Do not go gently into the night
Does age define self-expression?
“Do not go gentle into that good night.” Dylan Thomas words remind me that life is short. His poem encourages me to “rage against the dying of the light”, to not grow old passively and to take as much as life has to offer for as long as possible. I’ve thought a lot about this recently. After a while, you reflect on your mortality more than you did when you were younger. I’m not old or elderly, per se, just in my middle age and I’m feeling the speed of time passing and the loss of youth more acutely than ever.
This loss of youth affects women more than men. I think it does anyway. When women approach middle age, there seems to be this unspoken expectation around “ageing gracefully”. I think that’s code for not drawing attention to yourself anymore. And there are rules, particularly around appearance. Rules like: Cut your hair. Older women shouldn’t have long hair, apparently. Dress appropriately for your age. Whatever appropriate means. Wear sensible shoes. Do gentle exercises, because you’re now a fragile person susceptible to breakage. Maybe the traditional roles of daughter, wife, mother, grandmother sit more comfortably for some.
I feel myself straining against these unwritten rules and subtle expectations more lately, while asking myself “am I too old to be doing this?” Will I look foolish? Fortunately, despite the many messages, subtle and not so subtle, around youth and ageing, I am seeing many women like me. Women who are exploring their creativity, starting creative businesses, starting businesses in general and changing their lives. It would be easier not to grow, growing and learning about yourself is uncomfortable.
Making life changing decisions is excruciating. But I make them, we all make them because from these changes come growth. Putting myself out there with new projects and new ideas, especially when older, makes me feel vulnerable and always so tempted to slip back into the conforming expectations of being a little bit safe and invisible. No one likes the thought of failure or the feeling of silliness that comes with not succeeding.
I think, more and more, women who have raised families and worked hard are now looking for lives and projects that they feel are fulfilling for themselves alone. I’ve always been a creative person, although the creative arts never presented to me as a legitimate full-time activity, always a hobby. Art was my best subject at school. Instead of leveraging what I was best at, I pursued a “sensible” career in science and business. Half way through this path, I rediscovered colour, design, art, photography and writing. I’ve incorporated these pursuits in my life ever since.
I see many people like me who’s creativity blossoms again in middle age. I celebrate it. Like others, I want to try new things. I want to contribute. I want to help make the world a better place. I want to be adventurous. I want to learn. I don’t want to be limited by what society defines as a normal behaviour or worse, appropriate. I don’t have any regrets. We make the choices that define the people we are today. But I will do my best not to go gently into the night.
Do you think age is a barrier to creativity or self-expression?
I’m Suellen. I’m an avid traveller, sailor and explorer of lifestyles. I blog at www.travelsailexplore.com about sailing, travel and personal life experiments. If you’ve enjoyed this, please follow me at www.travelsailexplore.com or follow me on Instagram @travelsailexplore.
