Man, a Woman cannot be your best friend.

Man, a Woman cannot be your best friend.

From the Desk of Zen Wayne:
To a man, a woman is not and can not be a best friend. These illusions exist as you know, but the relationship between a man and woman in a so-called “best friends” relationship is not mutual. When a man calls another woman his best friend, more of the time it means he is emotionally catering to her and allowing her to be the leader; he is an ox tied to her emotional plow. He’s being used by her, a male counter-part to the woman who is getting used by a man who’s just using her for fuck-sex or something close to it. Gentlemen, (and I won’t call you bitches at this point, but come on now), this is an imbalance in a male to female relationship. If this is you, you’re gettin’ it wrong, and it’s time you change. It takes courage and humility to change and fortunate for you, your heart was designed with these built-in characteristics.
There will be at least 3 types of critics to what I’m saying here: 1. those women in fear and self-ignorance/loathing, 2. men who are the bitches of a woman (sorry, I did call you that after all because some of you still weren’t listening), and 3. anyone else who doesn’t really think meaningfully about much but is trying to appease somebody else.
It must be pointed out that there are certainly times when you do give in to a woman. The times when it’s easy- when it’s beauty. And you feel that beauty strike your heart, and this beauty, it makes its way inside your heart for a while and you can fill it moving and growing there. Maybe a kind of miracle similar to what a woman feels with a baby growing inside her. Maybe a lot like how God is said to sometimes move in and around us. Something like that.

Realize that this moving beauty I’m talking about- this isn’t BFF stuff- so let’s not kid ourselves. We’re now moving into the domain of romance. So if you’re feeling this territory with your so-called woman friend, and you’re not already docking your vessel in another woman’s harbor, then go forward with it, captain.

Just don’t let her fuck you down. Odysseus had it right when he had his crewmen bind him to the mast so he could enjoy, nay, have his heart nearly explode by the incontrollable beauty transmitting from the Sirens… Odysseus tied in knots so that he wouldn’t perish by them. It’s okay to kick and wail, men, even to the point of delirium, just prepare yourself so you don’t crash yourself and the ones around you into the rocks. In other words, don’t fucking kill yourself because of the powerful feminine beauty.
But yes, enjoy that beauty when and however you can, cause you never know how long it will last and when it may end.
Because it does, at various times, end. Abruptly.
And she’ll want something, of course.
You know, in return for her giving you her beauty.
And to be honest, I’m still figuring that out. But there are a few things to know. Namely, never stop being a man. You don’t need to know it all, but you still get to be a man. No matter what! And being a man means preparation. It’s preparing in order to use your God-given skills, and it’s the act of moving forward, exploring, finding new things, and of growing. This growing is what makes men human (women have their own “–ing,” although it’s really more of a “-ness”). This growing nature of men- it’s designed into the central, biological making of men- our penis. To perform it’s most exciting and needful purpose, our dicks must grow. So it is with the essence of a man- to perform our design and purpose of a man, we must grow.

(To any hecklers of this last metaphorical point- you fvkers know I’m right. Now pay attention.)

And that’s probably, now that I think about it, the best that you can give a woman who’s giving you her beauty. You give her your strength. Not that man doesn’t have something like beauty- call it craftsmanship or design or what have you. Man’s beauty is his strength, and a woman’s strength is her beauty. And this means you give her your good self, your right self, your true self of being a man. It’s the best thing you can give any woman, regardless of who she is- your mother, your sister, your neighbor, your colleague, even your boss (if you’re in the peculiar predicament of having a woman boss- more on that later, too, friends, because there’s a whole different leadership model that’s needed when a woman is in charge of men, in order to bring balance).
So after some delicious panky in the bedroom (or the living room couch, the one with arms at just the right height), when she asks you for the new car that you know will put you in debt, the best response you can give her is not the car, but your strength- strength to say no. Critical tip: when you’re saying no, or however you’re wording it, take care to have your arms around her- metaphorically speaking (and physically too if you can get away with it at that point). She may not like it at first, but a woman’s heart is deep and wide, and she will later respect you more for it, because she is, after all, getting what she NEEDS from you- strength. It’s said that women live by the strength of men. This is worth exploring. And it can be added that men move by the beauty of women. So be strong, men. You can handle a bit of gripe.
Just remember to be kind to her, got it? And for the love of God, don’t call her your best friend. Either she is your woman, or she is not.