From sharing to listening: My journey towards healing
A couple of months ago, a friend opened up to me about a childhood experience that they had buried somewhere in their memory. A piece of news had triggered the revival of that memory.
I was surprised. They reached out to me randomly.
I was happy. Because they shared.
I was sad. Because they had to go through it.
I asked questions. To understand how they were feeling at that moment. To know how they were dealing with it.
I was relieved. To know that sharing helped them heal.
I felt calm. Because their answers untangled some of my problems.
The following day, an old acquaintance asked me to raise awareness about that news that went viral overnight. I tried to open up to them about one of my experiences in hopes of finding a safe space. They heard me but didn’t listen to me.
Yes, there is a difference between hearing and listening. We hear sounds that come to our ears but when we listen, we pay attention to those sounds.
Even before I was done talking, they started to react with their opinion. They started to suggest what I should have done. I was not seeking all of that. They failed. I don’t blame them.
We were never taught how we should act when someone is going through a tough time or wants to share a difficult experience.
While I was trying to initiate conversations on a personal level, I got an opportunity to participate in a reflective activity. The activity was being organised by the NGO I have been associated with over the last four years. A total of 13 people consented to participate. While some were well-known to me, others were strangers.
The idea behind the activity was to share our experiences of the last few months. One day was dedicated to everyone. They could share anything they wanted to, at any time of the day.
From sharing issues related to physical, social and mental health and stepping out of our comfort zones to learning new things and seeking professional help, we shared the not-much-shared-about episodes of our lives.
Listening to stories of others made me realise that all of us are walking similar journeys. All of us have our own share of problems.
What struck me hard was how smartly we manage to hide the troubles due to fear of judgement, rejection, shame or stigma.
When it was my turn to share, I feared rejection. I was scared as I didn’t know how people would react. I was worried if participants who had witnessed some scenes from those chapters would understand me. It took me a lot of courage to be vulnerable, not only in front of strangers but also those people who knew me quite well.
In this blog, I had said that I was sharing my story in bits and pieces. However, with this group of people, I decided to share a big chunk of my story, those chapters of my life which I was afraid to open till a few months ago and were untangled only recently.
Finding a safe space to share my story helped me let go of a part of me that I was unwillingly holding on to. People were not only empathetic but also encouraged me to explore more.
Giving that same safe space to others made more empathetic and a better listener.
As the activity concluded, I was filled with hope and positivity.
