How Resilient Are You Really?
Resilience is a load of balls. I’m talking squeeze balls and bowling balls.
You’re offered a supplement that makes you 45% more enthusiastic, 32% more confident and 44% more satisfied with your lot. Side effects? You’ll be 39% more energised and 27% more focused. Would you take it? I’m stocking up. This supplement is resilience, and Aon’s Rising Resilient study found more resilient individuals to perform substantially better than average, as per all of the above stats. This makes resilience much more effective than coffee ☕. Read on to fill your cup with resilience instead…
Wait, what is “resilience”?
You receive feedback from your manager that you should be more resilient. A million versions of the truth enter your mind: “Toughen up. Take on more responsibility. Have more conviction. Project more confidence. Embrace challenges. Step out of your comfort zone.” Upon reflection, it’s not so clear how resilience shows up in the world, let alone how we show it ourselves.
The dictionary offers two very different definitions for resilience:
- Toughness. The capacity to withstand difficulties.
- Elasticity. The ability to spring back into shape.
Let’s think of definition number one as a bowling ball, withstanding every skittle in its path by being tough. Definition number two can be thought of as a squeeze ball, springing back into shape no matter how hard we smoosh it. When we think of resilience, we typically think of number one — the tough bowling ball. But in today’s workplace, might a squeeze ball get us further? This article will explore how you can cultivate both kinds of resilience and use them to your advantage in different situations.
Few people recognise that resilience comes in different shapes and sizes. Aon’s study suggests that resilience can be distilled to three core components: a resilient individual has a high “sense of security”, a strong “sense of belonging” and the “ability to reach their potential”.
These definitions level the playing field somewhat: it’s as much the responsibility of the company to foster a sense of security and a sense of belonging in its employees as it is the individual. They also remind us that there are multiple ways to arrive at these states of security, belonging and full potential: where a bowling ball bowls down any challenge in its path to reach its full potential, a squeeze ball will smoosh into extraordinary shapes to achieve its goals. Both will get there in the end, but in very different ways.
The squeeze ball stigma
Let’s address the elephant in the room. It’s the poor old squeeze ball. Our society doesn’t cut squeeze balls much slack — we’re taught to stand firm, hang tough and not to contort ourselves into impossible shapes to please other people. But increasingly, there are merits to being flexible and adaptable: in a 2020 Harvard Business School survey, 71% of 1,500 executives from over 90 countries named adaptability as the most important quality they looked for in a leader.
The admirable squeeze ball is no pushover, remember. It always comes back to its original shape, but its super power is an ability to flex to others’ needs for a moment, to put itself in their shoes rather than standing firm and aloof.
How and when to be a squeeze ball
In squeeze ball mode, people:
- Listen to others’ perspectives
- Seek to walk a mile in another person’s shoes
- Show humility
- Embrace and implement others ideas
- Appear approachable
- Show they care about others
- Go above and beyond for others
Reading the above list, 2 things will no doubt be clear to you:
- You self-identify as “more squeeze ball” or “more bowling ball”
- You recognise that continuously being a squeeze ball is a recipe for burnout 🚒
We need to learn to embody both types of resilience to survive in today’s world. Squeeze ball resilience is ultimately about bouncing back ready to adapt and embrace challenges, bowling ball resilience is about protecting yourself.
As explained by Jacqueline Brassey, chief scientist at McKinsey & Company’s People & Organisational Performance Practice, “resilience is about bouncing back” and it opens you up to adaptability, which is “bouncing forwards”.
Squeeze ball moments look like:
- understanding a tricky situation from multiple perspectives before making a decision
- going above and beyond only where you can tangibly increase the impact you make
- being available for your team on a regular basis
- listening to the ideas of everyone else in the room before positing your own
What about the bowling ball?
Though much less adaptable than the squeeze ball, there are many moments where the bowling ball approach is a must, but identifying the right moment to bowl is key. Overuse of the squeeze ball and you get squished. Overuse of the bowling ball and others take the hit.
In bowling ball mode, people:
- Set personal boundaries
- Say no when it doesn’t serve them or the company
- Are laser-focused
- Stay in their lane, uninvolved in other people’s business
- Hold firm on their position
- Maintain momentum, whatever’s in their way
- Appear unapproachable
Oof, the bowling ball is a tough cookie! Used wisely, it will help you accomplish more and protect yourself in the process. You’ll see many of these familiar traits in top leaders and founders and that’s no coincidence. A measure of “bowling ball” is needed to get things done, especially as opinions and stakeholders multiply.
Bowling ball moments look like:
- Saying no when your plate is full
- Resisting temptation to involve yourself in matters that don’t concern you
- Maintaining distance when you don’t have the emotional bandwidth to offer support
- Realising the vision you believe as a founder or leader
- Setting high expectations of what ‘good’ looks like
How do I juggle both balls?
The balance between squeeze ball and bowling ball will change depending on three key factors:
- Your personality
- Your role
- Your environment
Your personality
As mentioned earlier, we all find ourselves more in one camp than the other. That means we likely only need to focus on the ball we least identify with, the other will come naturally.
For caring, approachable squeeze balls: when are the moments in the last month you could have been more bowling ball? What problems exist in your day-to-day because people take advantage of your flexibility? Perhaps it’s time to iron these out by employing some bowling ball techniques.
For firm, unstoppable bowling balls: when are the moments in the last month where it cost you, and you needed to be a bit more flexible? What relationships could be stronger if you addressed their needs more readily? Switching to squeeze ball mode is a sign of strength and smarts, not a weakness.
Your role
Junior bowling balls, beware. If you’ve just started out in the world of work and you’re knocking skittles flying left-right-and-centre, you will fail to build the relationships you need to succeed. Going above and beyond and being flexible, adapting to what others in the organisation need — these are all critical at this stage in your career.
As for new leaders and managers, the bowling ball is your best friend. Chances are you’ve had years of experience in squeeze ball mode and you now need to learn when to bowl. Hold firm, protect your personal boundaries and increase your emotional distance to avoid overwhelm.
For experienced leaders and managers, experimenting to find your balance is largely dependent on the other two factors: what type of a leader do you want to be? What type of a leader thrives in your environment?
Your environment
Company culture significantly affects the impact of a bowling ball or squeeze ball behaviour. In organisations that embrace conflict, regular direct feedback and have high-pressure deadlines, bowling ball behaviours are more common. This does not discount clever use of the squeeze ball to cut through the noise. In a world where everyone shouts, shouting louder is rarely effective, but listening might be.
In cultures that encourage approachability, adaptability and kindness, overuse of the bowling ball will get you sent to the naughty corner. But on occasion, it may be what’s needed in order to ensure the task gets done. That said, squeeze ball tendencies will be invaluable when it comes to forming connections and relationships in these types of organisations.
In a Nutshell
Resilience is a key skill we all need to thrive both at home and at work. It’s a power tool that can make us more energised, confident, focused and satisfied. In this article we’ve seen two opposing ways to model resilience: the squeeze ball and the bowling ball. The squeeze ball plays on flexibility and adaptability, whereas the bowling ball firmly holds its ground.
Whilst we all over-index in one or the other, it’s not a question of “which type of resilient am I?”, it’s imperative we all learn to utilise both techniques at appropriate moments. Reading when to be more bowling ball or more squeeze bowl is challenging and largely rests on a number of factors: your personality, your role and your environment.
Getting it right takes practice, but hang in there and you’ll bounce back and bowl a strike.
