I Want To Start a Movement: It Matters If You Know What to Expect

As I was preparing to get married, my grandmother was one of the few people to offer me serious marriage advice. She shared only one thing: don’t go to bed angry. While I heard what she said, it would be a while before I could appreciate it. I was already in what some rightfully call the “honeymoon phase,” and I don’t mean the little trip some take after the reception. I was basking in the newlywed glow of happiness and optimism, the feeling that all was right in the world. Since then, I’ve learned that jumping into my marriage was the right thing, but it hasn’t always been easy…we’ve been married 46 years! I’m happy, but there were moments when life was pretty tough.

Marriages aren’t the only areas of our lives that will have ups and downs. A few years ago, I found this graphic to explain the emotional journey of a good idea and have referred to it many times. We naturally find fun and excitement in new idea(s) when we are in the in the driver’s seat, problem solving and taking on new tasks that challenge us. These new challenges give us meaning or purpose. We plan, recruit others to help us, and start to put those plans into actions. When we take on an active role in carrying out our idea(s), we are driving our car; yet when we are faced with hurdles or unforeseen challenges we can quickly move to the back seat.

This is when our emotional brain takes over and we may have second thoughts about our idea(s). We are aware of the challenges, but are now passive in our approach; we are no longer an active driver. Our momentum has slowed down, we start losing confidence, and it becomes much more difficult to problem solve. We need to regain belief in ourselves in order to keep moving along. At the very bottom of the image there is a dark swamp of despair. If you fall into the swamp you have lost control of your car. You are in the trunk, unaware, and seeking safety. If you look closely, there is a bridge that will keep you out of the swamp. Consider this the bridge of “connection;” if we meet our need of connection, we can cross that bridge, and avoid the swamp. It’s not an easy path, but as we continue to work through the challenges and find ways to persevere by taking care of ourselves, making time for things we enjoy, and acknowledging our small successes as they occur; we make our way back to the driver’s seat.

I think right now, we are all part of the emotional journey of creating a meaning-filled life. The pandemic has put us — sometimes for moments and sometimes for days — into a dark swamp of despair. We are tired of the restrictions, we don’t know what exactly to believe, or we just don’t how to get out of the swamp. We don’t know what is on the other side…we’re just believing it must be better than this.

I must tell you, I have been to the other side of the bridge, and is still not exactly fun; but from that side, I can see the goal. For the next six weeks, I will give you a word each week beginning with “R,” which will be focused on encouragement. These blog posts will be practical, useful recipes for success to help you get to the other side and up the hill towards the things that matter most. We may not be able to see how it all plays out, but we can expect better things on the other side when we keep working towards creating great things for ourselves and those we support.