Management Mess to Leadership Success Challenge 8: Model Work/Life Balance
*If paparazzi had followed you last week, would they have seen a balance of activities at work and outside of work? What’s the impact?*
A secret is floating around the corporate world called “work/ life balance.” It’s a turn of phrase you’re supposed to talk about as a vital company value. But the secret is that we don’t mean it. Not really. It’s well understood that, while we openly talk about structuring one’s time and attention to effectively balance work and private life (wink, wink; nudge, nudge), if you really want to succeed as a leader, you clock as many hours as you can — be the first to arrive at the office and the last to leave, life balance be damned. For those of you who think the tide has turned, according to research published in 2018, The Project: Time Off survey, 24 percent of Americans reported they hadn’t taken a vacation in more than a year, and 52 percent reported having unused vacation days at the end of 2017.
It wasn’t always this way. Thirty years ago, my father was a mid-level leader at a Fortune 500 company. I only remember his office calling him at home once or twice during the evening — over the course of three decades. His boss never called him at home. Until the early ’90s, no matter your level, work was finished when you left the office. Sure, you thought about it, but you weren’t expected to engage until the next workday (and you certainly weren’t focused on it over the weekend).
We seem to have lost that old-school wisdom over the years. To my mind, without the energizing and renewing activities that take place outside the office, you can’t be “whole” or fulfilled. And if you’re not fulfilled in multiple areas of your life, you likely won’t be as productive at work. Studies even link an active sex life to improved job satisfaction and engagement at work (to clarify, not an active sex life at work). The point is, the more fulfilled you are, the more productive you’ll be. And the more productive you are, the fewer hours you’ll have to clock at work. Conversely, the more miserable you are, the less productive you’ll be, thus requiring more hours at the office to get things done. It’s a vicious or virtuous cycle, depending on where you jump on.
It took me a while to figure this out. Have I mastered it? Not even close. I’ve got a good deal of muscle memory around saying yes, taking on the big lifts, accepting the keynote on the other side of the world, etc. And let’s be honest, thanks to technology, it’s never been more difficult to find work/life balance — and it will only get worse. The line between work and life is mostly blurred beyond distinction. Sure, I know people who proudly announce their militant adherence to strict work/life boundaries. They’re the same ones who, after a dinner out, itemize the check and pay their 41 percent because you had two glasses of wine and they had one. I wish them well in their commitment to hardcore balance. Separate checks, please… separate tables also.
As nearly every private enterprise needs a global presence to compete, the expectation is only increasing that we use our technology to stay connected and engaged. Often in exchange for being constantly available, many of us are afforded more flexible work environments. In fact, many companies
have adopted a flexible vacation policy for salaried associates: “Take what you need, but deliver your results.”
Sounds like a reasonable tit for tat. But pardon the phrase, I’d bet there’s more tat (“but deliver your results”) than tit (“take what you need in vacation”). How many of you took more than ten vacation days in the past calendar year (and don’t count government holidays)? I can tell you I didn’t, and it isn’t because I couldn’t think of anywhere to go or anything to do. I was either acting out of my habit of saying yes, or continuing to labor under the delusion that taking time off would make me less productive, not more. Welcome to my management mess. I realize this paradigm may be more American-centric, but the world isn’t becoming less competitive, so govern your careers accordingly.
There’s a reason we call this challenge “Model” Work/Life Balance, not just “be an advocate for” it. When leaders themselves don’t have a life, they not only look pitiful in the eyes of their teams, they also set a very low standard for how others behave, consciously or unconsciously.
Don’t forget, it’s your life, so don’t spend it all at work. To quote countless people, nobody on their deathbed ever wished they’d spent more time at the office. No one can dictate the right balance — you decide. We all have different values (personal and professional), different seasons in our careers, financial demands, skills, fears, etc. Let no one else decide what you value. I don’t feel the need to take your time and further advocate why you should be balanced and take time in your life. That’s readily apparent to all of us, based on all the literature advocating it. What I want to spend the time on now is, as a leader, why it’s important for you to model it for others.
Beyond investing in yourself, what you model is likely what you will see come to life in your colleagues. Your people need to know that it’s safe for them to take time off. Whether or not you think your own behavior translates to theirs, trust me, it does. Your team members will draw conclusions about what is acceptable and what is not, based both on what you say and what you do. If you truly want your people to live balanced lives that allow them a sense of renewal, purpose, and increased productivity in the workplace, you have to model it yourself.
Life balance doesn’t necessarily mean taking a vacation. Leaders need to take time off to invest in themselves, develop hobbies, and work on their health and relationships. We also need to become more multidimensional by not letting our jobs define us. We’ve all experienced seasons in our lives that lean more toward our careers — and that’s okay, as long as it’s limited to a season. Remember, seasons pass, or at least they should.
Never use the excuse that if you take time off, you’ll just face an increasingly daunting workload when you return. That is likely true for all of us. But that lame logic could also be applied to showering — never take one, because you’re just going to get dirty again.
If you really don’t want a vacation, or truly can’t afford one, there’s no shame in that. Some who are single or have limited social groups may not want to travel alone. Others with large financial pressures frankly don’t want to increase that stress by trying to force a vacation into the budget. It’s your business, but don’t let these become excuses for staying yoked to your job. Announce you’re taking a week off and simply leave. It may in fact be a “staycation,” and that’s fine. Sit at home, draw the shades, and start crocheting. Do not call, text, or email any associates. Remember, your team members also benefit from a “boss break.”
If nothing else, not taking vacations makes you look pitiful. People will talk about it. That’s horrible for your brand. Worse yet, your team won’t aspire to your job. (Who wants to follow your example?) Better to disappear for a week and make something up about visiting Rome. Here come the emails about me encouraging you to lie, but if it gets you out of the office, then it’s worth the inbox barrage.
Excerpted with permission from Mango Publishing from “Management Mess to Leadership Success: 30 Challenges to Become the Leader You Would Follow” by Scott Miller (Mango Publishing).
