How to Manage Employees on Parental Leave
What’s missed in the conversation today, and how managers can use this overlooked opportunity as a recruiting and retention tool
When I returned from 3-months of maternity leave earlier this year, one of my colleagues referred to this time as my “vacation.”
On the one hand, I get this impression.
The first time I had a baby — nearly a decade ago — I also envisioned my 12-week “break” would be spent disconnecting from work stress, reading novels (I got two… which still have yet to be read), and giggling with my little one.
Christ, I was wrong.
Only one piece was partly right: I did disconnect from reality as I had known it.
I’ve gone on maternity leaves four times now. The experience was always enriching, confusing, and exhausting. Here are two illustrations of why:
Mind f*cks.
It is special snuggling with your baby. But holding a baby for hours daily isn’t too different from holding up a glass of water indefinitely.
It requires some attention, makes it hard to do other tasks, and gets monotonous quickly.
While you’re doing this, your mind is probably running wild. Up to 4 in 5 new moms get the baby blues— another way of saying you’re an emotional wreck.
Sleep deprivation.
Babies are often born nocturnal. Mine were most active between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m.
For the primary caregiver, a baby’s erratic sleep patterns can mean months of not getting sleep for more than a few hours at a time.
Fixing this and finding sleep consistency is an elusive goal for new parents. Whatever you do, episodic teething pain or sleep regressions will happen in the first year.
A national study found roughly ⅓ of moms still face problems from sleep loss when their babies are over six months.
What do most managers miss here?
This entire conversation.
No one wants to hear complaining or TMI. Returning employees also don’t want to risk being seen as unreliable or distracted. So polite workplace conversation centers on how cute the baby is.
Why is this a problem?
Companies confuse leave with vacation.
When I took maternity leave with my daughter (in 2015), my company at the time billed me for taking 12 weeks without a salary — while on leave, I was required to mail in checks for my health insurance coverage.
A “charge employees for the privilege” policy makes sense if the corporation views maternity leave as an unnecessary sabbatical.
Unfortunately, it also creates churn and terrible references.
Leadership can inadvertently write new moms off.
In the months after I announced my first pregnancy, my manager at the time asked me which part of my responsibilities I wanted to hand off. This was to protect the team and ensure they had a backup because I was going on leave.
Having responsibility stripped felt and looked terrible. I was left feeling that asking for a 12-week leave had hurt my reputation with leadership.
Managers are ill-equipped.
Misunderstanding the maternity leave experience — or not having guidelines or team backfill — justifies expecting a returning employee to grind at 110%.
For example, after my 2nd child, I was scheduled to give a conference presentation within two weeks of my return. To meet deadlines, I had to research and start building the deck on my 12-week unpaid leave.
New parents risk burnout or checking out.
New parents are in no position to disagree with their circumstances. If they speak up, it could signal to company leadership that they’re not committed or a whining malcontent. Either of these could lead to lost bonuses and promotions.
These workplace and money pressures are a recipe for burnout, work errors, or an unsustainable lack of balance at home.
Alternatively, the new parent may mentally check out of the office, killing team morale and productivity.
What should team leaders do?
Be considerate to build loyalty.
Do not pressure new parents to work while on leave so they can focus on recovering and adjusting to their circumstances.
Also, have realistic expectations when they return. If they had a short leave, they’re probably not going to be well-rested.
Balance this respect with conversations about their career growth. This meeting will signal that you’re focused on their longer-term development at the company.
Giving this reassurance is so important. Career-driven women are particularly likely to be self-conscious about the impact of their leave — don’t leave them guessing.
Highlight leave benefits in recruiting.
Companies with a reputation for thoughtful leave policies can differentiate their recruiting and attract a broader set of top candidates.
Hiring managers should feature company parental leave policies in job postings or career pages. If you don’t, experienced parents will assume that yours are embarrassing.
Make parental resources available to ensure support.
GitLab has a model worth watching. The company’s guidelines help managers consider the employee’s situation and know best-practice behavior.
New parents are offered a 3-month ‘4th-trimester’ coaching program to help their transition back to the office.
They also have a new parent re-entry buddy, where a current employee meets weekly to help smooth the transition. This includes things like taking time to explain department changes.
What could this look like for your organization?
If we discussed parental leave experiences more, managers could be better equipped to help their employees confidently return to work.
Share your maternity leave experience in this 10-minute survey. Your perspective will help inform a book I’m writing to spotlight the importance of the topic.
If you would like to connect more, you can contact me at 4thmom.com.
