This is How to Confront Discrimination Without Losing Friends
One small change reduces backlash by almost 10%.
“I heard she got that job because they need to meet diversity targets.”
You’re just trying to eat your lunch. You don’t know the woman they’re talking about. You could pretend you didn’t hear. Statistically, that would be the wise choice.
People that confront bias at work are less popular. They’re seen as sensitive complainers. The penalty isn’t as high if your demographics match the majority. In most European offices this means male and white. But even then, you’ll still pay a price.
It doesn’t feel great to stay quiet.
DEI teams encourage confrontation of micro-aggressions. HR do their best to put backlash protections in place. For an inclusive culture, we need employees to challenge discrimination when they see it.
The reality is, you’ll be taking a personal penalty to benefit the wider group. Scientists at the London Business School have found a way to at least lower the cost.
It’s all about intention. More specifically, what other people think your intention is.
Fixed-Mindset people treat prejudice as a permanent trait. This worldview says some people are sexist. They always will be sexist. They should be ashamed and stay quiet.
Growth-Mindset people treat prejudice as a temporary trait. This worldview says some people hold sexist views. They can change them. They should be informed and supported.
Make people think you’re a Growth-Mindset person.
If your lunch-mates think you are a Fixed-Mindset person, they won’t like your confrontation at all. They’ll say your intention is to protect yourself from offense. They’ll say you want to shame them.
If you’re lunch-mates think you are a Growth-Mindset person, they still won’t love your confrontation. No one likes being called out. But they won’t dislike you as much.
Growth Mindset people who confronted discrimination at work were rated lower on the complainer scale. This scale includes traits like hypersensitive, irritating, troublemaker, emotional, and argumentative.
The scientists found two ways to quickly seem like a Growth-Mindset person.
Before the confrontation, share your views on personal growth more generally. In one experiment, backlash was reduced by a single sentence.
Say this:
“No matter who somebody is and how they act, they can always change their ways’.”
Not this:
“Someone’s personality is a part of them that they can’t change very much.”
During the confrontation, stress that your motivation is to enable growth.
Say this:
“I know this task was a little weird, but I thought some of your answers on the photos of black people were a little prejudiced, and that bothered me. Like that one where you said the [guy/girl] was a [stereotype used by participant, e.g., “criminal”]. I wanted to point it out because I think people can work on these things and change how biased they are.”
Not this:
“I know this task was a little weird, but I thought some of your answers on the photos of black people were a little prejudiced, and that bothered me. Like that one where you said the guy/girl] was a [stereotype used by participant]. I wanted to point it out, but I don’t think people can do much to change how biased they are.”
For a deeper dive into the science: Not Such a Complainer Anymore: Confrontation that Signals a Growth Mindset can Attenuate Backlash (Rattan et al., 2023)
