6 Signs He’s Not in It Just for a Hookup
Not every man is in it for the wham-bam, thank you ma’am.
Not every man out there is the hookup type. Yes, a lot of guys do want to have sex without getting attached, but the reality is that women aren’t the only ones prone to “catching feelings.”
Shocker. I know.
Ladies, this isn’t to say that having sex is a surefire way to get the guy. It isn’t. Always have sex on your own terms. Do it if you want, hold back if you don’t.
Just be aware that something you thought would be casual might end up earning you more than what you’ve bargained for.
Granted, some people do well with keeping it casual, whether they’re men or women, and can do the hookup thing without further consequences. This isn’t meant to judge either way. You do you.
The mistake some guys make (and some women) is to think they’re the hookup type when they’re not. They’ll present themselves as the hookup type but don’t actually behave accordingly. And behavior tells it all.
Here’s what to watch out for:
1. He doesn’t have a “move”
If you go out for drinks and he seems interested, but you eventually find yourself wondering when — if ever — he’ll make a move, it might be a sign he doesn’t really have a move.
The same goes for when he drops you off and you invite him in. You’d kill for some action at that point, but he just. won’t. make. a. move.
Worse if it’s his apartment. Why? A guy who doesn’t have a well-practiced move in his own territory is clearly not a guy who does hookups very often.
Trust me, if he tries something that seems more endearing than sexy, and not at all rehearsed, that’s when you know. And trust me when I tell you, you will know.
Now, a proper move isn’t aggressive or pushy in any way. A guy’s move usually has stages in which he’ll test the waters to see if and how much you reciprocate. Ladies, if you’re interested, reciprocate. Otherwise your guy will give up on trying — as well he should.
And don’t forget consent. Him asking for consent is not a sign he doesn’t have “a move.” A man should always ask for consent, whether that’s part of his “move” or not.
2. He doesn’t have an exit strategy — or he invites you to stay over
An important skill when it comes to hookups is to have an exit strategy — and stick to it. That’s equally valid for both genders.
Now, if you’ve been drinking, jumping out of bed to go drunk driving is not recommended. Consider getting an Uber.
Any of you are allowed to pass out and save the exit strategy until next morning, but if he’s fine to drive and wide awake but stays over regardless, perhaps with the intention of cuddling, that’s a sign hookups are probably outside his comfort zone.
3. He does the “date” routine — even after you’ve agreed you’re keeping it casual
If it becomes an ongoing thing that you’ve both agreed it’s just casual, there isn’t really a point in keeping up with the dating aspect of it.
Going out for drinks is one thing, but holding hands at the movies, or having long coffee dates in which you end up oversharing about your respective childhoods doesn’t exactly scream “casual.”
It comes down to this: hookup guys want sex, not company. If company is a big part of the equation from the get-go, you know he’s not a hookup kind of guy.
4. He gets in touch with you for non-hooking up purposes
If it’s meant to be casual, that hot-line bling should mean one thing and one thing only.
If he texts or calls just see how your day is going — not to try to figure out if your schedule is free later tonight, but out of genuine interest, then he’s definitely not up to keeping it casual for much longer.
Perhaps he never was.
5. He overdoes it with the pillow talk
And perhaps you’ve been encouraging him.
Pillow talk is a lot of fun. There’s something about lying naked next to another naked person that implies nothing is off limits. No thought is too weird, no question is too personal.
Pillow talk is also a great way to bond. If you’ve been engaging in it, and enjoying it, you have also been growing a lot closer.
There’s nothing wrong with getting closer to someone if that’s what you want. Just be aware that closeness takes down anything that might be casual about the relationship. Be ready to deal with the consequences.
6. He tells his parents about you
Yes, I know.
You’d think most people already keep their family out of their dating lives in general, but you’d be surprised.
It’s very endearing to find out a guy has told anyone about you, but his family? That’s something special. It can be a great step further into a relationship, but that’s the key word: relationship.
Not a hookup, not casual, not a fling.
If your guy tells his family about you, he’s not a hookup kind of guy — and it doesn’t matter if he’s trying to pretend otherwise.
He just needs to get into a relationship. ASAP
Despite their fantasies, not any man can truly keep sex and attachment apart. No wonder. Sex is all about closeness and intimacy, and it can blur the lines between attraction and love.
The guy who behaves like the above is a guy who needs a committed relationship. Deep down, he wants it. Everything points to him being ready.
You need to know if you’re ready as well.
