Why does the word “infertility” suck?

“Words are events, they do things, change things. They transform both speaker and hearer; they feed energy back and forth and amplify it. […] They feed understanding or emotion back and forth and amplify it.” Ursula K. Le Guin

fer·til·i·ty
fərˈtilədē/
noun
1. the quality of being fertile; productiveness.
“improve the soil fertility by adding compost”

2· the ability to conceive children or young.
“anxiety and stress affect fertility in both men and women

One thing I hate particularly about infertility? The word itself. Infertility sounds bad — something being called “fertile” is the ultimate way of saying it is good, produces fruit, creative etc. Being labeled as “infertile” to me seems terrible, synonymous of something that is worthy of being thrown down the toilet. Even if by its scientific definition (more than 1 year of unprotected sex without conceiving) being “infertile” happens to a lot of people. About 1/6 of couples face infertility around the world. So why can’t we find a better word than “infertility”, given the ugly connotations of this word?

One other big issue I see in the infertility lexicon is that you “are” infertile (or “sterile” which is even worse, as it makes me think of a morose hospital room). For all other diseases, we use the verb “have”: I have a cancer, a heart condition etc. No one would expect you to say “I am cancerous”. Yet for infertility, it seems like we see this as a fundamental attribute of the person, rather than a medical condition, which could be cured.

Another word which hurts? “Family”. When we got married, Rich and I wanted to become a family. But does a family start when you have your first kid? A quick google search seems to think that to be a family, you need kids, and preferably, two of them:

Google search for the world “family”: two + kids or you’re not one

When I mention to strangers that I live in Kenya, a lot of people ask me if I am “there with my family”. And it hurts. I sometimes wonder: if Rich and I got a dog, could we more legitimately call ourselves a “family”? It definitely reinforces the appeal of the idea.