The Year is 2020
I burned out in 2020, and there are no life lessons.
No silver lining. No takeaways. No positive lesson to be found.
I was simply consumed by the relentless grind of existence in a year that seemed to have no end. The weight of constant crisis and change, the never-ending uncertainty, the unrelenting barrage of bad news, and the profound loss that accompanied it all were just too much to bear.
At the start of the year, I had goals and plans, as so many of us do. We’re all trying to get through that pandemic. But its endemic spread around the world grounded everything to a halt, and those goals and plans quickly became irrelevant. The future was unknowable, and the present that I knew was a daily struggle, to keep up with the demands of the pandemic, family, and life.
My energy waned, and my enthusiasm for anything faded. I deleted the previous version of the blog I wrote for five whole years without any backup. I stopped reaching out to my friends until I can’t anymore access the page. I grew my hair long, just because. I barely do self-care. I never left the house. I ate endlessly without watching the food I take. I resigned from my previous job, and I was not looking for anything. I did not like the present but I don’t even want to know the future too. I had no energy to pursue anything in life.
I was getting by on the same mundane day I was going through. The joy that once came so easily was replaced by a constant ache, a deep weariness that no amount of sleep or self-care could alleviate. I watched as my productivity plummeted, my motivation dwindled, and my interest in the things I once loved dissipated. I was a shell of my former self, and I couldn’t find a way out.
The worst part was the guilt that came with it all. As a high achiever and perfectionist, I’m used to pushing through challenges and coming out on the other side stronger. But this time, there was no strength to be found. No silver lining to cling to. No lesson to be learned.
I felt like a failure. Like I was letting down my loved ones, my previous colleagues, and myself. Like I was weak for not being able to handle everything that was thrown at me. And the worst part? The fact that everyone seemed to have an opinion on how to fix it. From well-meaning friends and family to self-help gurus on social media, everyone had a solution. Meditate. Exercise. Practice gratitude. Just think positively. But none of it worked. None of it made a difference.
Because the reality is that sometimes, life just sucks. There are things that will only be revealed to you when you get through them long enough. Or there could be none at all. It’s a toxic trait to believe that every struggle is bound to be meaningful. To live is to struggle, to struggle is to live. It just is.
Sometimes, there are no easy answers, no quick fixes, and no life lessons to be learned. You just, be.
So if you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. Know that it’s okay to not be okay. And know that, even if there are no life lessons to be learned, you can still find a way to make it through.
Maybe there are no life lessons to be learned from burnout and loss.
Maybe sometimes life is just hard, and all we can do is keep going.
And that’s okay.
It’s okay to feel lost, to be in pain, and to not have all the answers. All we can do is be kind to ourselves and others, and try to find a way to keep moving forward, even in the darkest of times.
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that every experience, no matter how difficult or painful, must have some greater purpose or lesson to be learned. But the truth is that sometimes, there just isn’t.
Sometimes life is just cruel and unfair, and there’s no rhyme or reason to it.
The pressure to find meaning and positivity in every situation can be overwhelming, especially when we’re already struggling to cope with the weight of our emotions. It can feel like a constant battle between what we’re supposed to feel and what we actually feel. The ceaseless mental onslaught of should haves, what-ifs, and could-have-been’s can weigh heavily on the mind. The same pressure exacerbates feelings of despondency and despair that every little thing should have been ‘done and off your to-do list.
But the reality is that there’s no shame in feeling lost or hopeless. Depression and grief can be all-consuming, and it’s okay to struggle and dance with them. We don’t always have to put on a brave face and try to find the silver lining. In fact, sometimes the pressure to be positive can actually make things worse. It can make us feel like we’re not allowed to grieve or process our emotions in our own time, or like we’re somehow failing if we’re not able to find a way to be happy again.
The truth is that healing is a process, and it looks different for everyone. Some people might find comfort in therapy or self-help books, exercise, sex, food, and cigarettes, while others might need time alone to process their emotions.
There’s no one right way to grieve, and there’s no timeline for when we should feel better.
The most important thing we can do is be kind to ourselves and others. It’s okay to ask for help, to reach out to loved ones, and to take the time we need to heal. No matter how long it will take you there.
And it’s okay to not have all the answers.
Sometimes the only thing we can do is be here, breathe, and believe that, really, the best is yet to come whether we feel it yet, or not.
Our struggles and triumphs, our highs and lows are all part of the human experience. The original version of this post is written on Marcsburg.com
