I got lost. Fallen and buried for years, and now I got up. I shook the dust off my body.
In this end of year coming the beginning of another, I burned my old soul, now I’m like a fenix, or a zombie (Not in the sense of “alienated”). Wanting to be ready to live.
“I cannot come to you
from these tumbled
blocks and love you,
I cannot offer you soft words,
my language
has been forsaken,
I am just these ruins
useless and forgotten.
But perhaps if you
tenderly excavate
my heart from these
decaying remains
I will rise
and
fall again.”
(Anna Now on “https://medium.com/annapoetics/and-fall-again-5aa6cad1fc93#.o01vsplwh”)
Years and years had passed, now I want all I lost, I’m young, I’m romantic, I’m a hurrycane, I’m a lover. I’m the one who wants love and sex, and I want be important as soon as possible.
If you ask me why I want it, I’ll say “Because when I was young I said ‘no’ to me all the time, and now I say ‘your risk, boy, go ahead’, undestand?”. Live a life where I couldn’t do what I most want was terrible, and someday, somehow, I realized that not let me be myself was a mount of bull, so I woke the “fuck up” and since then I conquer my freedom.
Be free ins’t about do what you want exactly, it’s about think of what you want to do, analyze the pros and cons, and in the end you decide if it is worthy or not, if it add (like most of the things do) or not some knowledge in your life. And that’s where I enter with my new way of life. I’m free, I learned it with time, and faults, and conquers, and stuff (pardon I want to use it someday hehe).
It doesn’t mean that I’m not insecure, that I don’t catch me sad sometimes, that I don’t make mistakes or win what I want. Free from my mind chains I learned to be resilient, and that’s make me keep my way. This year was terrible for everyone, even the ones who think only in theirselves say it. That’s why I’m in need to write text’s like this.
“That’s all folks”, now you read and knew my way to see things (cause I want to share this for you ^u^), you should, if you want, pratice this. Step by step. In your time, your rythm, failling and doin’ right, it takes time. YOU GO!
