process.
Dealing with a tornedo and unstructured planting
And then the carnage happens. Soil is everywhere including the carpet (oh how I laughed…I actually really did!) It was as if a tornado had hit the table. But it doesn’t matter because anything can happen right? Instead we realise how difficult it is to write neatly with chalk and we discuss the multitude of ways it is possible to say the word Basil — who’d have thought there was more than one way! I say basil, you say….baysil?!?
I think that each pot has been filled with more seeds than your average gardener would have used. The haphazard method of planting may not be the most productive way to plant but what I can ensure to you is, that each and every one of those seeds was planted with a little bit of Thursday love. The perfectionist’s nerves are still holding up.
How did I deal with being a perfectionist?
I stood behind the lens and took pictures, such a fantastic distraction for me. The children were freely left to create carnage, chaos and memories and I got to capture it without feeling the urge to step in and do it for them. I would have wanted to bring about organisation and structure to their planting methods without a speck of soil being spilt in the process. Their way was so much better though.
What did I learn? I learnt that soil on the carpet for 30 minutes causes no damage to either myself or to the carpet. I learnt that apparently there is a YouTuber that I simply must follow. I also learnt that despite the differences in our methods, we got to the same end result. Their method was a pleasure to watch and good fun.
With this being our first week, there is a certain amount of excitement and momentum that comes with any new project. I truly hope that this feeling doesn’t dwindle over time and the busyness of life doesn’t get in the way. Sometimes you forget the simple pleasures in life because there is always something more important to be done first.
As for next week, where anything really can happen, who knows. We could be making chocolate cake, creating something for their bedrooms, or we may even just go for a bike ride. I may still need to learn how to be the imperfect mother and let them create, whilst I record the moments hiding behind the distraction of the camera.
Whatever happens, my primary aim is to connect with my teen and tween and for us all to learn something new. But, I think that this may also be about my journey in overcoming perfectionism and to happily being the imperfect mother.
Originally published at www.hipsleygreenaromatherapy.co.uk on May 11, 2017.
