Tea Hive, Manchester Road, Chorlton

We know we’re in Chorlton because there are young medics at the next table uptalking about what to do with all their unpasteurised milk. The menu’s similarly Chorlton-esque too — a long list of Eggs All Day options with everything from eggs with halloumi to vegan eggs without eggs. There are also Full English and Veggie Breakfast options, but interestingly they’re only available at weekends.

Laptops open, I’m down for an Eggs Portobello — with cheddar and wheat-free garlic breadcrumbs, because having gluten with your cheddar is just so unhealthful. Here’s what it looks like from the avocado side:

There’s a lot of tasty cheddar hiding in there though — this is a really naughty breakfast. The portobello mushrooms make such a superb breakfast base that it really doesn’t feel like the bread-free option. Here’s the other side of the same dish:

The Rangy Ginge isn’t going to be winning any healthy eating awards either today — she goes for Eggs Twisted, the one with halloumi cheese, and is similarly impressed:

Both dishes have a few flaws beyond being heart-attack-inducing — all the yolks are hard, and the muffin is dried out — but this is satisfying, ingenious cooking and the four lattes are all absolutely superb.

The menu has options to satisfy even the most bizarrely orthorectic Chorlton clientele, but these are also big belly-busting breakfasts. Thankfully Tea Hive is too far away from home to pose us a serious health risk. Let’s hope the medics found an outlet for their unpasteurised milk while doing no harm.