By Yourself About Yourself

Begin to Lead a First-Hand Life


Introduction

Though the content of what I will be writing about is philosophical in nature, the application of this knowledge is immensely practical.

This being said, these lines only make sense if you put them in practice. As the title suggests, this chapter gives you hints or a guideline for work that you have to do with yourself. You would probably be reluctant to begin if you were put alone in a room, the door closed and said ‘Now, transform yourself! Tomorrow I want to see another you sitting here!’

You may smile, but is it really as farfetched as it sounds? Does it not reflect a bit the way most selfhelp gurus approach their clients? And most of us try hard to comply with our guru’s method and perhaps it helps.

The chance that it helps is as high as the chance that it fails. This is so because we are all different as human beings and what works for one does not necessarily work for another.

This does not mean that nobody could teach you anything in matters of self-improvement. It only means that a particular method is not going to work for you just because it has worked for Mr. Guru. If it works for you, it does so because it is in accordance with your continuum. If it does not work for you, this does in turn not mean that Mr. Guru is a charlatan, but only that his method does not work for you.

Our present social and educational paradigm makes you believe that there are standard truths, standard values, standard forms of behavior and a standardized morality framework for all of us.

Natural science that was deeply alienated from spiritual truth and whose main advocate was Charles Darwin has led many to simply compare humans to the animal race and to deduct social, political and psychological conclusions from such a haphazard premise.

The fact that we all got two arms and two legs does not mean that we can compare human beings with each other on a soul level. If we could, it would be easy and practical to work out standards for self-improvement and promote them worldwide in schools, universities and the media.

I do not say that this idea is nonsense per se. In the contrary, I am the first to advocate it and I do work hard for its realization. But only if the primary condition is met. This condition is that the methods taught are only pathways to guide people toward their own inner guru, and not to establish the ultimate Big Brother Gurus & Co. multinational.

You Got It

The only wisdom you can learn is the one you have got already, that is contained in your continuum, your own inner space, your timeless soul, your potential. All wisdom, all knowledge that we can find, we knew it before, and if we wish, we can find it again. I think we all have gone, as humans, through the loss of connectedness with our true source.

From this experience of loss we keep a deep-down memory, somewhere in our collective unconscious. From this memory and the depression and loneliness that followed, we have developed a feeling of anticipation, a deep anxiety regarding the lost knowledge. This is why many of us today still reject what they call esoteric knowledge or make it down as superstition or imagination.

These lines are not written by myself about myself. I’ve written such books, too. We call them autobiographical. This book is not an autobiography nor is it against autobiographies. It is more of a guide that tries to direct you toward your own Tao, your own Way.

It’s about a first-hand life and I will have to explain more in detail what I mean by this term. My quest and perhaps contention is that most of us today lead second-hand lives, rather than living lives grown on the fertile ground of what perhaps could be called self-ownership.

Most people today, as I have observed over more than forty years, do not own themselves. They are neither the owners of their bodies nor even of their thoughts or feelings. They live shallow lives, at the periphery or even outside of their continuum. They are the product of input given by others.

Honestly, I find this state of affairs frightening. This is why I wish to address you these lines. If you do care about yourself and are searching, you are still on the way to what is your Way.

I indeed believe that wisdom can only reach those who are ‘on the way,’ not the ones who have settled down in their graves of status, of establishedness, self-satisfaction, or who are imbued with so-called success. This is to tell you that being-on-the-way is the Way, is the Tao. The point you are going to reach is by far less important. When you look closely at it, you will see that you are constantly reaching points, and that you are constantly passing by points. By doing so, you namely let them behind and face new ones.

Points, goals, achievements are transitory. This does not mean that they are worthless, in the contrary. They possess the worthiness to contribute to our growth. They are valid and precious in their being transitory. Were they not transitory, they would be useless.

Thus points, goals, and achievements are necessary but not essential. They are steps on the Way, steps toward perfection. Mastering the steps does not per se imply mastering life. Many people confuse the steps with the Tao, and forget that the most important is to be consciously on-the-way, and not to consciously take the steps.

In our culture, it is fashionable to be goal-centered instead of way-centered. If I understand that every goal is transitory, how can I be goal-centered at all? To focus on the Tao is to see the futility of goals, without however disregarding them.

The difference between a Taoist master and a daydreamer is that the first sees the futility of goals whereas the latter completely disregards goals. There is a tremendous difference between both, also an energy difference. If I do not invest energy in achieving goals but invest this energy in the Way to achieve them, I preserve my energy for the ultimate purpose which is the Tao, the Way, itself. As long as I focus my energy, it is preserved. If, however, I daydream, I spill my energy without focus. This is precisely the difference between a sage and a fool.

Creativeness is invisible. It only is seen or heard once the creation is born, once action has been initiated at the outside level. However, during gestation, when others perceive nothing, there is most vivid action going on in the invisible realms of the creator.

A First-Hand Life

Life is our creation at every infinitesimal point of the lifeline. The lifeline itself has no beginning and no end and therefore is more appropriately described as the circle-of-life, or the spiral-of-life. There is no doubt about our impact upon the invisible threads out of which the web of life is woven.

However, our today’s depressed and alienated masses tend to believe that there is, if ever, only negligible individual control over life and that life is per se destined to be this or that way, according to some mysterious heavenly plan. In reality, there simply is no such plan. It is interesting to see to what extent this wrong presumption contributes to the dullness of the ignorant masses.

Contemplating the power of nature, of creation, how can one associate anything but freedom with the fundamental force from which sprang all the thousand and million things? This force has created unlimited freedom and power. However, humans have limited it to the tiny stupid thing that they have made out of life and that they use to call their life. They talk of my life and your life, as if we individually owned life, as if life could be owned at all. Only things can be owned but life is not a thing, but a dynamic, energetic process — a cosmic dance.

Only utter ignorance about the very roots of life could bring about the present state of affairs among us humans, this desperate dependency and passivity of humans worldwide. Of course, we are very busy imitating others and in that many people find their shallow satisfaction. It is a lack of energy, of commitment to ourselves and our individual, very specific mission that makes us comply with the baseline of living and transforms us into bad copies of ourselves.

Few people live original lives, first-hand lives. Compared with the masses of imitators and robots that run around on this globe, these people represent a tiny minority. And if you look closely at them you find out quickly that they are always the contradictors, the ones who try to do things differently, the ones who are not easily satisfied, not easily duped into some petty mediocre thing, be it a job or a partner or the proverbial ‘million in the lottery.’

Their value system is strangely different from the one most people have blindly adopted. When they were children, they were keen, very curious, sometimes excessively inquisitive, yet not out of low intention but from a deep thirst for human experience and interest in the human soul. In school, or more generally, in systems, educational, military or otherwise, they are the big or small disturbers, the ones who never fit in, the ones who won’t comply with most of the rules, the ones also who spontaneously create different rules that, typically, function better than the rules they broke.

I do not say that you have to become a rule-breaker in order to get to know your original self, while rule-breaking at times does trigger a personal path of self-perfection. I do say, however, that in order to get in touch with your own originality, you have to become acutely aware of all the influences you are exposed to at any moment of your life. Why?

Because there are influences that are beneficial for your growth and there are others that are harmful for it or that for the least are going to retard it. The art of life is all about being able to distinguish the latter influences from the former. Some authors and gurus require an inner purification before they admit that our soul can grow and develop. However, this means to put a time element in something that is beyond or outside of time.

Matters concerning the soul or our higher self are outside the time-space continuum. If we assume that growth processes on this level can only take place after going through a sort of soul graduation, we assemble events on a timeline that have no place there.

It seems smarter to admit that the very process of growing implies in itself a purification of old soul content. There is probably, without our knowing of it, a continuous process of renewal going on in the soul. In addition, it seems more effective to think in terms of evolution than in terms of purification. Purification focuses on the past, evolution on the future. If I want to ride a bicycle or a car and watch the road too closely, I am accident-prone. I ride safely if I gaze within a farther distance.

The same is true for personal evolution. Directed, voluntary progress is possible only if there is vision, and a vision that heads farther into the future than just tomorrow or next week. True vision is created by your higher self, after deep relaxation, by centering within and focusing upon your uniqueness.

Many people, especially from the older generation, find it against the rules of good taste to focus upon themselves, to do self-improvement or generally to bestow attention on themselves. Many of them carry along deep guilt feelings from childhood, often having suffered mistreatment and neglect in their early years. As a result, they tend to block off when they are asked to take care of themselves. They may indulge in a good deal of social help for others, assist in welfare projects, or be otherwise useful to the community. More often than not, their self-neglect ends with a cancer or some other violent disease that crowns the big sacrifice they wanted to offer with their life!

We cannot be ultimately useful if we regard ourselves as useless. We cannot bestow loving attention upon others if we do not give it to us first. True religion, in the sense of the word, begins with taking care of self.

This is not a religion of egotism as you may haphazardly consider it, but the only true religion. We do never know others good enough to judge their spiritual views, needs and belongings. We are all on different levels of evolution and different spheres of existence and belong to different soul groups and energy fields; and we all have had different former lives, incarnations and challenges, and we all carry different visions about our individual evolution and the evolution of our clan or race.

It is this difference about our soul origins that makes us so helpless when we talk about what we call spiritual matters. Have you ever observed that people talk on different levels of consciousness when they discuss about what is called spirituality? The true lover of truth does not make a distinction between spiritual and non-spiritual matters since this distinction is artificial and without value. For the spiritually minded being, everything is spiritual. For the materialistically minded individual, everything is material. Life is a whole process and every attempt to divide it up, to section it, to dissect it into various parts is detrimental to grasping its perfume.

The central issue of this chapter, then, is about how to gain a deeper understanding of this process that we call life. We are part of this process and therefore, understanding ourselves is a condition to leading a first-hand life and at the same time goes along with understanding life as a whole.

This holistic way of looking at things may seem strange and you may not have looked at it that way until now. However, much of the shortsighted views that have been developed by mechanistic science were based upon a fragmented view of life.

We cannot understand ourselves being part of this creation if we do not care about its other vast aspects and dimensions. Religion, therefore, is truly a science! True religion is the science of the interconnectedness of all creation and the study of this interconnectedness, which can only be a holistic study. Since the intellect is only a smaller part of the mind, we must pursue this study with a greater ensemble of tools than mere intellectual understanding.

Meditation, in its original meaning, is a different form of information gathering, and thus a way of holistic understanding of the patterned nature of living. As a matter of fact, meditation is not sitting for hours cross-legged trying to control your breath, and it is not forcing spirituality upon you, which is merely another mental concept. It is more of being open and soft, and able to gently flow with the currents of life, to adapt flexibly to it and, most of all, understanding the why of circumstances, things and events. Meditation is a way of perceiving the whole of the process and dynamics of life. It is a form of direct perception. Meditation is not different from any other activity. It is not an exercise or a special thing to do for some chosen enlightened beings.

Krishnamurti defined meditation as being a form of undivided attention and he repeated many times that we do not need to take any special posture for doing it. He even said that driving a car with full attention to every single detail of the process of driving is meditation. Read Goethe or Schiller, listen to Baroque music, and you feel that in pre-industrial times, people were meditating when walking in nature, sitting in a boat, having a pique-nique in the forest, or go to a river or lake for an afternoon.

There are a thousand ways to meditate, and since we are all different, everybody should freely find out about his preferred way to meditate. Small children meditate spontaneously and can even get into theta brain waves for short moments, without however losing consciousness of the outside world. It is a wonderful thing to happen.

You are challenged to perceive this life in your own unique way, once you are ready to open up your inner view. Then you will see and understand to what extent our perception of life differs, and that we all live in different worlds, even though, outwardly, we seem to live here, in one and the same dimension. And yet, inwardly, our range of experiences is very different, depending on our mindset. Even if you take two individuals who have lived through the same experience, they will report it differently because they have perceived and felt it differently.

The True Meaning of Education

Once you are ready to guide yourself along, to educate yourself, you are able to educate others. It works less the other way around. The word education has its origin in Latin, stemming from the root educere which means something like to guide along. Perhaps some of us were guided along by our teachers, and perhaps others not, or they were misguided. However, the decisive question is: How can we guide ourselves along? The question opens a door since it gives rise to another important question: the question about the direction. Where do you want to go?

Is there any predetermined path set for us? Or did we choose such a path at the onset of our incarnation? Many spiritual teachers tell us that, in fact, we have chosen everything we want to realize in this life, and in the greater life cycle of which this present incarnation is only one element. Such is what we can learn from karmic astrology. However, for most of us this question is not really important. Why? Because we have forgotten about this decision we have once taken before we incarnated.

What I want to convey is that we can at any time renew that decision. We are not bound by any decision we have once taken, be it in this or any other dimension. Each point in the time-space continuum is of equal importance. There is no reason why a decision taken before we incarnated should be more important than a decision we take after our incarnation.

In addition, there is good chance that if we focus inside and look at the question innocently, we are likely to take the same decision again. But it could also be that we have matured to a point to change our self-vision and thus to project another self into the future.

Educating ourselves, guiding ourselves along can therefore only refer to our present valid self-vision. We have to guide us along the vision that we have set for ourselves and that we consider so fundamental and important for our evolution that we reaffirm it over and over. For that purpose, I do not consider it important to indulge in regression therapy or deep hypnosis in order to find out about that decision we may or not have taken before birth. Because of the cyclic nature of life, nothing is lost forever, and there is no barren path to truth. If this decision was so fundamental that it is part of our truth, we will easily take the same decision again, once we center and are connected to our inside reality, our continuum.

To get there, suffices to relax and ask the universe for guidance. If, on the other hand, this decision was not that important, it would be rather confusing to use the armed forces of the hypnotist to get there again. Of course, those who like to go this way at any price are free to do it. But it is not necessary for soul development.

The only true education is the one we give to ourselves. The only true guru is the one we carry within. The only truth is that we grow, constantly, from life to life, experience to experience and year to year of existence. Our teachers and gurus are outside mirrors of our inner guides. Education, as most of us have experienced it in school is a most decadent whitewash of what education was originally about and what it is going to become again in a future Aquarian society.

Education in the true sense of guiding ourselves along our primary vision is the highest task that is set for us during life, within all its cycles, not only the earthly one. It means to be truly responsible for our destiny.

When you are ignorant about your unique, original and true being, you lead a life of imitation, having sold your soul to the gods and devils of modern consumerism.

There are today very few people that I would find interesting to talk to or have a long-term relationship with. The reason is not that I am antisocial or a misanthrope but that it is really a waste of time to be around dummies who represent bad copies of movie stars, football kings, cartoons or television publicity. I do not find it amusing either to be around children who imitate Mickey Mouse because their own personality fell in the deep pockets of their all-so-caring parents.

We live in a society where originality is seen as a luxury. It is hard to find people who dare to be truly original. We all tend to fit in one or the other standard that we picked up and adopted as valid for us, without perhaps being aware of the damage that constant imitation will do to our original being.

Standards are dangerous to our true nature. They alienate us from our own truth and lead us on the slippery path of imitation. They keep us afar from original creation, which is our natural, subtle Tao. And how much more dangerous is it for our Tao when we live in a society which is impregnated with standards, molds and labels, and that spits out endlessly repeated behavior patterns through the mass media that reach the new generations as early as in babyhood.

How Consciousness Works

Conscious living and realizing our highest self-vision is the best armor against any form of involuntary conditioning; this is why true creativity is the best shield against alienation, in which form we face it.

Consciousness works in a somewhat paradoxical way. The information we receive from the various sources that our environment provides is filtered by the active consciousness that surrounds us and that functions like a screen, and the more active it is, the more it is of our own making. There are three possible dimensions in consciousness.

  • Spontaneous acting without thinking, without observer;
  • Action based upon thought, involving the observer;
  • Action based upon guilt, involving the observer-observer.

The most direct action is spontaneous acting without an observer. In this highest quality of action, thought is not involved. This is beneficial because thought is based upon the past thus conditioning the present pattern along previous ones that were initiated by different frames of reference.

If there is no thought, the present pattern can fully grasp the present framework and conditions and, therefore, effective solutions are easily in reach. However, most of us unlearnt spontaneous action through the school environment; while, when we were small children it was our normal daily behavior. Only sages and geniuses, it seems, consciously maintain and cherish the treasure of spontaneity until old age. They are at odds with conditioning and the herd values set by mainstream society.

Spontaneous action is based upon direct perception, which I discovered to be the secret behind fast and effective learning. Direct or immediate perception was once, in ancient times, the regular mode of learning for the upper range of society. It was taught in the mystery schools of the East and the West. It was primarily the mode of perception to be learned among philosophers and religious leaders. In modern times, the only philosopher and religious leader I know of who has presented this amazing truth again to the world was Krishnamurti.

Direct perception is rooted in the present moment. Some call it the ‘eternal now’. When perception is direct, there is no need for interference of thought or of past experiences to perceive reality. There is no judging involved in this perception and no conditioned response. For these reasons it can be said to be the purest way of perceiving reality.

However, because of our strong conditioning in the opposite paradigm, the intellectual or rational mode of perception, immediate perception is not easy for modern man to get into. Not by rejecting thought or trying to stop thinking can it be achieved but solely by understanding the mechanism of the thinking process. The brain must learn to understand the brain, as K put it. Thought is not something we can or have to get rid of. It’s impossible to ‘control thought’ because it means to control the thinker. While it is true that what is beyond thought cannot be reached through thinking, many of our earthly endeavors need thinking and rational planning.

Please be aware that to reject thought means to reject civilization or technology. Technology has certainly no absolute value, but it has a high relative value. It ensures not only survival, but also comfort and, what is perhaps more important, safety and worldwide communication between humans of different cultures. Global international culture could not have come to exist without the high technology involved in electronic communication. Nobody would fly an airplane, not even domestically, without international conventions and agreements on inflight security.

Action based upon thought, then, is not by itself bringing about holistic or wistful action, but it plays a valuable part in the preparation of such action. Action based upon thought such as rational planning, logic reasoning or academic research is important, however limited because of its adherence to the past and to cultural, social and religious conditioning.

Thought always is conditioned by the thinker since there is no thought without the thinker who produces it. This is why there is also an observer which is but another part of the thinker. The observer looks at thought and comments upon it.

That is why action necessarily is delayed because the incentive for action will be inhibited as long as the observer does not fully agree with the action that the thinker wishes to take. In extreme cases the personality is going to split. In schizophrenia or paranoia these two parts or processes are so much divided that they incarnate different split personalities that lead their own lives.

In the normal, non-pathological state, the two parts are still under the control of the ego but in either case immediate action is impossible; in situations of shock, however, when the survival response is triggered and thought is temporarily disabled, such action can spontaneously arise. In situations of immediate danger, to be true, nature triggers the flight-or-fight response that disables thought in order to shortcut the observer.

The result is immediate action that is almost unconscious but effective. Look at the example of the German mother in World War II who was reported to have lifted a car with her bare hands, so that her husband could pull out the badly hurt child and save her. How can a human being lift more than two thousand pounds? Not even an athlete could. The answer is that the human being has got infinite power. This power can be activated through appropriate work on the self. Our inner wisdom or self understands the functional scope of thought so that it can reassign thought the relative place in the whole of the human consciousness process.

The least effective action is action based upon guilt. In this action there are two observers involved in the thinking process, the observer and the observer-observer. The observer-observer is a second observer that observes the observer. This second observer is not originally built into the human psyche; it is the result of guilt. Originally this observer is not there. While the primary observer is a consequence of social conditioning, the secondary observer comes about through guilt and shame. It’s the result of a neurotic condition. The observer-observer is an inner critic that judges and evaluates, sometimes very harshly, every thought, every intention, every desire and every action of the thinker and of the observer. Therefore its task is twofold: observing the thinker and the observer.

You do not need much imagination to see how many possible alternatives this observer-observer can come up with regarding every single thought or intention of the thinker. Action, then, becomes almost impossible or is considerably delayed. And there will be a high level of procrastination.

Even when action is taken, it will barely be whole and consistent as it should since the observer-observer will change position many times during the process, trying to influence the actor to modify his or her action according to the judgments of this ultimate inner judge. Guilt feelings are destructive because they fragment the integrity of the personality.

After this summary explanation about how consciousness operates, I come back to the original question of how to get to live a first-hand life, a life that is our own unique creation? It now seems easier to understand that direct perception is the way back to our original source of knowledge and eternal wisdom, our self. Logically, the first thing we must get rid of is guilt. Second, we have to understand the thinker and the observer so that they cannot interfere with the action but act as mere inner consultants. At this point, I am often asked the question why, actually, the observer, too, must get into a kind of limited mode of action? The question is twofold, actually; some people ask if the observer could be completely annihilated? They seem to reason that if conditioning has brought about the observer, then by abandoning conditioning the observer will logically disappear.

This is of course a correct reasoning. However, it is not that easy to completely free oneself from conditioning; it is notoriously reported that when Krishnamurti, toward the end of his life, was asked if he had the impression that his teaching was understood by humanity and if there were people who have realized total freedom from conditioning, he answered that he himself ‘had not known one single human being who had mastered that decisive step during his lifetime.’

I tend to put a question mark behind this statement, while I really do not know, until this day, if it is possible to free oneself completely from conditioning. Intuitively, I agree with the rather pessimistic outlook of K in his old age. I myself cannot say that I have got there, after so many years of practicing direct awareness and even though I learn relatively fast using direct perception as a learning tool, at least at times. I can affirm that some years ago I was able to annihilate the observer-observer and that, further on, the primary observer has lost a lot of importance for me and its voice has become rather soft. But I cannot say it has altogether disappeared, while at least in meditation, it is now completely absent.

However, I do not exclude the possibility that, during this lifetime, I will be able to annihilate the primary observer as well.

I am optimistic about it for some reason. I meditate now for more than an hour without any thought appearing on the surface of my mind, and even during the day, I can find myself in a state of bliss where there is no single thought coming up, something that, some years ago, seemed sheer impossible to me.

When I discovered Krishnamurti’s teaching about twenty years ago, I could at first master only a time span of one to three minutes to be completely without thought. Now, this happens for several hours. Especially when writing and editing books like the present one, thought is almost completely absent, as I am doing all repetitive work in a state of meditation. Although this text looks like the production of thought, it is not. It is a product of intuition and spontaneous creation.

It is not thought that brings about original creations. It is rather that something is coming through, in a state of mind that is relaxed and comfortable. Without practicing automatic writing in the strict sense, I feel that when I write, draw or spontaneously compose music, thought is absent and there is some kind of total awareness or presence. In this total awareness, something very clear and authoritative manifests through me.

Without these concrete results, I would probably not dare to publish my hypothesis about direct perception and the fact that indeed tremendous learning results can be derived from it. When you do something constantly and you get visible and verifiable results with it, you can safely take it as part of reality and not a mere fantasy product.

It’s you who is going to make up the techniques and first of all the lifestyle you are going to adopt in order to manifest your first-hand life. I can only know what is good for me, but not what is best for you. This is valid for all people, also your highest spiritual teachers for they if they are honest at all, will tell you exactly that. Maharshi tells you that, Krishnamurti told you that. Jesus told you that. Buddha told you that. But you did not understand them. The obstacle for your understanding is your lacking freedom and your stubborn obedience along with your craving for imitation. However, in spiritual matters nobody can tell you anything.

That’s the truth, the only there is and that we can share. Now, if this is so, how can I help you to free yourself from all sense-givers that pervert you and kill your religious quest right at its root? If you don’t believe me, please believe me one thing at least so that we can start: believe me that there are no sense-givers and that only you yourself is going to give your life and destiny the meaning it needs to assume so that it is a fulfilled and happy one.

You cannot get to realize the true sense of your destiny in brushing away your material wishes and desires, your longings for fulfillment, judging them childish, nonsensical, selfish, irrational or megalomanic. There is beauty in all our wishes, material, emotional, sexual, be they perverse. There is deep significance hidden in our wishes. In brushing away your wishes and leaving it to dreamers to fulfill their dreams, you will never access the true sense of your life.

We all are dreamers, and that is the magic of human nature! And the creator force that you may call God, Brahma, Allah, Zoroaster or Buddha or otherwise is the greatest of all dreamers. This force has dreamt this world into existence!

We are not the kind of robots many so-called spiritual teachers wish us to be in order to better manipulate us for their personal glory! Your spiritual side and your material side cannot be separated without killing you. Then, when you die, they separate naturally. But as long as we are incarnated and on this earthly plane of existence, the two spheres are intertwined into one single whole.

You may wonder how it can be that the realization of material wishes contributes to connect you to your true selfhood; truly, the split of our endeavors in ‘material’ and ‘spiritual’ ones is merely artificial. It does not exist. Every material wish is the manifestation of a higher purpose, an evolutionary quest of a higher order that is hidden behind the wish — and that is often unknown to us. There is a deeper reason and a purpose why you want this S-Mercedes and not any other car, and why for me a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow is really the ultimate car.

Psychologists may say that you have a power hangup and need this car to compensate for your feeling powerless or even worthless and that I suffer from megalomania. Let us be careful with such quick judgments. The psychologist may be right but in another way as he intended to. He may be right in that the S-Mercedes will help you heal your power gap and channel misdirected energies into constructive paths. Second, the S-Mercedes may be for you a manifestation of a higher class of being, while your power setup is probably not defective.

Let me try to explain more carefully what I wish to convey. Spiritually and materially we do have classes. Wherever you look, there are social distinctions, classes, levels and hierarchies, or castes. We all have a natural striving to move upward in the hierarchy, be it in our personal evolution or on a social scale. It is infantile to belittle this fact and to label such behavior as mere immaturity. Those who pretend they are completely free of the need to grow upwards are typically the ones that are the most addicted to hierarchical thinking.

The best way to handle this need for constant self-improvement is to be conscious of it, and not to repress or belittle it. You may not easily discover what the higher purpose is behind your wish. You do not need to discover it, to be true. It is much more important to listen to this inner voice and to work actively and in a focused manner for making your wish come true. Then you will see for yourself. For something in the quality of your living will subtly change without you ever becoming aware of that change.

You may well notice the greater comfort and safety, the social recognition and the beauty of the design when you meet your car every morning in the garage. But that’s only the exterior, the peripheral issue. What is behind? I let you find out by yourself. And one thing is sure: the answer is about you…, and not about that car, about the beauty of your whole being, and not the beauty of the design of that car.

Points to Ponder

  • This article was about a first-hand life, the true meaning of education and the way consciousness works.
  • Contrary to what you may have learnt in school and university, in life there are no standards, and there are no standard values. All values are individual, and need to fit your continuum. That is why it’s really not easy to go for your first-hand life, because it means you have to make choices, and these choices must be in alignment with what might be called your cosmic purpose. All choices that you make, especially in spiritual matters, and that you make in accordance with your inner voice, are choices that somehow comply with your full cycle purpose, the purpose not only of this present existence but the purpose of your wandering soul, across all incarnations.
  • The fact that we all got two arms and two legs doesn’t mean we are standardized into a mold also on the soul level. On that level we are as different as the sun and the moon. This is the reason you need to be careful when trying to find out about your soul values, those values that enable you to live a first-hand life, a life of your own unique creation.
  • Few people live original lives, and if you go for it, I can assure you that you will have few friends. When you are a friend of humanity in its highest possible evolution, you will see how quickly you will make empty space around yourself, and I do not tell you it’s all sunshine, because you have to cope with being alone, and see the beauty in it all. Only then will you understand by and by that gregariousness is not something to acquire for any price, and certainly not at the price of your soul. A social life doesn’t mean you fiddle around with all and everybody, but that you align your purpose with a select few of people who are on the same wave length, and vibration, as yourself.
  • The true sense of democracy is not to become a herd animal, but to be yourself within a group whose interactions are based upon mutual respect and freedom. Today more than ever, you are supposed to find your soul mates about everywhere in the world, and the likelihood you find them in the place you were born is rather low. Today, more than ever, you can bond with people around the world, using the electronic media highway, but that also implies a danger, namely that you become soulless and mechanical, assuming you can build a lifelong friendship with people by exchanging a few emails. It is possible of course, but it’s not the regular case, simply because when you require more in life than ordinary folks, it’s harder to get it. And this truth is not bound to any culture, it’s universal. When you go for a first-hand life, you want to be around people who did or do the same, and then, you are among a tiny minority. So either you behave like a wolf and howl with the wolves, or you remain in your own reality and seek out company among those who have been reality creators just like yourself. Then, you are in a private club, and the space in your galaxy is huge as the space within the atom. Then you live in colder spheres, where there is more oxygen, but also more solitude!
  • When you reject thought, you reject technology and civilization. You reject a necessary part of your human machinery. While thought is mechanical, it serves us. Without thought, there wouldn’t be memory, and without memory there would not be civilization in the sense we know it. Thus thought has served survival and this was intended to be so. However, this doesn’t mean you should hypertrophy thought, while this is the pathology most of the people in hyper-tech civilizations are suffering from.
  • When you connect with inside, by doing regular meditation, thought will still be present when you need it, but vanish off when you don’t need it. When you are sitting quiet, you don’t need thought. While in the beginning thoughts will be recurring to a point to bother you, this will gradually cease to happen when you are persistent and regular in your meditation practice.
  • You cannot get to live a life of your own creation without meditation, and authoring your life in a consistent manner. Authoring your life means to develop your language skills, to be able to write spontaneous texts, compose spontaneous music, do spontaneous art, to be able to answer loaded questions in a stream-of-consciousness style manner, where you abandon your intellect and let your heart speak. Authoring your life means to get into a vivid dialogue with your inner selves. Authoring your life means to give up control and let go for the god in you to take over control. This means you need to develop faith on top of it all.
  • Behold, faith is not belief; faith is a form of putting your knowledge to work. When you know you do not depend on your thoughts because they are the past, nor on circumstances because they are the result of projections, you focus inside to see what kind of reality you are going to create right now, with this inner mix. When you see that this mix is predominantly negative, you are doing something about it until you are satisfied that your inner state of regular peace, happiness, and a poised assurance will bear positive fruits!
  • Then, and only then, you can publish your life — go out and make it all happen. And contrary to the Toltec teaching I am adding on here, when you publish your life, you may publish your story, on a web site, in a book or by making a film about it. Your story does count, while it’s not having a molding influence over you anymore, but it counts, because without your story you would not have come where you are. This is why, contrary to the Toltec teaching as it was brought to us by Castaneda or Ruiz, I am saying, publish your story and feel happy about it. You will then see that it’s that, a story, nothing more or less. But it’s what adds on poetry in your life, for that’s what your story is: a poem.