How to deal with Facebook updates when you have infertility?
“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars”. Gary Allan
Facebook is a minefield for anyone with infertility. Open your “home” and you may find so much you don’t want to see. That person you met 10 years ago in a debating competition? They just had a second baby and 300 likes?
Personally, Facebook was a huge trigger for jealousy and sadness, so what I wrote on how to deal with these feelings really applies. I am already jealous when I see two women I have never met followed by four children, so of course I am going to be jealous of my baby-holding, fat-bellied friends on Facebook. At the same time, I couldn’t decide to come off it entirely. Especially because in Nairobi, so much of one’s social life is organized through the social network.
To survive, I’d recommend doing the following:
· As soon as an acquaintance posts a photo of a belly or a baby, “unfollow” them. This can be done by a right click, and they won’t be notified. You’ll remain friends, but just never see there updates. I always apply this rules except for my very closest friends. It’s the safest strategy: as soon as one of those belly / baby pictures gets posted, my experience tells me many will follow, and I don’t want to be sad each time. My Facebook feed as a result is pretty child-free.
· Turn off all pregnancy and baby adds. I keep on receiving these adds because Facebook knows that I’ve been married a couple of years, that I am 30, etc. But there is an option in the Facebook settings to specify that you don’t want to receive any family-oriented adds. When they still show up, I right click and select “Don’t show me this type of content”
· Remember that our Facebook lives are not our real lives. Sure, it’s a real baby, but you don’t know what else may be happening in that person’s life
· Apply your own rules to yourself. I now regret posting 200+ pictures of my wedding 4 years ago, because I could see how this would be obnoxious to my single friends
· If you feel like it, share your infertility story on Facebook. Some people have tried it and say they actually get a lot of support messages. It can help to be that open — in time, it will make more people sensitive to the fact that posting their baby’s ultrasound pictures on Facebook can create sadness. I didn’t do that for most of my infertility journey, but I do have a few friends of friends who I know also have infertility issues with whom I am in contact through Facebook.
