Managing Made Me a Better Dad
I was a manager before I was a dad, but I imagine this concept works in reverse, too.
It’s a whole lotta responsibility.
As both a manager and a parent, you realize very quickly that it isn’t all about you anymore. There are other people relying on you, and you have a tremendous amount of responsibility for those other people.
For their children, especially young children, parents are the most important people on the face of the earth. For their team members, managers are the most important people at work.
Talk about responsibility…
In many ways, my wife and I are the world to our boys. We filter the world to them, and we help interpret and give meaning to their environment and experiences. We know we won’t be their whole world for much longer — it has already faded with our oldest (he’s 13). We only have our kids for a short period of time before other influences out there — friends, classmates, teachers, etc. — become a pretty big deal too. Probably even bigger than us.
Similarly, you are the most important person at work for the people that work for you. You are “the company” to them, whether you like it or not. In many instances, you filter the company to your team, and they often see the corporation through your eyes and what you tell them.
We want them to spread their wings.
We do our best with our children while we have them close by, and then when it’s time to let them go we hope our best was enough. We hope they’ve grown into the ability and desire to make the right choices when we’re not around.
We coach our team members in the same way. We know we won’t always be there, so we focus on developing them as best we can, and we hope that’s enough.
A coaching conversation with my kid.
Joe was in 2nd grade, and I was driving him to basketball practice. He was silent for several minutes, which usually means he’s asleep. Not that night, though. He must have been deep in thought, because his silence ended and we had a conversation that has stuck with me ever since.
Joe: “Dad, what was your least favorite grade?”
Me: “My least favorite grade? Hmm… I guess it was probably 7th. Why, what’s your least favorite grade Joe?”
Joe: “First.”
Me: “First grade? Really? What was so bad about first grade?”
Joe: “It was boring.”
Me: “Hmm. So, what’s your favorite grade?”
Joe: “Second.”
Me: “Second grade? What makes that your favorite?”
Joe: “Well, time goes really fast. It doesn’t seem like school days are long at all.”
Me: “Is that right? What makes them go so fast?”
At this point in the conversation there was a long pause, and I thought that perhaps Joe had fallen asleep. Have I mentioned that silence is not normal for him? But then…
Joe: “I think it’s because it’s challenging.”
Me: “Challenging… what do you mean by that?”
Joe: “Well, Mrs. Barnes gives us hard things to do and you have to concentrate and I think that makes the time go fast.”
Me: “What is it about concentrating that does that?”
Another long pause. I’m considering pulling over to check his temperature. Finally…
Joe: “The time goes fast because it’s fun.”
Me: “Wow Joe, I think you just made a discovery.”
Joe: “Yeah. Hard work can actually be fun. That’s sort of weird.”
It occurred to me later that this was a coaching conversation. The kind of Socratic conversation that I’d been trained to have with my direct reports, the same training that I now deliver.
I could have told Joe a thousand times that hard work can be fun, but he never would have believed it like he believed it that night.
Because he discovered it for himself.
As a dad, these moments are far too infrequent. I want to experience them in their fullest and remember them forever.
As a manager, these moments are too infrequent as well. Not because they don’t present themselves enough, but because we get too wrapped up in all the other responsibilities that come along with our jobs that we don’t slow down enough to recognize the opportunities.
Look for these coachable moments, and be present for them. It’s difficult. But when it works, the payoff is absolutely worth the effort. And more.
Hard work can be fun. That’s sort of weird.
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For writing or leadership coaching, check me out here or shoot me an email at chris@claritypd.com
