I Want to Start a Movement: Bring out the Hero in Others

It would be a strange thing to start the day hoping it would not go well. Imagine saying to yourself “Hmm…let me see how frustrated I can get, count the number of disappointments I have, and see how many people will get on my last nerve.” While most of us don’t do this — we will still have frustrations, we will disappoint others, and someone will strain our abilities to manage. This is when a hero emerges and brings out the hero in others.

We can all apply new knowledge, new perspectives, and new tools in challenging encounters. During the pandemic, I have used the tools we have been discussing to help me see more clearly, provide better support, and reduce my own frustrations.

There are heroes at our Early Learning Centers that bring out the heroes in others. Here is a story about one of the many ways an ELC inspired a hero:

Before the pandemic, the Kensington Early Learning Center was hosting a series of family meetings called SmartConnections. SmartConnections is the parent component of TraumaSmart, which gives parents strategies to check in with themselves and their children using the ‘brain as a car’ narrative. The meetings also focus on the importance of attuning to children’s feelings to reduce big behaviors at home. At the Kensington site, Ms. Marilyn, the Family Service Worker, dedicated some of these meetings toward the fathers, uncles, grandfathers, etc. that were dropping off and picking up their children.

After the first meeting, one dad visited Ms. Marilyn’s office and asked when the next meeting was. After hearing about ‘brain as a car,’ he was eager to receive more information and encouraged other fathers around the center to attend the next meeting. At the second meeting, Ms. Marilyn introduced the four attunement steps to the group of men — notice, name, validate, and respond. She gave the participants a color-coded handout with the four steps and some prompts that parents could use to speak to their children, as they name how their children felt at any given moment. The same dad asked Ms. Marilyn, “Where should I put this?” Her reply was, “Put it somewhere you can see it often, as a reminder to yourself.” Dad decided it would go on the fridge so he could reference it easily.

Over the next couple of weeks, Dad was so excited to share what he was doing at home with his little ones. He would tell Ms. Marilyn about his interactions with his children and how he was able to talk to his children about how they were feeling. He was not so stern with them and pointed out that he was yelling much less. Changing his interactions allowed him to be playful and laugh more with his family, without losing respect from his children. His children also felt more respected because their interactions with Dad were looking and sounding much different. Dad shared that he was using these strategies with his wife and it was really working to strengthen their relationship as well.

Ms. Marilyn’s meetings were cut short when the ELCs temporarily closed face-to-face instruction last March. When the centers reopened this year, Dad was immediately asking about continuing SmartConnections. He shared how much it helped his family during the pandemic, especially while they were all home together for many months. When his wife came for drop-off, she asked if SmartConnections was starting back up and if she could attend. She reported that the dynamic of her household has changed so much for the better and she too wanted to learn everything Ms. Marilyn had taught her husband.

This year, SmartConnections looks a little different now that it’s virtual, but the Centers continue to host meetings once a week for parents that are interested. Parents have expressed that talking to other parents about big behaviors and emotions, and coming up with strategies to address them has been really helpful at home. The silver lining to the meetings being virtual, is the ability to host them for all seven centers, and that families have an opportunity to meet families from other locations too.

While Dad did not leap tall buildings with a single bound, nor hang up his cape at the end of the day; he is still a hero to his children and to his wife. Remember to celebrate the heroes in your own life today.