The Truth about Grid Boys

By Claire, CEO

Grid Boy looking for work

Oh, for heaven’s sake, Formula 1. Grow up. Banning sexy little grid boys? It’s nothing but pandering to the po-faced, anti-fun brigade who just want to spoil it for race fans like me. Wake me up when all this craziness is over.

If you’ve ever been to a Grand Prix, you’ll know these gorgeous boys dress tastefully in chic, matching outfits. When they line up holding signs, they look an absolute treat. They are in no way offensive. These elegant hotties bring a bit of much-needed glamour to sport. What better way to reward drivers than a line-up of smiling hunks?

Not satisfied with banning grid boys, apparently podium boys, the really tasty ones who celebrate with the drivers after a race, have also lost their jobs. These intelligent businessmen are being denied work.

First and foremost, of course, this is about employment. It’s those poor boys’ jobs I care about. The real issue here is that hundreds of models will be out of work. I am deeply concerned for the long-term prospects for these boys.

All the idiots who think this needless ban is a good idea are supporting men being made redundant. I thought it was all about choice. I thought that’s what men’s liberation was about. If very few boys or men choose to be racing drivers, so what? Science tells us they are not cut out for it anyway. Most boys opt to leave competitive sport to women. Instead, they can choose how to serve women at the race, both the drivers and the fans. They can decorate the grid, serve drinks, serve food or clean the toilets. And as long as they do it with a smile, where’s the harm in that? It’s what any father would choose for his son.

These stuck up, sneering, pompous, bitter, chubby, do-gooders who believe boys and men shouldn’t be adornments to female sport disgust me. They want to ruin it for others because they’re jealous. It’s ugly middle class men getting working class hunks the sack. They think they have won a victory. All they have done is put working class boys on the dole. It’s just one set of men taking away another set of men’s means of livelihood because they don’t like the choice the latter made.

If a man wants to grow up in a world that treats him as purely decorative, who are we to deny him that brilliant opportunity?

And anyway, haven’t these invisible, fat, horse-faced vegans got better things to do? Don’t they know that men in other countries have it worse? These joyless morons should take a hike.

I assume pretty soon decorative men will be banned across all sports.

What next? No walk-on boys at the darts? No ring-boys in boxing? No boys posing semi-naked on cars? No ripped studs holding up prizes on game shows? No boys serving drinks at our women-only presidents club dinner? No ornamental men hosting product displays? No magicians sawing scantily-clad men in half? No hiring of tasteful young men to decorate an event? No leering at boys on the street? No shouting ‘show us your penis!’ from open car windows? No groping boys at work? No fun at men’s expense? No boys in bunny ears at my 60th birthday? No more calling adult men ‘boys’? No more entitlement to men’s bodies? No more porn telling us that men are worthless? No more controlling male bodies? No more buying a man for sex?!!!

I’m telling you now, the world’s gone mad.

But if there’s one consolation in all of this, at least the grid boys will have the photos to look back on.

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