Who Is Toxic? A Call to All Critics

Most people today use ‘toxic’ only to refer to masculinity. I don’t think that’s right or productive. If the term is to be useful again, men need to take it back — and I have an idea how.

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

The term ‘toxic’ is so associated with the feminist critique that most people are surprised to learn that ‘toxic masculinity’ was coined within a men’s self-improvement movement. But surprises don’t end here.

The history of misappropriations started with J.R.R. Tolkien and continues to this day. No, it’s not about Sauron or Thorin. But the story of how the term came to be and how it changed in the feminist discourse, sheds some light on why it is so controversial and misunderstood.

And why men should take it back.

In the end, it’s a matter of framing. Our actions are hugely influenced by how we conceptualise things so we need to start conceptualising ‘toxicity’ in a way which inspires dialogue and improvement, not anger, defensiveness and division. And admit that not only masculinity can be ‘toxic.’

I am writing a longer piece on the topic of toxicity and masculinity. It is very much a work in progress but I would love your thoughts and feedback on it. In particular, it would be great to hear if:

• any parts are difficult to follow
• any parts give you a strong emotional response
• you think I am missing something I should have included

All comments are useful. Feel free to be as critical as you wish, though remember that this is work in progress. I am very open to change. All perspectives matter, too — I want to make sure I’m not missing anything.

I would further encourage all of those who read my stuff but refrain from commenting for various reasons (you know who you are!) to offer comments using the Private Notes function. If you want, of course.

I will publish the text in parts, following the schedule below.

1. Back to when it was men talking about ‘Toxic Masculinity’

In the first part, I review the birth and early history of ‘toxic masculinity’ in the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement of the 80’s. I draw attention to how the term functioned as a tool of within-group regulation and how a focus on the systemic causes of toxicity allowed men to embrace it. However, with little pressure from the outside, the Mythopoetic Movement had only a very limited positive impact overall.

Back To When Men Owned ‘Toxic Masculinity’

2. The myths are shifting

In the 90’s and 00’s, hardly anyone spoke about ‘toxic masculinity’ but those who did contributed to slowly changing its meaning. I draw attention to aspects of this change, focusing mainly on how its focus turned away from investigating systemic causes and towards placing individual blame.

How ‘Toxic Masculinity’ Slipped Out of Men’s Hands

3. Going Big with feminism

In 2016, the term became extremely popular, largely thanks to the feminist critique tied to political events and the #MeToo movement. Who uses the term massively changed what it means. As ‘toxic masculinity’ became a tool of between-group criticism, its definition blurred and its focus shifted towards action. However, it also acquired a very divisive character which prevents it from being an effective tool of change.

When Feminism Took Over ‘Toxic Masculinity’

4. Synthesis: taking back ‘toxicity’

Following a broadly Hegelian dialectical method, I offer a conceptual synthesis of the Mythopoetic and feminist approaches — a general framework for a more fruitful use of the term. We should abandon a single ‘us vs them’ division which leads to defensiveness by broadening the scope of ‘toxicity’ to other social groups and movements. Thus, we retain the between-group use which pushes for quick and effective solutions, and also return to within-group use which inspires more understanding and compassion. This will further encourage refocusing on the systemic causes of and solutions to toxicity.

Reclaiming And Reframing ‘Toxicity’ — #NotOnlyMen

5. A new definition of ‘toxicity’

Finally, I offer a specific definition using an Aristotelian virtue ethical approach. Adopting it fits with the general framework but it can also be taken separately and applied directly to toxic masculinity only. By using it, we can reduce the chance of a defensive reaction, inspire understanding and empathy, draw attention to the (typically systemic) causes of toxicity and inspire a focus on solutions.

Let’s Redefine ‘Toxicity’ So It Works For, Not Against Men

I will add links to the relevant parts as they come out and arrange the whole into a List. If you decide to follow my work and offer comments, I’d be most obliged.

Thank you!