how to switch off a wired brain

Writing from Urapukapuka island — a small little island off Russell, 4 hours north of Auckland. It’s been really hard for me to switch off lately. My brain consumed with the business every single morning and every single night. How to resolve this, how to change things, what needs to be done. It’s been so bad lately that I didn’t even want to come on this trip even though we’d booked this over 6 months ago — crazy to think that’s the way I feel when this is literally my view as I type right now.

I know it seems wildly ungrateful. At times the stress of running a business means even when you take time off that you know you deserve, you feel guilty. Because in your head, you know there’s so much more work to be done at home. And that is why you will see so many people who run businesses or who work in hospo (or like me, who run a hospo business 🤣) are notorious for binge drinking or snorting god knows what up their snozz because it’s their only escape — from the stress, from the business…from themselves. It’s a sickness.

But I am commited to living a healthy life of balance. It doesn’t have to be this way. Where I can’t even sit here in front of this beautiful body of water & switch off for a second.

It’s a negative feedback loop with diminishing returns.

I didn’t even realise I was falling back into this feedback loop until I reflected about it on this island. I told my partner Sean about it & said “Humans have to turn off in order to turn back on. It’s like the equipment at work. It’s not good for the equipment to stay on all day, even if they’re just sitting on idle or standby. They need to completely turn off to function best”

Sean who works in IT then replied, “Yeah it’s like the classic IT thing ‘Have you turned it off and on’ Which solves most problems” hahaha so true.

I looked back on my diary exactly a year ago from now.

Work is hard right now. It’s one of those weeks where I absolutely hate being a boss. But you can’t just pick & choose when you want to be one & when you don’t. You have to take the good with the bad. Just lately it’s starting to weigh real heavy on me. Sigh. It ain’t easy. Only my perseverance & grit will see me through. It’s going to be okay.

— February 2023 written by an Emo De 😅

But another year has passed since then. And you made it through didn’t you? Everything wasn’t always perfect, but you made it. And there has been significant change & improvements to the business in the past year. All whilst undergoing a complete rebrand of the company & touring the length of New Zealand living off a milk & cookie bus from Invercargill & back to Auckland for months on end.

And whoever is reading this, whatever you’re going through, you’ll get through it too. Everything in life is temporary. So for the sunny days, relish it while it lasts. And through the storms, remember they too shall pass. And then we all just die so lets all friggen enjoy life okay 😂

Anyway, I am learning (slowly). And therein lies the key 🔑

Slowly. Learning to take life slow. Rushing & putting so much pressure on yourself is never going to work out for you. Good things take time.

Why do humans rush…? For me, I know deep down it comes from a good place…that if I can do better than others can do better too. For example, if the business does well then the staff can rise up with it & have better pay across the board or that I can support my family more. But even though thoughts like that might come from a good place, they can be debilitating.

I was trying to unpack this with Hayden, an old coach of mine. Hayden said to me “Don’t you think that’s a bit egotistical though? The belief that people’s happiness relies on you & the business doing well? Everything is within their control / their choice & if they were really unhappy, then they can always leave if they want to. People’s happiness does not depend on you.”

I laughed. Because he was so right. We all have agency over our own lives.

Yes maybe it’s nice you want to be better to improve the lives of other people. But I can assure you, it’s not going to speed things up. In fact, all it’s gonna do is put unnecessary stress & pressure on you to perform — and life will start to get real heavy, real fast.

I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again, life is to be enjoyed not endured.

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” — Lao Tzu

All you can do everyday is your best.

And then we just simply need to trust…trust that everything will happen in the right time 😌