How to Fail at Giving Feedback
Lessons where I’ve failed to give feedback well.
As a manager who likes to give feedback, I’ve made tonnes of mistakes.
Providing constructive feedback is hard but it’s a crucial aspect of effective leadership and team development.
Well-intentioned managers and leaders make mistakes that can undermine the intended purpose of feedback. I’ve made a tonne of mistakes in giving feedback over my years in management. I still make mistakes today!
But if there’s one thing that I can do as a manager to help my people improve, it’s give good feedback. A relationship of giving and receiving great feedback fosters a culture of growth and improvement within your team.
In this blog, I’ll share some of the mistakes I’ve made and continue to make when giving feedback and offer insights on how to avoid them.
Let’s dig in.
Failure 1 — Giving feedback over Slack
I do this, all the time, and I shouldn’t. I get lazy, I want to give timely feedback, so I send a quick message.
“Hey, some quick feedback, that presentation you just did, you did a lot of the talking. Next time it might be good to get your team-mates to chip in”
Send.
The problem is, unless you’ve got an incredibly strong relationship founded on trust, this rarely goes well. Responses I’ve had doing this include ‘Ok’, or the worst is no response at all.
Has the feedback been taken badly?
Do they agree with the feedback?
Do they accept and agree with it?
Have they even read it?
I’ll never know, because I was too lazy to give the feedback in person.
Solution? Schedule a face-to-face call
Timely feedback is important, but it doesn’t have to be instantaneous. Next time you have some feedback for someone, write it up, and schedule time to have a detailed, honest, face-to-face conversation.
Timing and environment play a crucial role in how feedback is received. Schedule one-on-one meetings to discuss feedback privately, allowing your team members to absorb and respond to it more effectively.
It might be harder and more time-consuming, but your people will appreciate the effort and the result will be 10x better.
Failure 2 — Giving feedback that someone is not ready to hear
Sometimes, your people are not ready to accept the feedback you want to give. Receiving critical feedback can be really hard, it can dent your confidence, and harm your self-belief.
I’ve failed at this, and given feedback people are not ready to hear and the trust is not there. The result is defensiveness, justification, anger, and upset. It doesn’t go well.
Solution? Ask for permission
“Hey, I’d like to give you some feedback on that presentation you did. Would you like to hear?”
It’s a simple act, but asking for permission will give you clear signs of whether the person is ready to hear and accept the feedback. If they don’t respond, or they say they’re not ready, respect that and move on.
If someone is not ready to hear feedback, then it’s a sign there is a lack of trust, so get to work on building that trust.
Failure 3 — Giving feedback in public
One of the most damaging mistakes we can make is giving feedback in front of others. Whether it’s during a team meeting or in a public forum. Public feedback can lead to embarrassment and resentment among team members.
I’ve failed at this numerous times, making critical comments during a meeting. You know instantly when you shouldn’t have done it.
Sometimes it means biting your tongue, and being patient, but it’s always for the best.
Solution? Give feedback in private
Instead of offering public feedback, prioritise private discussions to ensure confidentiality and maintain a respectful environment.
Praise Publicly, Criticise Privately
Praise publicly and highlight positives regularly and often. This will show your people you’re only noticing the critique, but the good stuff too. This also means that when it comes to critique your people will have faith you won’t embarrass them in a public setting, but instead bring up improvements with you in a private setting.
Failure 4 — Neglecting the positives
I fail at this all the time. It feels sometimes that I’m being overly critical of people and always picking apart what they do. I drive a high standard in my people and sometimes it feels like nothing is ever good enough.
Constructive feedback doesn’t mean solely highlighting areas for improvement. Neglecting to acknowledge and appreciate a team member’s strengths and achievements can lead to demotivation. Remember to balance feedback with positive reinforcement to maintain a supportive and encouraging environment.
Solution? Don’t use the word “but”
“You did a great thing… but…”
No one hears what comes before the but.
Instead, if you’re going to offer praise and positive feedback do that. Save the critique for a separate occasion. It’s ok to not do the critical feedback as part of the same sentence, or even the same conversation.
Praise generously, regularly and often. But be selective about when you share critique.
In Closing
I continue to make mistakes. It’s hard to always do the best thing, but as managers, we must constantly improve.
Feedback is a powerful tool that, when used effectively, can drive individual and team success. By avoiding common feedback mistakes, you can create an environment where constructive criticism fosters growth and continuous improvement.
By mastering the art of giving feedback, you will cultivate a culture of open communication, trust, and collaboration, ultimately leading to the long-term success of your team and organisation.
Onwards!
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