How to improve the impact of your coaching questions

Introduction

The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay-Stanier is a book that aims to simplify day-to-day coaching, especially for managers. A core part of coaching is asking good questions. In the book, Michael shares a number of actions we can take to improve the quality of our coaching questions. The poster below summarises these tips and afterward, there’s more detail about each of these actions.

Managers must ask questions, it’s not optional but necessary. Questions are great tools that managers can use to challenge people’s thinking, have coaching conversations and help team members solve their own problems. But for questions to be effective they have to be good questions.

There are specific actions you can take to make your questions have more impact. Following are some tips that will improve the impact of the questions you ask.

Tip 1 — Ask one question at a time

Have you ever been in a situation when someone asked three questions at the same time hoping you will answer all of them with a single statement? Some people call this type of questioning multiple questions. What such questioning does is confuse the person who wants to answer them.

This tip is — Ask one question at a time. Just one question at a time.

After you’ve asked someone a question, don’t add another question. Rather, keep quiet for the answer. Only after you get an answer should you ask another question.

Tip 2 — Cut the intro and ask the question

If you’ve got a question to ask then ask it. Cut out any lead-up talk or rambling and just get straight to the point, and ask the question.

So, this tip is;

When you’ve got a question to ask, don’t beat around the bush, ask the question and then keep quiet to listen.

Tip 3 — Stop offering advice with a question mark attached

In other words, stop asking rhetorical questions when what you really want to do is give advice. Separate your questions from giving advice. Those so-called questions that you start with “have you thought of…?” or “did you consider…?” are not questions. They are advice disguised as questions.

The tip here is:

Ask a question and if you want to present an idea, offer it as an option rather than a question.

Tip 4 — Stick to questions starting with “what”

As much as you can avoid questions starting with “why”. When you ask your team members “why” questions they may get defensive because it sounds like you are interrogating them. Instead, use more questions starting with what.

The tip here is to:

Reframe your “why” questions as “what” questions. A question like “why did you do that?” becomes “what were hoping for there?”

Tip 5 — Get comfortable with silence

When you ask someone a question and they don’t immediately answer you, how do you feel? Does the silence make you feel uncomfortable? What often happens in such situations is that we try to fill in that void of silence, we want to say something. Don’t do that.

According to Michael Bungay-Stanier,

“Silence is often a measure of success. It may be that the person you’re coaching is the type who needs a moment or three to formulate the answer in his head before speaking it. In which case you’re giving him that space.”

So, the tip is:

When you’ve asked a question and the person doesn’t answer within the first two seconds, don’t fill up the space with another question or ask the same question again by phrasing it differently. Also, don’t just say anything to get rid of the silence. Rather, take a breath, stay open and keep quiet for another three seconds.

Tip 6 — Actually listen to the answer

When you ask a question genuinely listen to the person’s answer. Listen with the intent to understand the answer.

Don’t:

• Nod your head pretending that you’re attentive when you are not
• Make ‘uh huh’ noises to make it seem like you’re listening
• Give forced eye contact that isn’t real
• Spend the time thinking about how you’re going to respond

No, don’t do any of that. Simply listen to understand and learn genuinely.

“One of the most compelling things you can do after asking a question is to genuinely listen to the answers, stay curious, my friend.”

So, the tip here is:

After you’ve asked a question, don’t go through the motions trying to look like you are listening. Instead, actually listen. And if you do get distracted, catch yourself and start listening again.

Tip 7 — Acknowledge the answers you get

If you ask a question and the person answers, acknowledge their answer.

“You don’t need to say much. This isn’t about judging people, it’s about encouraging and letting them know that you listened and heard what they said.”

The tip is:

When someone responds to your question, acknowledge their answer by saying something like, “yes, that’s good.”

Tip 8 — Use every channel to ask a question

You can ask questions using different communication modes. This can be face-to-face or even by email. For instance, instead of replying to an email with some advice, why don’t you ask a question instead.

The tip here is;

If you get an email that prompts you to respond with advice, stop and think first. Asking a question in response may be a much better response.

Those are eight actions you can use to improve the quality of your coaching questions. You don’t have to use all of them at the same time but incorporating some of them will make your questions have more impact.