Six Actions for Developing Relationship Management skills
Relationship management is the fourth core behaviour of emotional intelligence and it builds on the three other core behaviours. With the previous three core behaviours in place to help a person build up their emotional intelligence, the right foundation is in place to strengthen relationship management skills.
Self-awareness which is the first core behaviour allows us to recognise and understand our emotions so that we have a better understanding of ourselves and also know how our behaviour impacts people around us. We can never truly understand ourselves till we can truly face our emotions.
When we are able to understand and recognise our emotions we can then move on to self-management which is the ability to control our emotions and behave appropriately. Having the ability to be in control of our emotions and intentionally choose how to respond and behave in various situations and challenges when we are experiencing sometimes very intense emotions allows us to manage ourselves appropriately.
These two behaviours of self-awareness and self-management are the personal competencies of emotional intelligence. They are about us and we must master them first before we can move on to the interpersonal competencies which have to do with others. Also called social competencies, they are social awareness and relationship management which this article focuses on.
Social awareness is our ability to identify emotions in other people and recognise what is going on with them. When we are social awareness we are paying attention to others, empathising with them and behaving in ways to help us better engage with others.
When all these three core behaviours are in place then we have got the foundation for developing our relationship management skills. Relationship management is our ability to use the awareness of our own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. Relationship management is about being able to bond with others successfully, manage conflict handle, group situations well and develop productive relationships.
Following are six actions we can take to develop our relationship management abilities.
Stay open and curious
Stay open and curious by being willing to share information with others about yourself. Be mindful to use your self-management skills to decide what and how much about yourself you want to share. Also, show interest in the other person. Ask them questions and listen to learn about them. Take the time to identify relationships that need building and plan how to be open and curious in those relationships.
Show appreciation and humility
Don’t overlook the little things you can do to appreciate and acknowledge people. Saying ‘sorry’ when necessary, ‘please’, and ‘thank you’ can go a long way in having a positive impact on people’s morale. Make it a habit of using more of these phrases in your daily communication and conversations whether in work-related or personal interactions.
Respond to feedback with a learning mindset
Learn to take feedback well. Feedback can be tough to hear and receive. But you should see it as a relevant perspective from someone you can learn from. When you receive feedback, use your social awareness to listen and understand, self-awareness to recognise how you feel and self-management to decide what you are going to do with the feedback and act on it.
Work to build trust with people
Work on building trust with people. Trust is something that is built over time but unfortunately can be lost in seconds. To build trust with people, you will need to communicate openly, and be consistent in your words, actions and behaviour over time. You should also be reliable and follow through on agreements. Trust helps us to build connections with others and you may need to ask people what you can do to build trust with them.
Demonstrate empathy by acknowledging feelings
Acknowledge the feelings of others. While acknowledging the feelings of others can be uncomfortable, it is an effective relationship management strategy. When you are with people expressing emotions, take the time to acknowledge how they are feeling. Do not try to stifle, change or dismiss their feelings. People have a right to their feelings. Even if you don’t agree with their feelings, still acknowledge them.
Show you care
When you care, show it. Don’t think about it, show it. Saying ‘thank you’, telling people you appreciate them, and buying people cards and inexpensive gifts to show you care can go a long way. Do little things to show you care about people. Don’t just have good ideas about how you can show you care, act on those ideas. If someone does something you value, let the person know how you feel about it.
This is the final article from the series of articles I have been writing on emotional intelligence, a skill which is crucial for managers and leaders. Remember that emotional intelligence is the intelligent use of our emotions to help us be more productive. It is being able to handle our emotions in such a way that we are better able to manage our own behaviour and interactions with other people. By focusing on developing our self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management skills, we will improve our emotional intelligence.
